tell me my future

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Full disclosure up front: I don’t usually do these types of promotional blog posts, but I was offered the chance to get a free psychic reading, and if you’ve seen the last couple of blog posts about how my life is going these days? Then you know that I need all the help I can get right now.

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I’m generally iffy on psychics. I’ve been to a few. You know, the dude with the Tarot cards in the French Quarter in New Orleans. There are tons of them that set up their folding tables in Jackson Square, right in front of St. Louis Cathedral. I always thought it was odd, the way that the voodoo and Catholicism are juxtaposed so closely to each other.

I usually find that most psychics aren’t so much about predicting the future, they’re just really good at reading people, picking up cues, and telling things about themselves in a way that sounds… well, supernatural, I guess.

But I do believe that some people – a very select few – have genuine psychic abilities. When I was in college in Memphis, I heard about one lady who was supposed to be amazing. I went to see her, and she knew all kinds of things about me that nobody could pick up through social cues. Like, she knew that my grandmother died the day after Christmas the previous year, that kind of thing. It was really unnerving, all of the stuff she knew. It freaked me out.

Oh, and that same lady warned me about a guy who I had had a fling with on a recent vacation, and told me that I should stay away from him because he would show up several more times throughout my life, and he was nothing but trouble. I laughed it off, because, you know, it was a vacation fling and I didn’t think I’d ever see the guy again. Two weeks later, he called me. And I’ve seen him a few times since then, and let me tell you, BOY WAS SHE RIGHT. Dude really was nothing but trouble.

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SO! Getting to the point, which is the psychic reading I had today.

The main thing she told me, which I really needed to hear, is that my girls and I are going to be ok. She said that Catie and Lucy will “rise above” this divorce situation and go on to be successful adults. She said that Lucy will be a lawyer, and Catie could be either a diplomat or something to with the sciences or fine arts. (That’s kind of a wide spectrum, and I find the idea of career planning for a 3 month-old to be sort of hilarious. We’ll wait and see, I guess?)

She said that the girls and I are going to get involved in some hobbies that we all do together. She wasn’t sure what, but that it has something to do with ecology or nature. She said she saw Catie playing with tadpoles with some other little girls.

Now, if you know me, you know that I am so not a nature girl. But yeah, I can totally see Catie playing with anything that’s related to amphibians or reptiles, so she might be right on that part.

She also said that I’ll be remarried within two years, which made me laugh. She told me all kind of details about this alleged future husband (he works in stocks, he’s divorced with a couple of kids who live with their mother, etc.), and I seriously could not stop giggling the whole time she was telling me this. Because, well, NO.

I mean, I know that I shouldn’t speak in absolutes, but let me just say that right now? I totally understand the George Clooney approach to marriage. He was divorced once, and he says that’s why he’s never getting married again. I always thought that was silly, but now? I totally understand you, George.

Of course, if I end up marrying a stockbroker sometime in 2013, y’all can remind me of this post and point out just how wrong I was. I guess time will tell, right?

P.S. Unfortunately, she did not tell me that some previously-unknown billionaire relative is going to pass away and leave me all their money. Damn.

moving on (in so many ways)

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I cannot even begin to thank y’all for all of the kind and supportive words on that last post. So many people also reached out on Facebook, Twitter, etc., and I’m just overwhelmed. This whole situation is so awful, but I also feel so blessed to have such an amazing support system around me, both online and in real-life.

Yesterday, I met with our realtor. We’re going to be listing our house on the market soon. I can’t afford the mortgage by myself, and it’s too big for just me and the girls. I feel the need to downsize and simplify our lives as much as possible. I think I want to rent a house for a while. I like the idea that if something breaks, someone else has to pay for it and fix it.

It’s sad because this place was my dream house, but now I’ll forever think of it as the house where my marriage fell apart.

The weird part? We bought this house from a couple that was divorcing. You know that horror movie cliche where the haunted house turns out to be built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground? I think this house was built on top of the graves of a really bitter and angry married couple. I even burned sage when we moved in, to get rid of any bad juju lingering around. Fat lot of good that did me.

Overall, I think I’m coping ok. Like I said, I have a pretty fantastic support system around me, and I’m so, so grateful for that.

But if you don’t hear from me much over the next few weeks, it’s probably because I’m going to be frantically de-cluttering and reorganizing this entire house to get it in “showable” condition. That should be… fun?

I’ll also be spending as much time as I possibly can hugging these faces.

Hard to get mad at these faces when they wake me up on Saturday morning.

Mostly successful, only slightly uneven bang trim. Yay, I'm improving!

You sure can't tell that she's sick.

Can’t really blame me for that one. They’re pretty darn huggable.

life, right now

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Dave moved out last week.

Today, I’m meeting with a divorce attorney for the first time.

My heart is broken.

I don’t usually blog about the bad stuff when it happens. Mainly because so many people in my family read this site, but also because I worry about my girls growing up and reading this stuff someday. I worry about what they’ll think of it.

And oh God, y’all. My girls. My heart hurts more for them than it does for myself. I feel like I failed them. My parents have been married for over 40 years, it never even occurred to me when I got married that it might not last forever. That just wasn’t an option in my mind.

I don’t want to get into details or place blame. A lot of things went wrong. And they’ve been going wrong for a while. I don’t want this, but the decision isn’t entirely up to me.

This is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Please keep us in your thoughts, as I imagine that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.

Two Months

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Lucy turned two months old yesterday. We dressed up a little for the occasion.

Lucy is 2 months old today
(Tutu’ed onesie courtesy of Greis. It’s one of my favorite baby outfits ever.)

She had her two-month pediatrician visit today. Her current stats are:
Height: 22 1/2″
Head circumference: I don’t know, but it’s big. Like 96th percentile. We all have freakishly large heads in this family.
Weight: 12 pounds, 14 ounces

Considering that she was only 7 pounds, 1 ounce at birth, that means she’s almost doubled her weight in two months. I knew that she’d gotten a lot bigger, but DAMN.

Making herself at home.
“It just means there’s more of me to love.”

She got a few vaccines, which was awful, but overall the visit went well. She’s right on target developmentally.

As for other non-medical stuff, Lucy’s current likes include:
* Ceiling fans.
* Her big sister.
* Baths.
* Mommy’s singing (she might be alone on that one).
* Bottles, boobs, pacifiers… basically anything she can shove in her mouth.

Not quite clear why she had to come along to my doctor's appointment. (Because Daddy's at work!)
Exhibit A.

And her current dislikes:
* When people break eye contact with her. She wants face-time, all the time.
* Diaper changes.
* Pretty much all baby toys. She doesn’t care yet.
* Being set down anywhere (baby swing, bouncer, baby gym, etc.). She prefers to be held, and it’s just too damn bad if it inconveniences anyone.

Really, for the most part, she’s an incredibly good baby. She’s very smiley and sweet, and yes all newborns are difficult, but she’s just lovely to have around.

I mean, y’all. This girl.

We have tushie ruffles.

I am just so in love with her.

Recent random things that have made me laugh

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The past few days have been a little on the rough side. It’s all temporary stuff, I know, I’ve just been ridiculously insane a little hormonal, and it’s been hard. I’m calling my doctor to talk about changing my meds (or increasing the dosage) because I don’t feel like myself at all, so I’m being proactive and trying to fix it. Objectively, I know that my life is pretty awesome: great family and friends, two beautiful kids, everybody’s healthy, Dave & I both have good jobs, we have a nice house, etc. We’re the freaking American Dream over here. There’s no logical reason for me to feel so mopey, and I know that, so I’m going to get help for it.

And I also know that once I start getting a little more sleep on a consistent basis, and feeling a little more stable on the whole work/mom/wife front, things will get easier. Or they should.

But in the meantime, I thought I’d write down a few things that have cracked me up lately, because (a) y’all probably don’t want to read a bunch of depressing crap about my moodiness, and (b) I need to be reminded that The Funny is still here.

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1. A few nights ago, Lucy was being really fussy for no discernible reason (babies are like that sometimes, you know), and Dave was trying to calm her down while I took care of Catie’s bedtime routine. After she screamed her head off for a good long while, she finally collapsed from exhaustion. On Dave’s face.

She fell asleep. On his face.

Ok, mostly on his jaw, but still. That picture cracks me up.

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2. While changing Lucy’s diaper, she peed on the changing table, so while I was holding her in the air trying to clean it up (and she was diaper-less, of course), she peed again. And it got all over Catie’s backpack.

Catie’s reaction was to cry, “Lucy just PEES on everything and this is why we should send her to live with somebody else!”

I told her that I only have two babies and I plan on keeping both of them. Also, maybe she should stop leaving her stuff in her baby sister’s room, particularly right next to the changing table.

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3. The way Catie says “ridiculous.” She keeps telling me that stuff is “ri-dick-lee-ous.” Love it.

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4. I got this adorable monogrammed onesie as a baby gift from my aunt and uncle.

Monogrammed onesie from my aunt & uncle. Love it.

I called my mom and described it to her over the phone.

My mom: “Oh, I don’t like that.”

Me: “What? It’s cute! What do you mean?”

Mom: “I don’t think it’s safe for kids to have their names printed on their clothes like that.”

Me: “Mom, she’s 7 weeks old. You think someone’s going to call her name and she’s going to go running to them?”

Mom: “Huh. Good point.”

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5. A few nights ago, “Independence Day” was on TV and I was watching it while Catie played upstairs in her room. She came downstairs, I was about to change the channel (because, you know, it’s not exactly a kid-friendly movie), but before I could, she asked me what I was watching.

Me: “Oh, it’s just a movie about bad aliens that come to Earth. But it’s all silly make-believe stuff.” (I try to be very nonchalant about potentially scary stuff so she doesn’t get freaked out.)

Catie: [sees the shot of Air Force One in mid-flight] “Is that the aliens’ spaceship?”

Me: “No, that’s the President’s airplane. But see, in this pretend movie, they say that he [pointing at Bill Pullman] is the President. And you know that our President is Obama, right? And he doesn’t look anything like that, does he?”

Catie: “No, that’s silly! That’s not Obama! Obama has short hair just like Baby Sister!”

Looks like she's doing a little dance.

Yeah. I can totally see that. Lucy and Barack Obama are basically twins, aren’t they?

How Things Change

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Baby starts crying.

Baby #1: Immediately pick up and console.

Baby #2: “Sorry, kid, but your mama has to pee so you’re just going to have to scream for about 90 seconds. I promise you won’t be scarred for life.”

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Baby spits up all over you.

Baby #1: “OMG! Bathe the baby and change her clothes! Take a shower and change my clothes! Clean everything! AAACCKKK!!!”

Baby #2: Don’t worry about it. Later, ask your spouse if he minds holding the baby so you can rinse the dried baby puke out of your hair. In the sink. You know, all classy-like.

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Baby has a massive blow-out poo-splosion diaper.

Baby #1: Run around like a headless chicken trying to figure out how you are going to clean all of this poop, because holy hell you need a gas mask and a haz-mat suit. Scream things at your spouse, like, “Hold her hands! Don’t let her put her hands in the OHMYGOD EWWW THAT IS SO NASTY!!”

Baby #2: Pretty much the same reaction. Poop is gross, man.

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Grocery shopping.

Baby #1: Take her out with you at every possible moment, both because you can’t stand the idea of being away from her for more than 5 minutes, but also because you kind of want to show her off.

Baby #2: You will be willing to pay someone hard-earned cash to come watch your kid so you don’t have to take her to the store with you. Grocery shopping alone becomes your “me time.”

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You need to shower.

Baby #1: Carefully arrange your hygiene schedule around the time that your spouse is available to take care of the baby.

Baby #2: Drag the bouncy seat into the bathroom, plop the baby down, and take your damn shower already.

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The baby sleeps for five (5!!) consecutive, uninterrupted hours.

Baby #1: Call everyone you know and alert them to this new development because, haaa! You will be well-rested and less crazy from this day forward! Hooray!!

Baby #2: Don’t tell a soul for fear of jinxing it the way you did last time, dumbass.**

Sleepy head.

**Note that the previous statement is NOT an admission that she slept for 5 hours, ok? And I certainly didn’t admit that she slept for 5 hours the last two nights in a row. Now everyone throw some salt over their shoulder or cross their fingers or say a prayer or something because OMG no jinxes pleeeeeeease!