how we do Easter

Easter weekend was supposed to be Dave’s weekend on the calendar, but since it isn’t a huge holiday for him, and because of other logistical issues (his girlfriend and her kids were in town visiting for a few days, and he had to take them to the airport early Sunday morning), I got the kids back on Saturday night, and was able to spend most of Easter Sunday with them.

Catie still believes in the Easter bunny (I know, my days are numbered on that one, but I’ll drag that out as long as I can), so she was excited, but Lucy was kind of confused by the whole, “Da bunny comes in our house? And then he comes into my bedroom?” thing. No, baby, the Easter bunny doesn’t go in your room. He just puts stuff in your Easter basket and leaves.

Still, Easter morning rolled around and I got this picture, which basically sums it up. Catie is ecstatic, Lucy has what is quite possibly the best “WTF?” face I’ve ever seen.

Lucy got into it eventually. She loved that the Easter bunny brought her a “Frozen” book.


“I like her!” (points at Anna)

And she really liked the bird from Rio.

Catie was pretty happy with her prizes too. The Skylander was the main highlight, but the Easter bunny is wise and knew to get two identical Blu plushes so there wouldn’t be any fighting over it. (Plus they were only $5 at Kohl’s.)

Later, we got dressed and went to church with my parents. Catie wanted to stay in “big church” with us, which was fine. Lucy said she wanted to go to the nursery to play with the other kids, but once she got there, she balked. She cried and said, “I stay with youuuu!”

I told her that if she came to church with us, she’d have to be very quiet and still, and not make any noise. She said, “I be quiet, I be good, I not get in any trouble!”

And really, she did great for 40 minutes of a 50 minute service. Then she started to get squirmy, and when I told her to stop, she started to cry, and I took her outside. We walked laps around the office hallways of the church while we waited for the service to finish.

After the service was over, I found my parents and Catie in the lobby, and this very nice lady took our picture.


Nice tongue, Lucy.


My dad is blinking, but at least Lucy’s tongue is inside her mouth, and oh hell with it, I give up.

We went back to my parents’ house, and Chris came over to join us for lunch. It was too muddy outside to do the kids’ Easter egg hunt there, so we sent them up to my parents’ bedroom to “hide their eyes” while we hid eggs around the house.

(I know some people hide eggs the night before and say that the Easter bunny hid them. We don’t do that. Don’t know why, this is just how we’ve always done it in my family.)

Chris wisely pointed out that we should have the girls start hunting on opposite ends of the house, to ensure that Lucy would have a chance to at least get a few eggs before Catie mowed her down. It worked, they both found eggs, and there was no fighting or crying.

Later that afternoon, I dropped the girls back with Dave (since it was his scheduled weekend), and Chris and I pretty much fell asleep on the couch watching Netflix.

Overall, it was a really nice Easter. Hope you all enjoyed yours too. (And even if Easter isn’t your thing, hope you had a lovely weekend.)

April 21, 2014Permalink 1 Comment

the thing about sisters

I was trying to think of a way to describe Catie and Lucy’s relationship, and all I can come up with is that they are just sisters. I mean, obviously they are, but sometimes it hits me more than others. They are constantly either fighting or loving each other, and it often feels like there’s very little middle ground.

On the weekends, I’ll hear them on the baby monitor when Catie wakes up and says, “Come on, Lucy, let’s go downstairs.” This is the greatest thing about 7 year-olds, in my opinion: Catie has learned how to use the toaster, so she can make frozen waffles for herself and Lucy (don’t judge, at least they’re the whole wheat kind), and I set up cups of milk in the fridge the night before, and boom: breakfast. They eat, and they play, and they let me sleep, and it is glorious.

Or at least, it is until one of them gets mad and starts screaming, then comes to my room to tattle on the other.

Catie has never really been a “baby” person. She doesn’t notice babies or “ooh” and “ahh” over them like a lot of little girls. And I don’t think she’s ever played with a baby doll in her life. Lucy is the little mama who loves her baby dolls and feeds them bottles and tucks them in with blankets. And that’s fine – it’s great that they’re so different and like their own thing. But at the same time, being a big sister brought out a nurturing side of Catie that I had no idea existed.

Last week, Chris and I took the kids out for dinner, and afterward we stopped for frozen custard at Goodberry’s. The kids ate theirs, and then wanted to run around and play for a few minutes. There’s sort of an outdoor patio-type sitting area there, and the weather was nice, so I said ok, they could play for a while. They were a few yards away, and Lucy tripped and fell on the cement. She wasn’t really hurt, I think it scared her more than anything. Before I could even react, Catie gasped and said, “Lucy! Are you ok?” And she dropped to her knees and stretched her arms out to give Lucy a hug. Lucy ran to her and they hugged for a minute while Catie patted her back and said, “It’s ok, it’s ok.” Then she stood up and said, “Come on, I’ll take you to Mommy,” held her hand, and walked Lucy over to where Chris and I were sitting.

It was just one of those moments that struck me because they were so sweet with each other, and it just amazes me when I see much they’ve bonded with each other. I remember when Lucy was first born and Catie was so resentful of the new baby taking my attention away from her, and I worried it would always be like that. And sure, those feelings still pop up occasionally, but for the most part, that’s so not the case.


My mom snuck this picture of me showing the girls something on my phone. I don’t even remember what, but I love this picture. (Also note that all 3 of us have minions from “Despicable Me” on our respective t-shirts.)

The main source of their fighting is because whatever Catie is doing, Lucy wants to do it too. If Catie has a particular toy, Lucy wants to play along (whether Catie wants her to join in or not). And when we go to a restaurant and they give the kids crayons at the table, Lucy cries because she wants whatever color crayon Catie has. Not because she even wants that particular color crayon, but just because Catie has it too, and she wants to imitate her big sister.

A few weeks ago, my mom designed this special “scavenger hunt” for the kids, where they had to follow a series of clues – little pieces of paper that told them where the next clue was hidden, which eventually led to a prize (a set of markers that are designed for kids to draw on the windows, and it wipes right off). My mom gave them magnifying glasses and “detective hats” for this, and I took this picture.

I didn’t realize it until I saw it later that Lucy is looking at Catie to see what she’s supposed to be doing, and copying her.

Yesterday we went to a playground, and Lucy barely spent any time in the “little kid” section because she wanted to follow Catie around and climb on the big playground equipment like her big sister. Things that Catie would’ve been terrified to attempt as a toddler, Lucy does just because Catie does it.

I don’t know the likelihood of it, but I hope they stay this close as they get older. Because even with the occasional screaming fights, it’s still pretty fantastic to see.

April 14, 2014Permalink 2 Comments

random funny things my kids say

I realized that a lot of times, rather than blogging, I’ll put a quick status update on Facebook or a tweet of some funny thing that my kids have said, because it doesn’t feel like enough to make a blog post. So I thought I’d throw together some of my favorites and make it into a blog post. If you’re Facebook friends with me, you’ve probably seen this already. Oh well. Here it is anyway.

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Coming downstairs one morning, I ask the kids what they want for breakfast.

Lucy: “COOKIES!!”
Catie: “No, Lucy. We aren’t at Daddy’s house. We can’t have cookies for breakfast here.”

(Yeah. The ex got a text about that one.)

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There’s a lady at our daycare, Miss Sandra, who gives all of the kids Spanish lessons once a week. Catie started taking Spanish lessons from her when she was three years old, and said she prefers Miss Sandra to her Spanish teacher at elementary school.

I learned recently that Miss Sandra is now teaching Spanish to the toddler class. I asked Lucy what she knew how to say in Spanish, and she said, “Wayne-oh dias!”

Close enough, baby.

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Related to previous anecdote: Miss Sandra at daycare is also in charge of food prep in the kitchen, and she serves all the kids their lunch and snacks. Catie has told me, “Mommy, Miss Sandra makes THE BEST peaches. You really should get her recipe.”

Right. I’m pretty sure Miss Sandra opens a can and spoons them into a bowl, but whatever you say, kiddo. Apparently Catie prefers canned peaches to fresh.

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When I pick the kids up in the evening, on the drive home, I ask the girls how their day was. If Catie says a word, Lucy starts yelling, “STOP TALKING, CATIE! STOP TALKING! I TALK!” When I finally say, “Ok, Lucy, what did you want to say?” She says, “Umm… nuffing.”

Two year-olds, man.

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Lucy’s take on the various hairstyles around here: “I have yeyyow hair, Catie have yeyyow hair too, Mommy have brown hair, and Chris have nekkid hair.”

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Catie was playing her Skylanders video game on the Wii, and I guess some new monster popped up on the screen, because she mumbled to herself, “What the hell is that?”

I said, “What did you just say?”

She looked kind of startled and said, “Um… oops?”

I couldn’t even get mad at her because she said it pretty much exactly the way I say it, and I know she got it from me. So I told her that it’s kind of inappropriate for kids to use words like “hell,” and it would be nicer if she said “heck” instead.

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Dave texted me that Lucy punked him. I asked what he meant, and he said that she ran into the room, yelling, “I pooped! I pooped!” (She’s potty-trained for peeing completely, but poop is still pretty hit-or-miss.) Dave saw that there was a big lump in her pants, so he figured she had an accident and went to change her.

When he pulled her pants down, an Angry Birds action figure fell out of her underwear. Then she laughed at him, like “Haha! Made ya look!” And she ran off.

I… don’t even know where she came up with that. I asked if Catie helped set that up, but apparently she was working on an art project in another room and was nowhere near Lucy at the time. I’m kind of impressed.

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Another text from Dave was this quote from Lucy: “Mommy have big boobs. I have no boobs. Daddy have the BIGGEST boobs!”

Yeah, I’m just gonna put that one out there and leave it alone.

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Catie was moaning about trying to figure out how to spend her birthday money, and she sighed heavily, “It would be nice if everything was free.” Awww, my little budding Communist.

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A few weeks ago, Lucy saw me in the morning and said, “Oh no! You have a boo-boo on your face! Poor Mommy!”

It was a zit on my chin. Thanks for that, kid.

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We were watching stuff on YouTube, and I showed them the video for “Take On Me” by A-Ha. As soon as it was over, they asked me to see it again. Considering Catie’s affinity for other 80s music (Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, “Eye of the Tiger”), I’m going to consider that a sign that I’m raising them right.

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Lucy is currently obsessed with watching the Muppets on YouTube. It started with just their take on Bohemian Rhapsody, but now she’s really into any videos that involve either Beaker or the Swedish Chef. They happen to be two of my favorites anyway, so again, I’ll take it as a sign that I’m raising them right.

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Catie recently lost her top front tooth, and she asked if the Tooth Fairy is real.

I asked her why she would think the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, and she said, “Because fairies don’t live in North Carolina!”

I said, “Well, maybe the Tooth Fairy just travels a lot.” And then I changed the subject and asked her what she was going to do with her $1 that she got.

I know her days of believing in magic are numbered, but I’m kind of ok with dragging that one out as long as I can.

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Last week, Lucy ran in the room and in sort of a “nyah-nyah-boo-boo” sing-songy voice, said, “Mo-ooommy! I didn’t choke!” Which of course just led to suspicion, because wait, why are you telling me this? What did you swallow that you weren’t supposed to swallow?

It was gum. Which she is not allowed to have. She stole it off my desk.

Again: two year-olds, man.

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Those girls. They crack me up, I tell you.

March 25, 2014Permalink 1 Comment

emerging like the flowers in springtime

Oh hey, poor little neglected blog of mine.

I feel like I’m just coming out of a fog. The past few weeks at work have been intense. My boss warned me to expect my workload to get really heavy around the end of February, but I didn’t really know just how involved it was all going to be. For the last few weeks, my life has looked more or less like this on the days I had the kids with me:

* Get up, get myself & the kids dressed, get them to school/daycare.
* Come home, sit at desk, work work work.
* Pick kids up, feed them dinner, bathe them, and get them to bed.
* As soon as the kids are asleep, sit back down at my desk and work until 2 a.m.
* Get up at 7 a.m. and repeat.

On the days when the kids were with Dave, I’d just roll out of bed, plop at my desk in my PJs and work straight through until 2 or 3 a.m. There were days (DAYS!) without showers. I’m not proud.

It was insane. There was one other co-worker who was doing a lot of work on this same project, and we’d be sending each other emails in the middle of the night to check in. When we finished this project last week, he emailed me and said, “I feel like I just survived a war with you.” (Obviously an exaggeration, but… yeah.)

The weird thing is? As exhausting as it was, and as stressful as it got at times, I really loved it. I’m fortunate to have a job that I genuinely enjoy, and I loved feeling like part of a team effort, and getting positive feedback from manager-types that they liked what I had done.

So, everything officially finished and “went live” online last week. I took most of this week off, and I’ve been a lazy bum, and it has been glorious. I found a Groupon deal for a massage, which I desperately needed after sitting at my desk for so many hours (my shoulders were in knots), I got a haircut, I took naps. The downtime has been really nice. And hopefully when I get back to work on Monday, the pace will be a little more normal and not quite as frantic as it has been.

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The downside to the crazy workload is that I felt like I was neglecting everything else in my life: my kids didn’t have my full attention when they were here, and Chris and I didn’t get much time either. So I’ve been trying to make it up to them.

Last Friday – the day after my project finished – Catie’s school had their annual Fun Run, and it also happened that daycare was closed for a teacher workday. So I kept Lucy with me, and we went to Catie’s school to watch the Fun Run.

Lucy and I found a spot where we could see Catie as she ran by, and she could high-five us as she passed.

Since people can sponsor the kids based on the number of laps that they run, they cap them at 35 laps. Catie ran 37 – the extra 2 were just for fun. She’s a better runner than I’ll ever be.

(It’s worth noting that because of my job, I almost never get to see these types of things, so this was a really special treat for all of us.)

After the Fun Run, Lucy and I headed up to my office (funny that I have a cubicle there, even though I mostly work from home) to pick up some Girl Scout cookies that one of my co-workers was keeping for me. Lucy had never been to my office before, so that was kind of fun. I had told her that she’d need to be quiet so she wouldn’t disturb anyone. As we walked through the office, she kept loudly stage-whispering, “We hafta be quiet so peoples can do their work!” Yeah. Nice job there, kiddo. Let’s grab our cookies and get outta here.

It was a fun day, although it sort of emphasized to me what it probably feels like to be a stay-at-home mom on an average weekday, and I realized that life is not for me. It feels terrible to say, but as much as I love my kids, I’m a much better mom when I get a break from them. (Plus the fact that I really do like my job, which I think helps.) By 6 p.m., I was tossing back Advil and ready for bed. I don’t think I could be a stay-at-home mom every day. Hats off to those of you who do it.

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As long as I’m blogging about things that happened a week ago: last Saturday, we finally had some really nice spring weather, and my dad and I took the kids to our nearby greenway to let them ride their bikes.

Catie, my ever-cautious girl, won’t let us take the training wheels off her bike yet, but she’s getting a lot better at riding independently and not being scared of her bike, so we’ll call it progress.

When I mentioned taking the training wheels off, she said, “maybe next year when I’m 8.” Ok, baby, whatever you say. I’m not really in any big rush to make her hit those big-kid milestones before she’s ready.

Lucy, on the other hand, very much wanted to steer her tricycle all over the path, and she was a little annoyed that Pop-Pop had the handle in back and kept making her go straight and not veer off in front of random joggers and their dogs.

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This weekend, the girls are with Dave, and I have absolutely nothing on my agenda. It feels foreign and strange and lovely. I’m planning to go for a long (or longer than usual) run, then hit up my local drugstore in search of Easter basket treats and a new mascara. Not a bad way to spend a Saturday, I gotta say.

March 22, 2014Permalink

quick updates

So, I think I sort of forgot about my little blog here for a while. Here’s a recap on the major stuff that’s been happening around these parts:

Lucy and sleeping

Well… I guess it’s sort of better? I mean, she still wakes up at night and comes into my room and wakes me up, but she just asks me to tuck her back into bed or take her to the bathroom, she understands that she can’t get in my bed until morning. We have one of those day/night clocks in her room that’s blue at night and turns yellow in the morning when it’s ok for her to wake up, and she gets that. “I stay my own bed until my clock be yellow!” That’s right, baby. I mean, it’s lip service, and she doesn’t actually stay in her own bed until her clock turns yellow, but maybe after enough repetition, she’ll get it.

So, I guess we’ll call it progress.

Potty-training

I don’t know if I’ve really written much about potty training this time around. It was so awful with Catie, and I was dreading doing it again with Lucy. And, I think we’re basically… done? I mean, the other night, I heard her little feet scurry to the bathroom and her tiny voice call out, “there’s no toilet paper here!” And I realized that she hasn’t had an accident in weeks, and I think she’s pretty much got it nailed.

So, ok, fine. I know I always think of Lucy as my difficult child, especially when compared to my super-cautious Catie, so I guess we’ll file “relatively easy to potty train” as a win in her column. Although I think most of the credit goes to daycare for this one.

Visitation with Dave

Everything seems to be fine. There’s some adjustment, sure – Catie in particular is testing his boundaries, but I think that’s normal given the circumstances. But the back-and-forth has been pretty smooth for the most part, and getting those extra few nights of sleep is the BEST.

Catie and school stuff

Catie is still really resistant about reading and spelling, and I ended up talking with the head of the English department at one of our nearby high schools, who said she has “teacher cadets” (students training to become teachers) who help struggling students. And it counts toward their volunteer hours that they need to log for college, so it’s free. I’m so incredibly grateful for the help, I’m starting to feel like this might be a really good way to reach Catie. She’s always eager to please “older kids” – particularly teenage girls (like our baby-sitter) – and I think this might be the best route for us. Fingers crossed.

And when she gives me attitude about homework, threatening to take away her video game time is usually a pretty swift way to correct that.

Girlfriend loves her gadgets.

My job

Work is good. My boss warned me a few months back about a huge project that’s going to be launching in early March, and he made a comment about, “don’t expect to have a social life in the second half of February.” And he’s right, it’s been really busy, but it’s been a GOOD busy. A lot of times with my work, I feel like I’m kind of a one-person shop. But right now I’m feeling like I’m an essential part of a team effort, and it’s been both stressful and really good for me, if that makes sense.

Chris and me

All is well. Since Dave has been around, we’ve been able to have a few nights here and there that are just us, which has been lovely. I’m a big fan of “date nights.”

We also do our fair share of slothing around in our sweats watching shows that are completely inappropriate for children on Netflix when the kids are with Dave. That’s pretty fun, too. (Finally just started watching House of Cards, for example. Oh, and the Dracula thing with Jonathan Rhys-Meyers – that was free on demand, not Netflix, but still. NOT appropriate for kids, yeesh.)

So, yeah. Life’s pretty good here for the most part.

February 24, 2014Permalink

this is sewious

Dave has been in Seattle for the past week for work stuff, which means I’ve been back in full-time single mom mode. Which is fine, it’s certainly not like this is something foreign to me that I’m not used to handling. But I guess I’ve gotten used to having those couple of nights a week where I know I’ll get a good night’s sleep, so it’s been rough trying to re-acclimate.

The problem is, Lucy still doesn’t sleep through the night. And yes, I know, she’s over 2 1/2 years old now. But every night, without fail, she climbs up into my bed, snuggles in between me and Chris, and spends the rest of the night kicking me in the ribs or grabbing fistfuls of my hair. And I’ve put up with it forever, but the other problem is that I hurt my back around Christmastime, and it’s been bothering me ever since. So when Lucy was waking me up at night, it took forever for me to get comfortable enough to go back to sleep.

So, I decided that I’d had enough and was going to attempt sleep training Lucy again. Side note: this is almost a year exactly after I paid a professional sleep coach to get Lucy to sleep through the night. Which, as lovely as she was and I have no doubt that she’s good at her job, it really didn’t help our situation at all.

Only now, Lucy is almost old enough that you can bargain with her. And remembering how well bribes worked on Catie, I figured this was worth a shot.

First, I had to get Catie to agree to my plan. I have boxes of Catie’s old toys in storage, things she’s outgrown and Lucy has never seen. We dug through the boxes and found a plush Ming-Ming from the Wonder Pets doll.

ming_ming

Say what you will, I love that damn duckling.

I told Lucy that I had a special present for her that she could keep in her bed with her, but that it meant that she would have to stay in her bed all night or else I’d have to send it back. I showed her the doll and she went nuts, and I reminded her, “But remember, if you want to keep her, you have to stay in your own bed, or else I’ll have to send her back to the Wonder Pets.”

And she’s been… well… better. She still comes in my room every night, but it’s usually just that she wants me to tuck her back in, or I get the classic, “I need to go potty!” or something like that.

But she clearly understands, and repeats back to me, “I stay in my own bed ALL NIGHT so Mama be happy for me.” (Where “happy for me” equals “proud of me.” Same difference.) And even with a couple of wake-ups per night, she’s generally staying in her bed until at least 7 or 7:30 every morning, which is way better than how it was going before, so I’ll take what I can get.


I still maintain that this child is damn lucky she’s cute.

Oh, and about my back? I made an appointment with my chiropractor, and after two adjustments, I feel about a thousand percent better. So, go figure.

All good things, progress-wise.

P.S. If the blog title makes no sense because you’ve never seen the Wonder Pets, that’s Ming-Ming’s catchphrase.
YouTube Preview Image
You’re welcome.

February 7, 2014Permalink

a story about a “frenemy”

(Disclaimer: if you think this post is about you, I can pretty much guarantee that it isn’t.)

So, I have this friend. She was one of the first friends I made when we moved to North Carolina in 2008, and her daughter is Catie’s age, which was sort of our common bond. I knew she was a little weird and sometimes it was hard to have a conversation with her, but our girls liked each other and I needed to make friends in my new home state. I tried to dismiss the fact that she would sometimes call me and talk for literally over an hour about herself, and never once ask me anything about how I was doing.

Fast-forward to 2011, aka pretty much the hardest year of my life. I remember this friend coming over to my house in September, because she was going to help me get some things organized in my house when I was getting ready to list it on the market.

Let me put that in perspective: my husband had left me and moved 3,000 miles away. I had a completely traumatized 4 year-old who was waking up crying every night, a 3 month-old baby, a pretty raging case of post-partum depression (hahahaaaaa can’t imagine why!), my mom had dropped everything in her life to move in with me, and I was trying to sell my house and move. There’s a reason why most of that year is kind of a blur to me now, and it wasn’t just the sleep deprivation. It’s like my brain has blocked most of it out because it was so insanely stressful and difficult.

And it was then, in the middle of that Most Epic Shitstorm of my life, that this friend sat in my living room and said, “Wow, I can’t imagine how hard this must be on Dave.”

*record scratch*

I don’t remember what my answer was at the time, but it was something to the effect of, hey, you know, maybe this is hard on him, but he isn’t the one sitting here right now with a 4 year-old and a newborn and a house to sell, so I don’t really give a shit.

(Disclaimer part 2: yes, Dave and I get along fine now and everything worked out ok for both of us. I’m just talking about how it felt at the time. It was pretty much the worst possible thing you could say to a person in my situation.)

That was kind of the turning point for me, when I realized that this friend was not much of a friend at all.

When Dave and I split, I had a single mom friend who gave me some truly great advice, and she really helped me through a lot of that time period. One of the things she warned me about was the “TMI Curse.” It’s basically: now that you’re separated/divorced, all of your friends feel safe to confide in you about all of the terrible things happening in their own marriages, because they think you’ll understand. I have been privy to some truly awful bits of information that I really wish I didn’t know about my friends’ marriages.

This “friend” (the one who sympathized with Dave) was the first one to dump on me about all of the issues between herself and her husband. Although honestly, I’m not sure if that’s related to the TMI Curse, or if it’s just because she liked to talk about herself all the time anyway, so it was kind of a natural extension of that. Either way: lots of things I wish I could un-hear.

So, this seems like a pretty easy call, right? Cut her off and be done. Except: Catie really likes this friend’s daughter.

And this brings up another issue: as the kids have gotten older, I’ve noticed that this child’s behavior is atrocious. She’s rude and obnoxious, because both of her parents basically ignore her and don’t discipline her at all. So even though I know it isn’t the child’s fault at all, I still don’t really want her influence around my own kids.

Case in point: we were at a playground together once, and Catie was trying to include another little boy in their game. My friend’s daughter didn’t like this, so she started spitting (seriously: SPITTING) on him. When I caught her doing it — and yes, I was the one who busted her because my friend was not paying attention to her kid at all — my friend’s response was, “that’s not cool, you should say sorry.” And that was it. No enforcement, just… eh, whatever, small child, do as you wish.

What. The. Hell.

And believe me, I used that as a Teachable Moment on the drive home.
Me: “Do you know what would happen to you if I caught you doing what [kid's name] did?”
Catie: “What?”
Me: “You would have to apologize to that little boy. Then you would have to apologize to his parents for being so rude. Then we would leave the playground IMMEDIATELY, and you would be punished when we got home.”
Catie: “Punished how?”
Me: “I’d take away your iPad.”
Catie: (big eyes because there is no worse punishment than that)
(long pause)
“…You know, Mom? I think [kid 's name] just forgot to use her words.”
Me: “Yes, she did. Don’t ever let me catch YOU forgetting to use your words.”

So now I’m in this weird place where I basically have to duck all of her texts asking if we can get our kids together, but I still feel like I’m required to invite her to things like birthday parties and other group events, or else she’ll see the photos on Facebook and get her feelings hurt.

(Oh, the last time we saw her, she asked my mom if Chris was “the boyfriend of the moment.” My mom was like, “Uhhh, no. He’s the only boyfriend she’s had since the divorce. There is no ‘of the moment’.” I mean, if you want to poke at me about my dating history, fine, whatever, but to my mom? Seriously? Why would someone do that?)

And she texted me about a playdate today, which was easy to blow off, since, you know, I have a job (a fact that she regularly seems to forget).

Oh, and don’t suggest dropping Catie at her house for a playdate and then leaving. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work, I still get sucked into an hour-long overview of her life while standing on her front porch. It also means that Catie will be exposed to her child’s behavior without me there to say afterward, “Hey, you saw how she did that? Let’s talk about why that’s wrong and we don’t act like that.” Damage control, you know?

So this is what it comes down to: I don’t know what to do with her. Cut the friend off? I mean, I barely ever speak to her now unless we’re at some type of event where both of our kids are present. Do I tell Catie that she can’t see her friend anymore because she doesn’t behave well?

How do people navigate these kinds of situations? How do you “un-friend” someone in real life?

January 31, 2014Permalink