Category Archives: Single Parenting

and then life turns on a dime

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There’s something pretty major happening right now that I want to blog about, but I also have to be careful of how I choose my words, because some people who read my blog seem to have a way of twisting things around.

The short version? It appears that Dave is moving back to North Carolina. Like, right now as I’m typing this, he’s driving from Seattle back to Raleigh.

There’s a lot of backstory here, and a lot of things that led him to make this decision, but those are his personal reasons and I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for me to get into all of it. It’s one thing for me to blog about all of my own personal issues, but it’s not really fair for me to talk about someone else’s.

Boundaries, you know. I’m working on them.

This obviously means a change to our custody arrangements, since right now it’s sort of a gray, nebulous “he can visit with the kids when he’s in town” phrasing, and if he’s going to be local, we need a more concrete visitation schedule in place. We’re still working on that.

He found an apartment here, in the complex that is quite literally across the street from me. It’s a big apartment complex, and the specific unit he’s renting won’t have a direct view of my house or anything, but it’s a walkable distance. I’m not sure how I feel about that – convenient, yes, but also maybe a little *too* close? I guess we’ll have to wait and see how it plays out.

I have a lot of mixed feelings about all of this. My fears are things like, how will the kids adjust to this new situation? And what if Dave is only here long enough for the kids to get used to having him around, and until Lucy really bonds with him, and then he moves away again? Then I’ll have to play grief counselor for two kids instead of just one.

And also, I’ve gotten really used to being the solo parent on the scene. Sure, Chris helps out, and so do my parents, but ultimately I’m the one in charge who calls all the shots and makes the rules. I don’t think it’ll be very easy for me to shift into more of a co-parenting setup. I have some… hmm, how to phrase it nicely?… “control issues.” Especially when it comes to my girls. That whole “mama bear” thing, you know. You don’t want to get between me and my cubs.

On the positive side, though, it means the girls get to have their dad in their lives. Which is absolutely, unquestionably a good thing for them. And selfishly, it means I’ll actually get some time off to relax and do my own non-Mommy stuff. Which is sort of mind-boggling. What will I do? Take up a hobby? Learn a craft? Or just watch Netflix and sleep? (Hint: probably Netflix and sleep.)

I think the good outweighs the bad here. Or at least I hope it will. Ultimately, I can’t control what Dave does or doesn’t do – I stopped having any say in that matter a long, long time ago. All I can do is try to help my girls adjust to this new change, and hope that it all works out for the best. And I really, truly hope that it will.

trying to work with cartoons as my background soundtrack

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Catie is still sick. This is fourth day in a row of school that she’s missed. Her fever was only 100.1 this morning, so I’m hoping that means that she’s moving in the general direction of recovery.

I’m extremely fortunate that my job is so flexible about allowing me to work from home. I don’t know what other single moms do in this position. How do you miss four days of work? I mean, really, what do you do?

And honestly, Catie is a pretty easy kid to take care of, even when she’s sick. I keep pushing fluids on her, and giving her Tylenol or Motrin to keep her comfortable, but she’s mostly content, as long as she has either a movie on TV or her iPad to keep her busy. She whines a little when she’s really miserable, but mostly she’s been ok. (If it had been Lucy that got this virus? WHOLE OTHER STORY.)

As much as my parents help out, they can’t really do much when the kids are sick. My mom is so susceptible to illnesses ever since she had chemo (btw, I realized I didn’t mention it, but she recently passed the “5 years cancer-free” point, so YAY MOM!!). The last time my parents took care of one of the kids when they were sick, my mom ended up in the ER after she caught it because it hit her so much harder. So I’m just not willing to risk it. My parents are getting up there in years, and I’d like to keep them around as long as possible. Keeping my kids quarantined when they’re contagious seems like an easy trade-off.

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Chris’s birthday is next week, and then Christmas is the week after that. I have no idea what to get him for either occasion. I’m normally pretty good at gift-giving, but with him, I’m just stumped.

And although The Bloggess’ latest post about best and worst gifts has had me cackling, it still hasn’t helped me figure out what I’m going to get. Dang.

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Also next week: Dave is flying in to visit with the kids for the holidays. The kids are really excited to see him. I, as usual, am looking forward to sleeping a lot while the kids are with him.

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Aside from Chris, I think I have almost all of my Christmas shopping done, and I mailed out my cards today. This is surprisingly punctual for me.

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Nothing else new, really. I’m just over having a miserably sick kiddo, and I’m ready for some downtime.

I’m like an extreme couponer but not as crazy or organized

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So. The past few days. Where to start?

Ok, backing up a bit: Target had this deal that if you spent $75 on Black Friday, you’d get a coupon for 20% off at a future shopping trip (the coupon was good from 12/1 to 12/7). I generally avoid shopping on Black Friday because that much open hostility among my fellow shoppers makes me nervous.

stampede2
What I imagine Black Friday shopping looks like. I would be Simba in this scenario.

Chris had hit up Target on Thanksgiving night to get some Christmas stuff for his kids, so he told me about the coupon deal. I went to Target on the night of Black Friday – long after the crazy storm of shoppers had looted the good deals and the crowd had died down – and dropped $75 in about 5 minutes. I mean, really, two big boxes of diapers is $50. Add in some eye drops and a bag of cat food, and I was basically done.

So, I had this 20% off coupon. And I also have a Target Red card so I get an extra 5% off when I shop at Target. And 25% off your entire purchase is a really good deal, right?

Last week, I cleaned out my garage and dumped two carloads of stuff at Goodwill. Then, Saturday night, I got my parents to watch the girls, I borrowed my mom’s minivan, and Chris met up with me at Target (because this was going to be a BIG trip and I needed help juggling multiple carts). We joked that our “date night” was going to be at Target, and that’s basically what it was. We met up at 8-ish on Saturday night, and we were there until the store closed at 11:00 p.m.

I filled up four carts. Four. Entire. Carts.

Major_Target_Trip

I basically have enough diapers and Pull-Ups to get Lucy the rest of the way through potty-training, and probably at least a year’s worth of paper towels, garbage bags, detergent, and toilet paper… all things that I can store in my garage and not worry about any of it going bad.

I have never shopped like that in my life.

And as much as I love shopping at Target – and I do, I often refer to Target as “my happy place” – after 3 hours there, I was done. Chris was double-checking the list and going, “wait, do you want to get a couple more boxes of cat litter?”

And I was all, “No. I’m tired, I’m hungry, and I’m thirsty. Six boxes of cat litter is enough. I wanna go home and lie down now.”

nap_or_cry

Safe to say that the extra bit of money I had put aside in my budget for Christmas expenses is pretty much gone now. And this little shopping trip was (obviously) after I got the girls their Christmas presents. I still have a little wiggle room in my budget for teachers’ gifts and whatnot, so it’s ok and we’re fine. But still, damn, that was a lot of money all at once, even with the 25% off.

But hey, if the zombie apocalypse happens to hit in 2014, I am going to be SO prepared for it.

Stop by my place if you need me to wash your clothes during The Rapture. I have plenty of detergent hanging out in my garage.

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Completely unrelated topic jump:

On Sunday, Catie was whiny and clingy and generally not acting like herself. We were out running errands on Sunday afternoon, and she fell asleep in the car, which really should’ve been a red flag, since she never naps anymore. Chris carried her into the house (I carried Lucy, who had also fallen asleep in the car), and she slept on the couch for another hour.

When she woke up, she said she wasn’t feeling good. I checked her temperature and it was 99.6. I gave her some Motrin, and she seemed to perk up and feel ok after that.

After her bath, though, she was freezing cold (even with the space heater in the bathroom) and couldn’t stop shivering. She got under a fleece blanket on the couch and her teeth wouldn’t stop chattering.

I checked her temperature again. It was 102 degrees. Crap.

I kept her home from school on Monday, and she lay on the couch and moaned pitifully and watched TV while I tried to work. (If you’ve ever tried to write a software manual while listening to “Star Wars Episode III” in the background? Hats off to you, because that crap is impossible.) The only time she left the house was when she put on her shoes and coat with her PJs because we had to take Lucy to/pick Lucy up from daycare.

She still had a fever of 101.7 this morning, so I kept her home again. And she threw up in the driveway when we were leaving to take Lucy to daycare. It wasn’t much, I think she just drank some water too fast. And really, it’s raining today, so of all the places she could’ve barfed, the driveway was kind of an optimal location from a clean-up perspective. (God, my neighbors must love me.)

My mom brought me these gel pack things that are supposed to help bring fevers down, so I put it on her after we got home from dropping off Lucy.

be_kool_pack

I had never heard of these things before, but I swear, they really work. Within 20 minutes, her fever had come down, she was eating, and she was obviously feeling better because she was talking my ear off. So I’ll be stockpiling those gel packs for future reference. They’re amazing.

Fingers crossed that she’s well enough to go back to school tomorrow, and that nobody else in this house catches her germs. We were all sick last Christmas, I don’t need a replay of that.

on mediation

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Dave and I had to go to mediation yesterday, which probably sounds very dramatic, but in reality, it wasn’t at all. We’ve been using a temporary order for custody and child support since we separated, but we needed to make some minor changes to it, and since Dave lives on the west coast, it’s a lot easier to hire a private mediator to sort this stuff out, rather than get a court date, which would likely occur when he isn’t in town for it.

So, we found a mediator. I sat in his office, and we had Dave on via video conference. And we hashed things out.

And it occurred to me that, for all of the stuff we’ve been through, we’re sort of… fine now. Sure, there’s a lot of bad stuff that happened in the past, and I doubt we’ll ever be what you’d qualify as “friends.” But we’re alright. That was kind of a startling realization to have, believe it or not. I think it’s because we both know enough people (through friends, family, and co-workers) who’ve had really terribly ugly divorces, and we’re both trying our best to not end up like that.

And really, even with these very minor changes that we made to our agreement, there were some very hard conversations that took place yesterday. Which I knew was going to happen, and I sort of went into the mediator’s office ready for a fight. But even though there were times when we vehemently disagreed, we stayed respectful. We never yelled. We never said anything nasty to/about each other. I’d say, “Well, no, I don’t think that’s right because… (whatever),” and he’d counter with his side, but it never got ugly or mean-spirited.

And even though his parenting style is totally different than mine, and we disagree on a lot (oh man, A LOT) of things as far as how the kids are raised? I do know that we’re both doing what we feel is best for the girls and we’re trying to work together for their best interests. And I have to think that even though we approach these issues from completely opposing viewpoints, the fact that he and I both love Catie and Lucy, and that we want what’s best for them? That’s going to be the thing that helps our girls most, in the long run.

So, hey, maybe we won’t ever be friends. But we’re ok. And that’s a hell of a lot better than I ever thought I’d be able to say.

only a mom

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I know I’ve written a bit about Catie’s anxiety here, and she’s getting to the age where I feel like I should stop blogging about her for the sake of her privacy. But at the same time, I get a lot of good ideas from those of you who leave comments here, and lately I need all the help I can get.

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Catie has always had a hard time with what I call “losing her people.” It started from the time she was tiny – I very distinctly remember the meltdowns Catie used to have when my sister would come to visit and then leave to go home.

Rather than outgrowing them, her meltdowns seem to get progressively worse every time Dave comes to visit.

The last time he was here, a few weeks ago, he had a great visit with the kids. He came over the night before he left, to tell them goodbye. It’s become our normal routine for when he’s here visiting.

Lucy takes these things in stride – she’s never really known Dave as a constant figure in her life, and she’s generally the personality type that just kind of rolls with it and adapts easily. Her dad shows up, she has a great time with him. He leaves, she’s still ok.

But Catie grieves the loss every time, and it’s so hard. This last time, when he was tucking the kids into bed, I sat downstairs in my office and listened on the baby monitor as Catie sobbed and begged him to stay. It was heart-breaking. I wanted to rush upstairs and comfort her, but I also knew that I needed to allow her that time with her dad.

So I sat, and I listened to her cry. It was awful.

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This past weekend, my brother came to visit. (My brother and my boyfriend are both named Chris, just to make it extra confusing.) We had a nice visit, and took the kids out to Green Acres Farm, which has become an annual tradition for us.

We went on a hayride:
Lucy & my brother on a hayride.

And Catie also rode a pony. (Lucy took one look at the ponies and was all “oh HELL no!”)
Pony ride! Assistance provided by my brother.

[Side note: my Chris and his kids came with us, and I got a really adorable picture of Lucy with Chris’s daughter, but I’m not posting it because I have a weird thing about posting other people’s kids on social media. Plus, based on what I know of his ex, I don’t want to give her any extra ammo.]

Anyway, on Sunday, when my brother left to go back to Charlotte, Catie completely fell apart. My brother was kind of surprised, since he comes to visit at least one weekend a month, so it isn’t like she never sees him. But she just sobbed, and said that she didn’t want him to leave.

I shoo’ed my brother on his way and pulled Catie into my lap. I said, “Sweetie, are you really sad about Chris leaving or is this something else?”

She said, “I just miss Daddy.” And then she sobbed harder.

I said that I know she misses him, and it’s hard, and I’m sorry that it isn’t fair that he lives so far away.

She said, “I’m the only one in my class who only has a mom.”

Oof.

I mean, yeah ok, she does have a dad, not “only a mom,” but I knew what she meant. Dave isn’t there for her school programs and things like that. I’m sure there are other kids in her class whose parents are divorced, but I’m guessing the parents involved have stayed local.

So it sucks, and I’m not sure how to help her deal with that. Catie was really dealt an unfair hand in this. I can’t fix it, even though I wish like hell that I could.

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Meanwhile, a couple of weeks ago, I had a parent-teacher conference with Catie’s teacher. And I got confirmation of what I suspected: she’s great when it comes to things like science and math that she enjoys. But if it’s something that doesn’t actively interest her, or if she isn’t positive that she’ll be able to do it perfectly – like, say, reading and spelling – she digs her heels in, says, “I can’t do it,” and refuses to even try.

She’s at or above grade level for all subjects except reading. And I don’t know how to get her past it. It seems like the minute I try to drill her on spelling words, Lucy is immediately throwing a tantrum, demanding my attention, and therefore making it impossible for Catie to concentrate.

I had the idea to maybe get a tutor for Catie, someone who can drill her on basic sight words and phonics and things. And this is where oversharing about your kid on social media comes in handy: thanks to Twitter and Facebook, I got some really great ideas for where to start. Someone pointed out that at a lot of high schools, the kids in the honor society are required to log a certain number of volunteer hours for their college applications.

I called the nearest high school to me, got the name and email address for the school’s honor society advisor, and I’m waiting to hear back from him. Hopefully that’ll at least provide an avenue to start working her up to reading at her grade level. Catie is so eager to please teenage girls and win their approval, I think it might work out really well.

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Meanwhile! I hadn’t bothered to check Catie’s school folder over the weekend, until I was packing her lunch late Sunday night. The teacher doesn’t usually send home papers over the weekend, which is why I hadn’t looked at it.

I found out that – surprise! – this week is Catie’s week to be Star Student. (It’s first grade, these things aren’t based on merit, every kid gets a week to be Star Student. The teacher has all the kids’ names on popsicle sticks and pulls one at random to choose.)

And hey, being Star Student is great! Except there’s this whole poster with printed photos we were supposed to have ready for Monday morning. And I didn’t know about it until 11 p.m. on Sunday night. So I was scrambling to do it myself since Catie was long since asleep. Chris tried to help, God bless him – replacing the ink in my printer, digging out copy paper from Catie’s art supply bin, etc. We didn’t get to bed until after 1 a.m.

In the morning, I asked why she hadn’t told me that she was Star Student this week. She said that she hadn’t known this week was her turn. Then she burst into tears. “That means I have to read a book in front of the class and I can’t read!!”

(And yes, according to the sheet the teacher sent home, Star Student has a different “thing” each day of the week – Monday, they bring in their poster all about themselves. Tuesday, they bring their favorite book and read it to the class. Wednesday, I get to go to to school and have lunch with her, etc.)

I emailed her teacher and asked what to do. This is supposed to be something fun and special for her, not a source of anxiety. She suggested Catie bring in her Skylanders graphic novel and just re-tell part of the story. My parents kept Lucy busy last night so Catie and I could read through some of it (normally she just likes to look at the pictures), and we talked about it.

At bedtime last night, she decided she didn’t want to re-tell the story, and that she’d try to read “How Do Dinosaurs Play with Their Friends?” to the class. It’s a board book, it’s a little baby-ish, but it’s sweet, and more importantly: she can read it. We practiced it together a few times (and again this morning). She was ready, but I know she was nervous about it.

Honestly, after I dropped her off at school, I had a knot in my stomach for her. I could tell how tense she was, and I hated that I couldn’t fix it or make her feel better. I sat at my desk and I just cried.

I wish I knew how to solve all of her worries. I just don’t.

Sometimes only having a mom has got to suck.

Tuesday nights at the Irish pub

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(This post is in no way sponsored by anyone, but I threw in the link to the restaurant for any of you local folks who might be interested.)

On the rare evenings that we’re both kid-free, Chris and I usually like to go out for dinner, and we have a few regular places we like to go. One of them is an Irish pub near my house. I happened to notice that they had a special on Tuesdays: $5 for a burger and side, and kids’ meals for 99 cents. I pointed out to Chris this meant that all four of us could eat for about $12, and we were sold.

We went last week, and the kids really liked it. It’s not Chick-Fil-A or McDonald’s, there are no indoor playgrounds, but the food is good, and the kids sat quietly at the table and were very well-behaved the whole time. Plus, the restaurant happens to be next door to a Goodberry’s, so I told them that if they were really good during dinner, we’d walk over there after dinner and get ice cream. What can I say, bribery works really well on both of my kids.

Stopping for Goodberry's frozen custard on a Tuesday night because why not?

I had told my parents about it, and my dad – the eternal cheapskate – wanted to try out the $5 burger himself. So, last night, since it was a Tuesday, we all went out to eat: me, Chris, the kids, and my parents.

My dad says that it’s impossible to take my kids out to eat because they’re too hyper and won’t sit still, and I wanted to show him that their restaurant behavior is actually very good. To ensure this, I brought along their iPads (yes, they each have their own iPad now, Lucy got a used one on eBay that my parents bought for her and don’t even get me started, I know my kids have no concept of how spoiled they are). And they did really well. They played on their iPads until the food arrived, then they ate their dinner, and then they played on their iPads some more when they were done, so the grown-ups could finish eating and pay the bill. They were both sweet and lovely and we had absolutely zero fights or meltdowns.

I also really like when my parents are around and can see for themselves how crazy the kids are about Chris. Catie gave him a hug the minute he walked in, and Lucy ran to him with her arms up for him to carry her. Lucy sat in between Chris and my dad at the restaurant and spent her time alternately snuggling up on each of them. (Safe to say that Lucy is a very big fan of the dudes in her life.)

We got Goodberry’s after dinner again, because apparently I’ve established that precedent now. When it was time to leave, the kids wanted to ride in my mom’s car instead of mine. I’m not sure what it is, they both love riding with my mom. I call it Mimi’s Magic Minivan. Since my parents live less than 2 miles away from me, my mom said she’d just drive them over to my house & drop them off, so we wouldn’t have any tantrums in the parking lot about getting in my car instead of hers.

And this is where, I found out later, Chris and I got “outed.” While they were driving back to my house, Catie just casually blurted out, “Yeah, Chris spends the night a lot.”

I had told Catie to not mention sleepovers to my dad a few months ago, but as it was pointed out in the comments on that post: it’s a bad idea to tell little kids to keep secrets from grown-ups. I hadn’t said anything about it since then, so it was something that I knew would get out eventually, and it wasn’t entirely surprising that it did.

My dad’s reaction to Catie’s statement was just a simple, “Oh, really?”

My mom called me later to tell me what had happened, in case he brings it up with me later. But since my dad would pretty much sooner die than ask me about my sex life, I’m guessing he probably won’t say anything.

Apparently, though, my dad said to my mom afterward, that dinner had been like what he imagined life would be like when they first started talking about moving to North Carolina, but he thought it’d be Dave at the table.

And I guess at some point, I thought that too. But I’m so, so glad it’s Chris. I can’t really imagine my life any other way.

at least there was funnel cake

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I have this love for the state fair. For one, it’s usually an indicator that the heat of summer is over and fall is underway. For another: FOOD. I have a weakness for all of the fried, terrible foods.

(Except the Krispy Kreme burger. I’m sorry, but no. I love Krispy Kreme donuts, and I love sloppy joes, but put them together, and just the thought makes me want to hurl. I actually saw someone eat one of those and I couldn’t stop the involuntary gagging.)

Catie loves the state fair, and Lucy had never been before. This past Friday, the kids’ daycare was closed for a teacher workshop day, and it was Catie’s last day of her track-out break (she started her 2nd term of first grade today). So since I had no childcare options, I decided to take the day off work and take the kids to the fair.

And this is where I learned two major down sides of taking a two year-old to the state fair:

* The stroller. OMG the stroller. The fair is far too big and spread out to NOT bring the stroller, and it is damn near impossible to navigate the crowd WITH the stroller. I usually have a “bob and weave” approach to crowds, I like to move quickly to get where I need to go. Pushing a 30-pound toddler with a 20-pound backpack (supplies for the day) in the storage compartment makes it impossible to move at anything other than a snail’s pace.

* The rides. I didn’t realize this, but all of the rides, even the tiny baby rides, all have minimum height requirements. So we go to the Kiddie Land part of the fair (because Catie is a chicken about rides and won’t do anything too adventurous or scary anyway), and they both see this ride that is basically five little boats that go around in a circle at about 4 miles an hour.

Like this:
boat ride at the fair

So they both see it, and they’re both, “BOATS!!” Ok then. We get in the line for the boat ride, and when we get to the front, the ticket lady points at Lucy and says, “She’s too little.” Wait, what? This is one of the most babyish of baby rides! How can my ginormous toddler be too little for it?

Because the minimum height is 36 inches. And Lucy is maybe 33 inches tall at the most.

So Catie got on the ride and Lucy cried, “Boats! BOOOOOOOOATS!” the whole time. It was pretty awful.

(And I mean… seriously? Look how HUGE Catie is on that ride? It was DESIGNED. FOR. TODDLERS. WTF, fair people?)

That continued for pretty much the rest of the day. Lucy could only go on the rides where I could go with her (so, the merry-go-round and spinning teacups and things like that), and she sobbed and wailed for all of the rides that she couldn’t go on. I felt awful for her.

[Aside: one of the rides that Lucy and I did together? Was a little mini-ferris wheel shaped like a fire truck. Lucy freaking LOVED it, and it scared the crap out of me. I am not a fan of heights. And Catie takes after me in this regard, because she stayed on the ground with Chris while Lucy and I rode the fire truck, and looked at us like we were crazy.]

On Saturday, Chris was going to the fair with his kids and his two nieces, and we decided to drop Lucy with my parents so Catie and I could go to the fair to meet up with them. I felt bad leaving Lucy, but she loves getting her grandparents’ attention all to herself, and I figured that I was saving us all a lot of frustration by not bringing her. No stroller, no worries about height requirements, we’re good to go.

(For the record, that boat picture above is from Saturday. I didn’t take any pictures at the fair on Friday when I was trying to comfort Lucy the whole time.)

So! Me, Chris, and 5 (count ’em) kids at the fair. Although, his nieces are 11 and 12 years old and they’re SO well-behaved, there wasn’t really much supervision needed there at all.

Catie really likes Chris’s kids a lot, and she seemed to like the nieces too, but the problem was that the other 4 kids are a lot braver than she is about trying new things, so while Catie would’ve been happy to stay in Kiddie Land the whole time, the others were wanting to go on rides with names like the Ring of Fire and the Zipper.

I talked Catie into going on the Tilt-a-Whirl with me. It was one of my favorite rides as a kid, and I figured, hey, it’s not scary, right? It just spins you around, but it’s not like it involves heights or flips you upside down or anything.

I took a selfie of us right before the ride started.

Tilt-a-whirl! (Oh lord I'm so sick now.)

Ok, so I forgot that the Tilt-a-Whirl kinda sucks. Catie screamed, “OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OHHHH MYYYY GODDDDD MOOOOOOMMMMMMYYYYYY!!!!” the whole time. (Note that she NEVER says “oh my god,” ever, it’s usually “oh my gosh,” so this was basically my kid’s version of major profanity.) I held onto her tightly and kept laughing the whole time so she’d think it was ok, but seriously? I was ready for the ride to be over after the first 30 seconds.

When it was over, she said that she hated it and she was never going to trust me ever again about trying new rides. Fair enough, kiddo, I’ll be ok if I never go on the Tilt-a-Whirl again either.

I told her that I was proud of her for trying it, even though she hated it, because that’s what life’s all about: you try new things. Sometimes you find something you love, sometimes you find out that it’s something you hate, and you never have to do it again. But at least you’ve tried it, so you KNOW.

It started to rain on us before we left the fair on Saturday, but we didn’t really mind it all that much, and overall it was a really great day.

Hopefully next year, when Lucy is a little bit taller and we don’t rely on the stroller as much, it’ll be even better.