moving on (in so many ways)

I cannot even begin to thank y’all for all of the kind and supportive words on that last post. So many people also reached out on Facebook, Twitter, etc., and I’m just overwhelmed. This whole situation is so awful, but I also feel so blessed to have such an amazing support system around me, both online and in real-life.

Yesterday, I met with our realtor. We’re going to be listing our house on the market soon. I can’t afford the mortgage by myself, and it’s too big for just me and the girls. I feel the need to downsize and simplify our lives as much as possible. I think I want to rent a house for a while. I like the idea that if something breaks, someone else has to pay for it and fix it.

It’s sad because this place was my dream house, but now I’ll forever think of it as the house where my marriage fell apart.

The weird part? We bought this house from a couple that was divorcing. You know that horror movie cliche where the haunted house turns out to be built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground? I think this house was built on top of the graves of a really bitter and angry married couple. I even burned sage when we moved in, to get rid of any bad juju lingering around. Fat lot of good that did me.

Overall, I think I’m coping ok. Like I said, I have a pretty fantastic support system around me, and I’m so, so grateful for that.

But if you don’t hear from me much over the next few weeks, it’s probably because I’m going to be frantically de-cluttering and reorganizing this entire house to get it in “showable” condition. That should be… fun?

I’ll also be spending as much time as I possibly can hugging these faces.

Hard to get mad at these faces when they wake me up on Saturday morning.

Mostly successful, only slightly uneven bang trim. Yay, I'm improving!

You sure can't tell that she's sick.

Can’t really blame me for that one. They’re pretty darn huggable.

Recent random things that have made me laugh

The past few days have been a little on the rough side. It’s all temporary stuff, I know, I’ve just been ridiculously insane a little hormonal, and it’s been hard. I’m calling my doctor to talk about changing my meds (or increasing the dosage) because I don’t feel like myself at all, so I’m being proactive and trying to fix it. Objectively, I know that my life is pretty awesome: great family and friends, two beautiful kids, everybody’s healthy, Dave & I both have good jobs, we have a nice house, etc. We’re the freaking American Dream over here. There’s no logical reason for me to feel so mopey, and I know that, so I’m going to get help for it.

And I also know that once I start getting a little more sleep on a consistent basis, and feeling a little more stable on the whole work/mom/wife front, things will get easier. Or they should.

But in the meantime, I thought I’d write down a few things that have cracked me up lately, because (a) y’all probably don’t want to read a bunch of depressing crap about my moodiness, and (b) I need to be reminded that The Funny is still here.

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1. A few nights ago, Lucy was being really fussy for no discernible reason (babies are like that sometimes, you know), and Dave was trying to calm her down while I took care of Catie’s bedtime routine. After she screamed her head off for a good long while, she finally collapsed from exhaustion. On Dave’s face.

She fell asleep. On his face.

Ok, mostly on his jaw, but still. That picture cracks me up.

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2. While changing Lucy’s diaper, she peed on the changing table, so while I was holding her in the air trying to clean it up (and she was diaper-less, of course), she peed again. And it got all over Catie’s backpack.

Catie’s reaction was to cry, “Lucy just PEES on everything and this is why we should send her to live with somebody else!”

I told her that I only have two babies and I plan on keeping both of them. Also, maybe she should stop leaving her stuff in her baby sister’s room, particularly right next to the changing table.

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3. The way Catie says “ridiculous.” She keeps telling me that stuff is “ri-dick-lee-ous.” Love it.

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4. I got this adorable monogrammed onesie as a baby gift from my aunt and uncle.

Monogrammed onesie from my aunt & uncle. Love it.

I called my mom and described it to her over the phone.

My mom: “Oh, I don’t like that.”

Me: “What? It’s cute! What do you mean?”

Mom: “I don’t think it’s safe for kids to have their names printed on their clothes like that.”

Me: “Mom, she’s 7 weeks old. You think someone’s going to call her name and she’s going to go running to them?”

Mom: “Huh. Good point.”

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5. A few nights ago, “Independence Day” was on TV and I was watching it while Catie played upstairs in her room. She came downstairs, I was about to change the channel (because, you know, it’s not exactly a kid-friendly movie), but before I could, she asked me what I was watching.

Me: “Oh, it’s just a movie about bad aliens that come to Earth. But it’s all silly make-believe stuff.” (I try to be very nonchalant about potentially scary stuff so she doesn’t get freaked out.)

Catie: [sees the shot of Air Force One in mid-flight] “Is that the aliens’ spaceship?”

Me: “No, that’s the President’s airplane. But see, in this pretend movie, they say that he [pointing at Bill Pullman] is the President. And you know that our President is Obama, right? And he doesn’t look anything like that, does he?”

Catie: “No, that’s silly! That’s not Obama! Obama has short hair just like Baby Sister!”

Looks like she's doing a little dance.

Yeah. I can totally see that. Lucy and Barack Obama are basically twins, aren’t they?

How Things Change

Baby starts crying.

Baby #1: Immediately pick up and console.

Baby #2: “Sorry, kid, but your mama has to pee so you’re just going to have to scream for about 90 seconds. I promise you won’t be scarred for life.”

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Baby spits up all over you.

Baby #1: “OMG! Bathe the baby and change her clothes! Take a shower and change my clothes! Clean everything! AAACCKKK!!!”

Baby #2: Don’t worry about it. Later, ask your spouse if he minds holding the baby so you can rinse the dried baby puke out of your hair. In the sink. You know, all classy-like.

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Baby has a massive blow-out poo-splosion diaper.

Baby #1: Run around like a headless chicken trying to figure out how you are going to clean all of this poop, because holy hell you need a gas mask and a haz-mat suit. Scream things at your spouse, like, “Hold her hands! Don’t let her put her hands in the OHMYGOD EWWW THAT IS SO NASTY!!”

Baby #2: Pretty much the same reaction. Poop is gross, man.

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Grocery shopping.

Baby #1: Take her out with you at every possible moment, both because you can’t stand the idea of being away from her for more than 5 minutes, but also because you kind of want to show her off.

Baby #2: You will be willing to pay someone hard-earned cash to come watch your kid so you don’t have to take her to the store with you. Grocery shopping alone becomes your “me time.”

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You need to shower.

Baby #1: Carefully arrange your hygiene schedule around the time that your spouse is available to take care of the baby.

Baby #2: Drag the bouncy seat into the bathroom, plop the baby down, and take your damn shower already.

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The baby sleeps for five (5!!) consecutive, uninterrupted hours.

Baby #1: Call everyone you know and alert them to this new development because, haaa! You will be well-rested and less crazy from this day forward! Hooray!!

Baby #2: Don’t tell a soul for fear of jinxing it the way you did last time, dumbass.**

Sleepy head.

**Note that the previous statement is NOT an admission that she slept for 5 hours, ok? And I certainly didn’t admit that she slept for 5 hours the last two nights in a row. Now everyone throw some salt over their shoulder or cross their fingers or say a prayer or something because OMG no jinxes pleeeeeeease!

This Week

Things that happened this week that I totally forgot to blog about because, hot damn, y’all, I am TIRED.

1. My brother and sister came over from Charlotte last weekend to hang out. That was fun, even though I completely forgot to take any pictures whatsoever.

2. Everyone (my brother, my sister, and my mom) went back to their respective homes on Sunday. We were very sad about that. Or at least, Catie and I were sad; Lucy honestly didn’t seem to notice much.

3. I survived 48 hours on solo parent duty with a four year-old and a newborn.

Um, Catie, that doesn't look very comfy for your sister.

That probably seems like nothing to some people, but for me, it felt like a pretty major accomplishment.

4. Dave got back from England on Tuesday evening. Thank God.

5. Also on Tuesday: I started back to work. And Lucy turned 6 weeks old.

Who, me? I'm not sleepy at all!
Whaaa? Where does the time go?

6. I moved Lucy to her crib, because she’s such a light sleeper that she wakes up if I so much as roll over or clear my throat. I thought maybe we might all get some more sleep that way. She’s spent the last 2 nights in her crib, and it’s been semi-successful. She’s gone from sleeping 2.5 hours at a time to sleeping 3 hours at a time, so… yay? I guess? I’ll celebrate once she’s consistently sleeping 4+ hours at a time. (Soon. Please, God, let it be soon.)

7. I’m finally starting to feel the post-partum crazies set in. I know that it’s just the accumulation of several weeks’ worth of exhaustion, and it’s all stuff that will pass as soon as I get some rest. But this has not been my best week, to put it mildly.

8. We have no plans this weekend, and I am so looking forward to that. I might not get out of my pajamas until Monday.

solo parenting again

What with all of the focus on the new baby lately, I sort of forgot to mention that Dave is flying to England today. (Well, tonight. He’s on the red eye.) This time it’s for business reasons rather than just fun/family stuff, and the trip has been planned for a while, so it’s not like I didn’t know this was coming.

And the funny thing is that I’ve been totally chilled out about the idea of this trip all along. When Dave first mentioned it weeks ago when I was still pregnant, my reaction was all, “Eh, whatever. Two kids, one me, no biggie.”

It wasn’t until late last night that I suddenly almost burst into tears. I’m sure it’s a combination of post-partum hormones, sleep deprivation, and maybe a little leftover trauma from the last time he went to the UK.

But it doesn’t even make sense, because it’s not like I’m going to be on solo parent duty for the two weeks that he’s away. My mom is flying up tomorrow and she’ll be here for the majority of the time that Dave is gone.

(My dad is coming up for a few days in there too, but since he’s not a big fan of travel, he’s only coming for a few days rather than 12 days like my mom.)

So I know I’m going to be fine. I’ll have backup. The whole thing is totally manageable.

Dave multi-tasking with both kids

But holy crap, we’re really going to miss that guy.

Safe travels, babe. Love you.

the personalities of newborns

I wrote a post a few months ago about things that were different in my first and second pregnancies. And of course, I knew that Lucy herself would be different than Catie, but I didn’t realize that the differences would be start appearing so quickly. Little things like:

Eating Habits
Catie wolfed down each bottle and ate every 3 hours like clockwork when she was a newborn. Lucy is much slower on the bottle and tends to “graze” more – she just wants a little here and there, not a lot at once.

Swaddling
Catie loved to be swaddled and slept peacefully that way until she was about 5 months old. Lucy wants her hands up by her face when she sleeps, so if you try to swaddle her, she gets ANGRY. I’ve started swaddling her under her armpits so at least her lower half is all warm and snuggly, and that seems to work pretty well.

Can't say that I mind waking up to this face.
Exhibit A: Lucy’s hand placement when sleeping.

Swings vs. Bouncer
Catie hated the swing and loved the bouncy seat. Lucy is the opposite – loves the swing, not a fan of the bouncer.

Music
Catie has loved pop music since she was in the womb. (Seriously, she’d start kicking every time I turned on Madonna.) And she still likes the dance radio station whenever we’re in the car. She loves Lady Gaga, ABBA, Michael Jackson, Pink, all kinds of pop music.

Lucy, on the other hand, seems to have an affinity for the “O Brother Where Art Thou” soundtrack. Which may be because I sing this song to her as a lullaby.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4D8YEgANLow

She also seems to like Rufus Wainwright and other stuff that’s on the more mellow end of the spectrum.

Diapers
These kids have very different, um, bathroom habits. Lucy tends to hold it in and then have very explosive results. I’m not a fan of this. And I can only assume that my washing machine isn’t either. Yuck.

Pacifiers
Catie was never interested in pacifiers, but they really seem to comfort Lucy a lot.

It’s just a lot of little things, really, but it’s cool to see how babies are essentially born as their own unique person. I can’t wait to see how their personalities differ (or are similar) as they get older.

Catie & Lucy

One thing they seem to have in common so far is a strong mutual affection. And I really love that.