Category Archives: Friends & Family

New Year’s Meme for 2012

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Ok, hopefully this one will be less depressing than last year’s. Here goes!

1. What did you do in 2012 that you’d never done before?
Got divorced. It was a bit anti-climactic.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I didn’t make any last year, and I doubt I will this year. I mean, sure, lose 20 pounds and win the lottery, right? Same as everyone else in the world. Ho hum.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A whole mess of bloggy friends had babies this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
The dad of the family that lived next door to me when I was little. That one tore me up.

One of my dad’s cousins passed away as well, but he and I weren’t close at all.

5. What countries did you visit?
I can think of exactly 3 trips I took this year. None of them involved leaving the US. Two didn’t even leave the state of North Carolina.

6. What would you like to have in 2013 that you lacked in 2012?
This was my answer last year…

Stability. Calmness. Serenity. Less drama. Two kids who sleep through the night in their own damn beds. Little things.

Yeah. That. I would still like that, please and thank you.

7. What dates from 2012 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
* March 18th – My first “real” date with The Guy.
* October 12th – My divorce was finalized.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I ran 2 miles without stopping. I can’t think of anything else I could file as an “achievement” per se.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I feel like I spent too much of my life zoned out in my own head, rather than interacting with my girls. I need to make a more conscious effort to close the laptop, put down my phone, get down on the floor, and play.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Two trips to the ER, but both for things that were relatively minor. (Thankfully.)

And one stupid injury: back when we went to the beach in August, a wave knocked me down while I was holding Lucy, and something about the way I twisted when I fell (trying to keep her out of the water), I ended up pinching a nerve in my shoulder. It’s one of those things that will get better and then start hurting again for no reason, and it is VERY. ANNOYING. (I’ve already tried acupuncture and it didn’t help. I suppose I should also see a chiropractor.)

11. What was the best thing you bought?
Technically, I didn’t buy it, but I did convince my parents to trade in their 9 year-old desktop for a new PC, and the lack of tech support I have to provide on a daily basis now is FANTASTIC.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Both of my girls have proven to be so resilient and adaptable to new situations, and they just astound me every day with whatever new thing they’ve just learned. Lucy is suddenly speaking in short phrases/sentences (“Get book,” “Want eat,” etc.), and Catie will rattle off some random science fact that I have to google to verify that, in fact, she’s right and I’m basically an idiot.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
I can think of a few Facebook friends who would fall in this category. Like those who joked about hiring an assassin after Obama won the election. Thankfully, nobody close to me fits in that category.

14. Where did most of your money go?
Daycare. Rent. Nothing fun. Sadface.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Catie started kindergarten.
Lucy started walking.
I fulfilled a dream from 30 years ago and finally saw Duran Duran in concert.
A few other things I got all spazzy and excited about, but which escape my memory right now.

16. What song will always remind you of 2012?
Oddly enough, probably “Eye of the Tiger,” because Catie became obsessed with it and played it over and over again until I thought I was going to lose my mind.

Also, I know it’s overplayed, but “Home” by Phillip Phillips. I will never forget the first time I heard both of my girls singing the “oooh-oooh-oooh” part from the backseat at the same time. It just made my heart happy.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

a) happier or sadder? Happier. THANK GOD.
b) thinner or fatter? Same.
c) richer or poorer? Same.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Same answer as last year: Traveling. Reading books. Doing fun stuff with my girls.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Same answer as last year: Moping. Yelling. Crying.

20. How did you spend Christmas?
In the ER. Boo. I want a refund.

21. Did you fall in love in 2012?
Yeah. I did. Hard.

22. What was your favorite TV program?
Other than The Daily Show and random stuff like that, I have zero TV shows that I’m into right now. By the time the kids go to sleep, I just want SILENCE, not TV. It’s like my ears are exhausted and I can’t process anymore.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
No.

24. What was the best book you read?
Most of the books I read fall under the category of “romance/smut,” and I am far too embarrassed to link to any of it. (In my defense, I need to read things that aren’t too plot-heavy, since I have almost zero attention span due to extreme sleep deprivation. So basically, let’s all blame my children for the fact that my reading tastes have deteriorated to crap.)

So instead I’ll say Let’s Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson, aka The Bloggess.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I’ve picked up on a whole bunch of new music by listening to other people’s Spotify playlists. I think my favorites so far are either the Civil Wars or Fleet Foxes.

26. What did you want and get by year’s end?
… I have absolutely no idea…

27. What did you want and not get by year’s end?
… And again, no idea…

28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I think the only movie I saw in the theater was The Hunger Games, which was good. I really loved Beginners. I finally saw The King’s Speech and loved it.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 36. Greis was here. We went out for dinner, and then I got a sinus infection. Because of course.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If my friends lived closer and I got to see them more often.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2012?
I’m trying SO hard to fight The Frump and to feel cute and stylish. I bought jeans that look good on my butt. I got cuter shoes. I wouldn’t exactly call myself fashionable, but I’m working on it.

32. What kept you sane?
Oh, my friends who let me text them to vent about whatever random stuff that’s driving me crazy. There’s only a couple of y’all. And you rock.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I can’t really think of anyone. I mean, Channing Tatum’s abs are pretty amazing, but I can’t think of anyone else who was particularly drool-worthy.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
The election was pretty major. Currently, I’d say the whole gun control thing is driving me insane. I’ve had to “hide” a few people on Facebook because I just can’t even deal.

35. Who did you miss?
The last month or so, I’ve missed The Guy. A lot.

36. Who was the best new person you met?
The Guy. No matter how things may have ended up. No doubt, it was him.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2012.
Self-discovery hurts but is generally worth it.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“Now I gotta get a move on
Fit for the sun,
I hear my baby calling my name
and I know she’s the only one.
And if I die in Raleigh,
at least I will die free.”
— “Wagon Wheel,” Old Crow Medicine Show

Happy new year, y’all.

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

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I feel like I need to try to sum up Christmas somehow, before the year is over. Only I’m not sure where to start. Be warned that I’m writing this under the influence of MANY over-the-counter cold medications. So. Just saying.

Dave’s been here for the past couple of weeks, and we had a pretty well planned-out agreement of how we’d divide up Christmas. I’d take the girls on Christmas Eve because that’s when we do most of the big stuff in my family (we go to church, have a big meal, etc.). And then after the Santa chaos died down on Christmas morning, I’d hand them off to Dave and they’d have a second Santa thing at his place and spend Christmas Day and night with him. Easy enough, right?

(cue foreboding…)

Last Friday (the 21st), while the kids were with Dave and I was happily in my PJs catching up on movies on my DVR, I started to notice that I felt a little weird. My throat felt scratchy. I shrugged it off as me being paranoid since one of the movies I had just watched was Contagion. Power of suggestion, whatever. I went to bed.

I woke up on Saturday and realized that no, I was really sick. Things got progressively worse.

Sunday, I ended up at a walk-in after-hours clinic.

Them: “Did you get a flu shot this year?”
Me: “Umm… I forgot. But I remembered get both of my kids theirs, so that kinda counts as me being a responsible adult, right?”
Them: “Yeah, not really. You have the flu. Go home and go to bed. Here, take this inhaler to help you breathe.”

The girls were with me on Sunday night, and I knew I was in over my head. My family stepped up and kept them at my parents’ house (since my brother and sister were also there to help). I quarantined myself to my house and tried to sleep it off.

Monday was Christmas Eve, and I spent most of the day sick and miserable. My family missed church services because of me, and my mom and sister made Christmas dinner (which is normally my thing). I also realized that our house was in no condition for any visits from Santa Claus. It was a mess, and there was no way I could get it ready in my current state. I told Catie (since Lucy doesn’t understand the Santa thing yet) that I had texted Santa and that he was going to bring her presents to her Mimi & Pop-Pop’s house instead of ours. I got them to bed at my parents’ house for the 2nd night in a row, barely managed to stay conscious long enough to set up the Santa layout at my parents’ house, then drove home and collapsed.

Christmas morning, I dragged myself out of bed before sunrise and got to my parents’ house at 6 a.m. so I’d be there when the girls woke up. They had a great time, and there are pictures of their beautiful happy faces, but they’re on my mom’s camera. I’ll get them someday. I basically lay on the couch having fever sweats while they opened their presents.

I barely managed to hand them off to Dave later on Christmas morning, then I immediately went to bed. Later that day, my fever spiked up to nearly 104, and I was… out of it. Somehow I called my mom, and she and my brother found me on the kitchen floor with my face pressed up against the refrigerator. Which in my head made sense, because my skin felt like it was on fire, and the fridge was cool. My brother picked me up and they got me to the car and off to the ER we went.

Oh, right, here’s the one picture I posted on Christmas Day. How unbelievably joyous, am I right?

Merry Christmas to me.

Chest X-ray and bloodwork showed… yep. Really, really bad case of the flu. They loaded me up with fluids (because I was dehydrated) and pain meds (which I was incredibly grateful for, until the rebound headache kicked in), and then they sent me home.

Btw, if you can avoid going to the ER on Christmas Day? I highly recommend that you do so. It’s not a happy place to be.

All that to say… I’m kind of ok-ish now. The flu part (fever, aches, etc.), that’s all gone, but the cough got worse and turned into a sinus infection/bronchitis combo. And of course, I am now unable to say that I have bronchitis without thinking of Sweet Brown.


Ain’t nobody got time for dat, indeed.

I have to say, Dave has helped out a lot with the kids while I’ve been out of commission. And yeah, ok, he’s the dad, that’s what dads are supposed to do, but whatever. Credit where it’s due. They’ve had so much fun with him over the past couple of weeks, and for that, I am grateful.

And my family just… damn. I don’t even know how I’ll ever be able to thank them enough. I mean, because of their help, we managed to keep the girls’ lives as normal as possible through all of this, and they’re FINE. Better than fine. Catie decreed that it was the “Best! Christmas! Ever!” Which is funny since that’s exactly what she said last year. And they’ve thought that getting to have sleepovers at their grandparents’ house – with bonus aunt and uncles included – was just an awesome treat. So they’ve had a blast.

As for me, I’m waiting for these antibiotics to kick in aaaaaany minute now, and 2012 can just see itself on out the door, thankyouverymuch.

So damn lucky

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(Apologies to Dave Matthews for using his song as a blog post title. It was the best I could do.)

I had plans to blog on Friday, and then… well. And then an elementary school in Connecticut got shot up and I spent the rest of the day crying in front of the news.

I don’t have any brilliant insight or words of wisdom here. I’m just as dumbstruck as everyone else.

These school shootings happen way too often, and normally they don’t get to me like this one did. I don’t know why. Maybe because this was an elementary school and the kids were all around Catie’s age. Self-centered worldview, I guess. It just really hit me in my gut.

On Saturday night, we were up late because we had spent the evening at my parents’ house. Lucy has a cold, and it took me a while to get her settled in bed. While she was waiting for me, Catie fell asleep on the couch. Rather than wake her up, I decided to just carry her upstairs to bed. My first thought was how big she is. She’s weighs about twice what Lucy weighs, and when I carry her, her feet dangle past my knees because she’s so tall.

But at the same time, I had this overwhelming sense of how little she is, because even though she’s heavy, she’s still little enough that I’m able to pick her up and carry her up a flight of steps. After I put her to bed, I went to my room and sat on the floor next to my bed, and I cried for all of the parents who don’t get to pick up their “really too big to be carried” babies anymore.

Last month, my friend Laura took some pictures of us for our Christmas cards. (Seriously, if you’re local and need a photographer? Go talk to her.) Today I’m looking at these pictures of my beautiful girls, who are still here with me, and I feel so, so incredibly blessed and lucky to have them.

Catie

Lucy

Lucy and me

me and my Catie-bug

Catie and Lucy

I mean, seriously. How did I ever get so fortunate?

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My lovely friend Victoria lost her nephew Noah Pozner in the Connecticut school shooting on Friday. For info on how you can help Noah’s family, click here.

Transitions.

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Random stuff from this weekend:

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My sister was here this weekend, and my mom and I went shopping for wedding dresses with her. That was… oh, man. It was bad. Two things:

1. Wedding dress sample sizes. I forgot how they’re all teeny-tiny (they say it’s a size 10 but it’s more like a 6), and they expect regular girls to somehow squeeze into these tiny dresses and try to get an idea of whether or not the same dress in our actual size (which is at least 2 sizes bigger than what we wear in regular clothes, because I guess wedding dress designers really like to screw with a woman’s self-esteem on the single most special day of her life by making her feel like a moose) will look good on us.

God, y’all, poor Tracy. I had been all, “Yay! Dress shopping! Fun!” Then as soon as she started putting them on, I was like, “ohhhh, PTSD, dude.” I feel so bad for not warning her in advance. I forgot about all of the bridal shops that I cried in because I hated the way I looked in all of their dresses. I swear it’s more traumatic than swimsuit shopping. At least in a swimsuit, you can think, “Ehh, I’ll blend in at the pool, no biggie.” In a wedding dress, you KNOW everyone is going to be looking at you. It’s horrible.

2. If you are a bride-to-be who is going shopping for anything wedding-related, you should perhaps think twice before inviting along someone who’s been divorced for all of a month. Bitterness and cynicism, party of two, your table is ready!

I fear I am a terrible, terrible maid of honor. Sigh.

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The girls have done really well this time after Dave left. Catie was a little sad on Friday, but then my sister showed up on Friday night, and she was pretty well distracted after that. Lucy has asked for, “Daddy? Daddy?” a couple of times, but I just say, “Nope, Daddy’s not here right now,” and she accepts that and moves on without freaking out.

Like last time, I told Catie that on Sunday, we could do something fun, and she could choose what our adventure would be. She picked the North Carolina History Museum. I swear I don’t know where this little nerd child of mine comes from, but I love her for it. The entire trip cost me the gas to get downtown and a whopping 51 cents so she could use one of those machines that flattens a penny and imprints it with a design (in this case, it was an airplane – the whole North Carolina “First in Flight” thing).

Oh these girls.

So, they’re doing really well. Which has been a huge relief.

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I broke up with The Guy last night. Via text message, because I am a coward when it comes to confrontations. There’s so much of the story that I don’t want to share, because only half of the story is mine, and I can’t speak for him.

I’ll say this: I spent years of my life trying to bend myself to make myself fit into the mold of what I thought the man I was with wanted me to be. (Not Dave’s fault, I take responsibility for that myself.) I realized that I was doing the same thing with him, just in a completely different way. And I can’t – no, I’m not willing to – live like that anymore.

It sucks, and I’m upset about it. At the same time, in the grand scheme of failed relationships of my life? I’m not sure if this one even registers on the Disaster Scale.

But that’s that. I’m thinking I’m going to take the holidays to focus on my girls and maybe a little more self-care (working out, meditating, whatever I need to do to feel more like “me” again), and then take it from there.

Onward we go, right?

A very dino Halloween

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Halloween was especially fun this year, since it was Lucy’s first time getting to trick-or-treat. Technically, she went along last year, but I carried her in the Baby Bjorn the entire time, so that didn’t really count.

I was thinking that since Lucy’s favorite thing in the world right now is the TV show Yo Gabba Gabba, I might dress her up as one of the characters. I was thinking that DJ Lance would’ve been hilarious, and Foofa would’ve worked too. Her favorite character on the show is Muno, but I’m sorry, I can’t bring myself to dress my child up as a character that looks like a giant knobby red dildo. I just can’t. It’s bad enough that she sleeps with a plush version of him, I already worry about what that’s doing to her tiny toddler psyche.

But then, Catie wanted to be a dinosaur (again – this is kind of a recurring theme for her), and she asked if Lucy could be a dinosaur too. And, well, quite honestly, the idea of big and little dinosaurs was too cute for me to pass up.

I didn’t really get good pictures of the two of them together because they were constantly on the move, but…

Catie, my big scary dinosaur:

Catie the dinosaur at the daycare Halloween party

And Lucy, my tiny baby not-scary dinosaur (although she was happy to “ROAR!” for anyone who asked):

Lucy the baby dinosaur. I die.

I mean, are you kidding me I can’t even.

(As for not being able to get pics of them together? This was pretty much the best one I got:

Catie and Lucy, my big & little dinosaurs

See? Impossible!)

We did the Halloween party and parade at daycare, then went to my parents’ house for dinner, before going out trick-or-treating. We decided to trick-or-treat in my parents’ neighborhood, because the houses are on smaller lots, so they’re closer together, and the area is less hilly than my neighborhood, so I figured it’d be easy for the kids to walk it and hit a lot more houses in a lot less time. (I also figured that Lucy wasn’t going to last too long, since one year-olds aren’t exactly famous for their attention spans.)

Overall, really, it was great. Catie is old enough now that she knows the drill of saying “trick or treat!” and “thank you!” at every house. She’s a pro now and was totally easy all night.

Lucy wouldn’t say trick-or-treat, but every time someone gave her candy, she’d wave and say, “bye-bye!” and then blow them a kiss. So, yeah, pretty much the cutest thing ever, and she got a lot of “Awwwwww!”s from other parents.

Catie declared this to be the “Best Halloween EVER!!” Which is funny since that’s also what she said last year, and I’m guessing it’s likely what she’ll say next year.

The kids took a while to come down from their sugar highs and go to sleep, but they’re snuggled in their beds now, probably dreaming about cute little dinosaurs and chocolate.

I think I’ll go join them.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

Saturday at the farm

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So, I guess after you do something two years in a row, it officially becomes a “tradition”? It feels like it, anyway. The past couple of years, I’ve taken Catie to this great local farm here. (Last year, I didn’t bring Lucy because she was too little to enjoy it.)

I was thinking that we were going to miss the farm this year because we hadn’t done it yet, and I don’t even know if they’re open after Halloween, and the forecast this weekend looked sketchy at best. (Oh, hi, Hurricane Sandy! Thanks for going a little farther north than us.)

As it turned out, on Saturday afternoon, it was overcast and windy, but there wasn’t any rain, so my mom came over and suggested we take the girls to the farm. I was supposed to meet up with one of my friends and her daughter for a playdate, so I called and asked her if she wanted to go to the farm instead of her house. I think she was relieved to not have to host a playdate at her house, because she jumped on the idea immediately.

Catie impresses me every time she decides that she’s going to “be brave” and try something new. This year, I didn’t have to coax her to climb on the hay bales. She was all over them, and climbed as high as she could go.

Catie on the hay bales at the farm

She stood up there with the wind whipping all around her and shouted that she was queen of the world. It was a very Titanic kind of moment.

She also posed with her friend Morgan for me.

Catie and Morgan at the farm

Is it possible to get a photo of 5 year-olds where they aren’t giving you fake smiles? I’m highly doubtful.

I plopped Lucy about halfway up on the hay bale stack, and she loved it. (I wasn’t too worried about her falling off, because I was within arm’s reach of her, and also there are several inches of hay-padding on the ground.)

Lucy on the hay bales at the farm

(Note the mud on her pants & shoe. If there is a mud puddle anywhere within a mile radius, Lucy will find it and fall in it. I cleaned her up the best I could, then figured the hell with it, she was fine and her clothes were all washable. She didn’t seem bothered in the slightest.)

The pony ride is always Catie’s favorite part of the farm, and this year we thought Lucy might like her first pony ride too. My mom walked beside her to make sure she didn’t fall off, and she LOVED it.

Catie on the pony rides

Lucy's first pony ride (with assistance from Mimi)

Another thing she and her big sister have in common, clearly.

After a couple of hours, the kids were worn out. We stopped at the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin before we left. I tried to get a picture of the three girls (Catie, Lucy, and Catie’s friend Morgan) next to the pumpkin measuring chart, and this is how the majority of my pictures turned out.

This is basically how most pictures turn out when you have 3 kids in the "5 & under" set.

Yeah.

I finally got this one.

The best group shot I could get.

Fine. That’s as good as it’s going to get.

Oh, about that pumpkin? Here’s my lazy mom shortcut tip: don’t carve the pumpkin. Just draw on a jack-o-lantern face with a Sharpie. It takes 2 minutes and you’re done. Plus, no mess. WIN.

Lazy mom shortcut: we don't carve pumpkins, we draw their faces with a Sharpie. Took 2 minutes. Done.

Overall it was a really fun day. I’m grateful the rain held off until later so we were able to enjoy the farm this year.