The only reason I’m writing about this is so Cate can read it someday when she’s older and be mortified that this story is published on the Internet for all to see.

This morning started off like normal. Cate woke up, I fed her, and then I went to get her dressed for daycare. I let her crawl around naked for a while, which she loves to do. Seriously, y’all have no idea how many naked pictures and videos I have of this child. She gets mad when I try to put clothes on her. So I try to let her have plenty of naked time every day because it makes her happy, and I love hearing her laugh. And ok, occasionally she’ll pee on the floor, but you know, when you’ve cleaned up as many cat hairballs as I have, that’s really no big thing.

Today, she pulled a first: she pooped on the carpet. Normally when she poops, she does the whole red-faced, grunting thing, and it takes her a while to produce anything. Obviously, if I had seen any signs of an impending poop, I would’ve slapped a diaper on her and that would’ve been that. But this happened so fast – she slowed down mid-crawl, and PLLLLBBBTTTT!!! It just exploded out of her butt. And all over her legs and feet.

The next ten seconds are still replaying in slow-motion in my head. She turned around, sort of surprised, like “hey, looky at what I just did!” Then… she grabbed it. Oh, the horror. I grabbed her arm to stop her from making more of a mess, and in doing so, she managed to smear her poop-covered hand all over my pajamas.

So that’s the story of Why We Were Late for Daycare today, since a bath for both of us was mandatory after that little incident. God, my gag reflex is still acting up when I just think about it.

Also, on our way out the door, I tripped on our front step. This same thing happened back when Cate was about ten days old. I didn’t skin my knee this time, but I did manage to twist my ankle, stub my pinky toe and slam my back against the side of the house before landing flat on my butt. Don’t ask me how I pulled that off – I’m sure I couldn’t demonstrate it if my life depended on it. The good news is that no clothing was ruined, and Cate was totally fine. I wasn’t even carrying her this time – I had set the car seat down to turn around and grab my cell phone (which I had dropped) when I fell. She got a little upset because I screamed when it happened, but she got over it quickly. (I yelled the Queen Mother of All Dirty Words, too – good morning, neighbors! Sorry about that!) I don’t think that bodes well for a good day, do you?

Unrelated: Sally is having a baby! I’m so excited for her, I’ll bet she’s just about the cutest pregnant lady ever, and I can’t wait to have playdates when we’re in my hometown. (Also, Sally, I hope the above poop story doesn’t make you re-think this whole baby thing. I promise it’s totally worth it 99.9% of the time.)