I think I’ve stated before that I am not a graceful Earth Mother type who relishes every moment of being pregnant, right? Ok then, consider yourself warned for the whine-fest ahead.
One of the parts that I really hate about pregnancy is not feeling like I’m in control of my own body. Sure, I’m klutzier, but whatever. That’s no big deal, I’m a klutz anyway. And I have no control over the way that my body is physically expanding and changing. Again, this is not my first time at this particular rodeo, so that’s not a big deal to me either.
It’s the emotional part. The crying about abso-freaking-lutely nothing, the getting angry about stupidly insignificant things, and just feeling like a really horribly unpleasant person. That’s the part that I hate the most.
Example scenario: The past couple of days, my breakfast has been an omelet with spinach and tomatoes. It’s delicious, and I do it with about 1/3 eggs and 2/3 Egg Beaters, because let’s face it, you can eat a hell of a lot more with no guilt if you’re using the low-cal egg substitute.
[Side note: Before I got pregnant? I was doing the same thing for breakfast, except it was spinach and mushrooms. But pregnancy totally put me off mushrooms – which used to be one of my favorite things in the whole wide world, so that was weird. But I do have a history of eating tomatoes when pregnant. When I was pregnant with Catie, I would eat about four or five whole tomatoes a day – just slice ’em up, salt ’em, and wolf ’em down. When I’m not pregnant? I can take or leave tomatoes, I’m totally indifferent about them. Bizarro.]
So, I come downstairs this morning all excited to make my omelet. Only to find out that while we do have spinach, we’re out of tomatoes. Like, even the diced tomatoes in a can. None. The closest thing we have is ketchup, and… well, NO. That would be disgusting in an omelet.
And seriously, I stood in the kitchen for a good five minutes, trying to figure out what I was going to do. I wanted to yell at Dave for finishing the last of the tomatoes – because, you know, the big jerk woke up earlier than me, and how dare he? I debated getting dressed and going to the store right then for tomatoes, except I hadn’t eaten anything yet, and I’m pretty sure that pregnant lady + empty stomach = A BAD SCENE at the grocery store. (I’d come out with $200 worth of food, easy.)
Then I decided that maybe the wisest thing to do would be to eat something else, and have my spinach-tomato omelet later, after going to the store. But the thought of eating something else made me feel like I either wanted to barf or cry. Or both.
See? IRRATIONAL. And I know it, I totally recognize it, but I cannot seem to control it. And I really, really hate it.
In the end, I ate a piece of cheese toast. Which I normally love, but today it was wholly unsatisfying. Still, it was enough that I can now go to the grocery store without fear of buying everything in sight.
But I might buy every last can of diced tomatoes that they have. You know, just to be safe.
Last night, I was walking from the living room back into the kitchen, when Dave sort of looked at me sideways.
Dave: “So… Has anyone at work asked you if you’re pregnant yet?”
Me: “Nope.”
Dave: “Well then, they’re obviously just being polite, because, DAMN.”
Uh.. thank you, my love?
Here’s the thing: the office where I work? Is almost entirely male. And the guys are all nerds, which means they’re overall a relatively shy bunch, and I’m pretty sure they’d rather die than risk offending me by asking if I’m pregnant.
So, you know what? Fine. Let them wonder if maybe I just went balls-out nuts with the holidays treats this year. I’m not that bothered by it.
But something that has been bothering me, is the fact that my maternity clothes don’t fit me very well. My starting weight when I got pregnant with Catie was 20 pounds lighter than this time, so my old maternity clothes are mostly too tight, too short, or I feel like my boobs are going to fall out of them. (And don’t get me wrong, I don’t have giant pregnant hooters now. I’m just not used to having anything, so actually filling out a B cup is sort of mind-blowing to me.)
[Random aside: I was wearing one of the shirts that makes me feel extra cleavage-y the other day when I was helping Catie get dressed. I leaned over to help her get her pants on, and she put her hand on my chest and said, “I like your boobs, Mommy.” I was sort of dumbstruck for a response, but finally I said, “Thanks. Me too.”]
Since I worked crazy overtime hours yesterday, I decided to make up for it by taking off a little early today, and I headed to the mall to try to find some maternity clothes that fit me.
So, yeah. I think I might be showing a bit?
The crazy thing is that at my doctor’s appointment last week, the scale said I’d only gained two pounds so far. I don’t understand how a belly that large can only account for two measly pounds, and lord knows I have not been making any effort whatsoever at maintaining a healthy diet or exercise plan with this pregnancy. So I guess stuff must be redistributing itself from other parts of my body, but damned if I know.
But if this is how large I look at 19 weeks, I’m terrified to think of how huge I’m going to be in about three months from now!
I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends post these, and I remembered that I’ve done it a couple of yearsmyself. So, here we go again.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I tried out a job as an IT recruiter. It didn’t go well, and I quit in September.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I do not believe in New Year’s resolutions. But I’ll make one this year: sometime in late spring/early summer, I plan to deliver a happy, healthy, preferably human baby. Let’s see how it goes!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A friend who I’ve known since I was about 7 years old had a baby girl (not sure if she reads this, but hi Allison!). And about a million Internet friends had babies. (Another million of us all got pregnant this year.)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Although technically, my uncle was dead for several minutes after a major heart attack, but thank God, he came back to us and seems to be doing really well.
5. What countries did you visit?
Stayed in the US. Hell, I didn’t even make it west of the Mississippi River this year. Lame.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Same answer as last year: financial stability. We’re working toward that, slooooowly.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 27th – My baby girl turned 3 years old.
September 22nd – Found out I was pregnant with baby #2.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Besides getting pregnant? I really, really, really wanted a specific job, and I got it.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I was not as kind or patient as I should be with the people I love the most. They deserve my best, and I catch myself phoning it in way too often.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Besides scarring my elbow forever, and a few rounds of sinus-related gunk, no.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I just blanked on major purchases this year. Dave tends to be the Head Gadget Buyer in our house, and I can’t really think of anything I bought myself. Um, I got a new iPhone after mine was lost/stolen at BlogHer? I guess that counts?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Catie’s, for showing me how to conquer my fears by overcoming her own, on a regular basis.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Besides celebrities and politicians? Maybe some distant family members who I probably should not be Facebook friends with, but overall? I think everyone is doing ok.
14. Where did most of your money go?
House. Debts. Daycare. The usual.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Babies! My own, of course, plus all of my friends who had babies or who got pregnant this year.
Also, at the risk of sounding like a total dork, my job. I really love it.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
A lot of songs by Lady Gaga and the Blackeyed Peas, because I listened to it non-stop when I was working out. And also because Catie learned the words to some of them, and there is nothing funnier than a three year-old singing “Bad Romance.”
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Pregnant ladies probably shouldn’t answer this question, as the answer is subject to change on a minute-by-minute basis. Let’s just say the same. b) thinner or fatter? Ha! Definitely fatter. c) richer or poorer? I think our financial situation is actually less bleak than last year, so, I guess richer?
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Outings with my family.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Yelling.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
We stayed in our pajamas most of the day, watched movies, and ate a ton of food. It was heaven.
21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Already in love. Stayed there.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
LOST. And I’m still sad about it ending. Other contenders: Project Runway, Big Love, Hoarders.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nah. I try not to hold on to grudges as a rule.
24. What was the best book you read?
I started several books and didn’t finish a single one. So I’m going to say “The Help,” because I finally finished it this year, and it was a damn fine read.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I’m currently obsessed with Crowded House, but since everything I’m listening to is well over ten years old, I don’t think that counts.
I also can’t stop playing this guitar piece that Dave shared on Facebook recently.
Catie loves it too. She said she’s going to learn how to play that when she’s a grown-up, and immediately asked me to play it again when it was over. She watched it carefully, and said, “I think this is a song for the baby Jeegus.” I get what she means, it sounds reverential and almost like something you’d hear in church. I just love her way of phrasing things.
26. What did you want and get by year’s end?
Pregnant.
27. What did you want and not get by year’s end?
A million dollars.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Inception.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34, and we went out to dinner. Dave got me a couple of really good gifts, as he always does.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If my parents had been able to sell their house and move to North Carolina. Fingers crossed that it’ll happen before baby #2 arrives!
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Jeans and sneakers. Currently wearing maternity clothes from 2006 that are way too small on me. It’s totally adorable, trust me. (Ha!)
32. What kept you sane?
All of the weekend mornings when Dave would get up with Catie and take her out so I could sleep late. He’s a keeper, that one.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Same answer as last year. George Clooney, and Josh Holloway from LOST (if you don’t know who he is, do a Google image search. You’re welcome).
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I spent way too much time and energy way too fired up about too many things.
35. Who did you miss?
My mom. I wish she lived closer. Hopefully soon!
36. Who was the best new person you met?
After BlogHer, there are far too many to list.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
I need to focus more positive attention on the people I love, and make sure they always know exactly how important they are to me.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“I could get carried away,
but not anymore.
What was it I heard you say?
You love me cuz I’m strong.
I hope that you’re not wrong.”
— “Hot Gets a Little Cold,” Cyndi Lauper
Christmas has come and gone, the relatives have all left, it’s back to being just the three of us (plus the fourth one who’s still baking). In a way, it’s a relief – it’s nice to have things back to the normal routine, yadda yadda – but at the same time, it’s kind of a bummer.
Catie isn’t adapting to this change very well at all. It’s probably common for kids this age, but a few times now, she’s said something about Christmas, and when I remind her that Christmas is over until next year, she bursts into tears. I think having everyone leave was particularly hard on her. She loves having people around, and she hates it when they leave.
The day my parents left, I found my mom sitting on the floor with a distraught Catie in her lap. She was wailing, “But I don’t want you to leeeeeave! I miss you when you gooooo!” My mom said that absolutely broke her heart.
It was worse when my mom called to say their plane had landed safely, and I repeated to my sister that they’d gotten home. Catie heard this, and said, “Home? They’re here? Let’s go see them!” And she started to run out to the garage. When I explained no, baby, they were back at their home… oh, the tears.
My sister and her boyfriend left yesterday, the last of our Christmas visitors. I knew that Catie wasn’t going to take it well, so when she started to have a meltdown about them leaving, I suggested that she and I go do something fun on our own. Which is how I ended up spending a good chunk of yesterday afternoon at the Jump Zone.
Of course, then we had to follow that up with a trip to Burger King for a kid’s meal. And she still didn’t want to go home after that, so I let her go to the drop-in daycare near our house for a couple of hours so she could keep on playing while I went home to put my feet up and rest for a while.
It worked pretty well, she totally wore herself out. She slept over 11 hours last night, which never happens. She even took a nap today too, which is increasingly rare for her.
But then, I guess we all need some downtime to recover after the holidays.
Earlier last week, I saw on the forecast that we might get some snow on Christmas Day. I thought that sounded fun, even though I’m not a huge fan of snow. I mean, it’s lovely if you can sit inside where it’s warm and cozy, and watch the snow falling outside of your window. I just hate driving in it.
Then when Christmas Day rolled around, the news was making it sound like the snow was coming any second, and we’d be under 6 to 10 inches of snow. SNOOOOOWWW!!!! (You know, local news. Very doomsday scenario.) We shrugged it off. It started snowing around 9 p.m. on Christmas night. It wasn’t much, and since it had been raining earlier, we weren’t sure how much would stick.
My dad has never had a white Christmas in his 74 years on this earth, so we told him this was his year. Five minutes before midnight, he went outside to catch a few flakes, just so he could say that he’d touched Christmas snow. Then we went to bed.
We woke up the next day to…. SNOW!! Like, a surprising amount, considering these branches were bare when we went to bed the previous night.
Yeah. That’s a lot of snow.
I expected Catie to freak out and hate it, based on her reaction to our much smaller snow earlier this month, in which she slipped and fell, then cried, “I’m cold and wet and I need new paaaaants!!!” But she surprised me yet again, because she loved it.
She takes after her Daddy after all. They both seem relatively immune to cold temperatures. I don’t get it at all. I couldn’t wait to get back inside in my lovely central heating.
But there’s some of me in her too, because after a while, she came inside and said, “I’m done. I want to take a shower now.” I totally get what she means.
Hope you all are having as nice a Christmas as we are.
This was taken a few days ago, before my parents arrived and my mom gave Catie a much-overdue haircut.
This is how she looked AFTER the haircut. Minus the grumpy face. Most of the time. Although, honestly? She looks like I feel most days. Complete annoyance with everything.
Well, except I usually don’t drink out of a sippy cup. Or wear hot pink boots and mismatched leopard prints. But I figure she can get away with that at 3. On a 34 year-old pregnant lady, it would look… odd.
We cooked a ton of food. We went to Christmas Eve church service. We put food for Santa’s reindeer on the front lawn.
(The reindeer also had to have a plate of baby carrots and a big bowl of water inside the house. In case they were still hungry. Of course.)
And today we opened presents.
Catie got the main present that she’s been asking Santa Claus for, ever since she saw it in a store a couple of months ago. “A white horsey in a purse.” She could not be happier.
As for the rest of us? Christmas is the day that we all stay in our jammies all day, and everybody gets at least one nap. That pretty much makes it the greatest holiday ever in my book.
Last month, my cousin Cat told me about the Santa Train at the NC Museum of Life and Science. She thought it’d be a fun activity for us to take our kids to, and since we lovethe museum [fun fact: because I mentioned them, they linked to that 2nd post on their home page for like WEEKS. Which would be fine, except, uh, notice the title of the post if you happen to click the link. Mortifying!], we thought that sounded great.
Cat set it up, we had tickets for this past Friday the 17th at 6:20. Awesome. Sure, the tickets were a little pricey, but hey, we’re making IMPORTANT HOLIDAY MEMORIES for our kids, so it’s totally worth it, right?
Things that went wrong:
* Both Cat and her baby Austin came down with some sort of fever/virus on Friday. That left just Tony and Elizabeth for the museum outing. Ok then! It’s a bummer that they’ll miss it, but we can deal!
* Since Dave was working from home on Friday, I asked him to pick up Catie from daycare and meet me at the office (since our office is in Durham, so it’s closer to the museum). Easy, right?
* The security keypad at the daycare center broke, and all the kids and teachers were in the back of the center, so Dave and a bunch of other parents were banging on the door for a good 15 minutes before anyone heard them and let them in. Small delay, no biggie!
* Dave misinterpreted what I said, and thought that we were supposed to meet up with my cousin at 6:20, not that our train is leaving at 6:20. Umm…
* Turns out the Life and Science Museum is on the other side of Durham from my office, so it took us close to 30 minutes to drive there. Crap.
I started telling Catie in the car that it looked like we might miss our train, but we’d figure out something else fun to do! Right? No big deal! Catie seemed ok, but since she’d been talking about the Santa Train for days, I had a feeling this was not going to end well.
We got there and explained at the gate that we missed our train (by like, 10 minutes – we were LATE). The lady gave us our tickets and said that even though the Santa Train was sold out, it was possible that they might be able to squeeze us onto a later train, so we should go try.
We got to the train station just as Tony and Elizabeth were de-boarding the 6:20 train. We told Catie we’d try to get on the next train at 6:40. Tony and Elizabeth went off in search of hot cocoa and the arts & crafts table.
The 6:40 train was full. So was the 7:00 train. And for the record, the look on a child’s face when they’re holding a train ticket in their tiny mittened hand and they’re told that sorry, the train is full and they can’t go? Might be the most heart-breaking thing I’ve ever seen.
Catie started to cry. I said to Dave, “God, we suck. You know we’re gonna have to buy a T-O-Y to get out of this one.” He agreed.
To calm Catie down, I told her that we were going to leave the museum and go to Target (I needed groceries anyway, so two birds…), and that we’d get her a toy. And hey, that’s way more fun than a silly ol’ train, right? She calmed down when I said the magic word “toy,” and she seemed ok with it.
We had checked out the other stuff at the Santa Train – they had face painting (which Catie refused to try), an arts & crafts table (Catie refused that one too), and a station where you could make “reindeer food” out of oatmeal and sprinkles (that was a big hit with her) – then we decided to head out.
I noticed it was almost 7:20, so I suggested that we try one last train before we left. SUCCESS! They managed to squeeze us onto the train at the very last minute. Hooray!
And oh, it was so cool. We’ve taken this train around the museum plenty of times in the past, but always in the daytime, and never at Christmas. The conductor told the kids we were taking the train to the North Pole, and then we stopped in the middle of the woods, right in front of a little cottage where Santa happened to be waiting to greet all the kids. He came by to ask each kid what they wanted. Catie was scared of Santa and buried her face, but later she panicked when she figured out that the kids were supposed to tell Santa what they want for Christmas. I told her not to worry, because I had already texted Santa, so he knew what she wanted.
Then a guy in an elf costume came by to pass out candy canes. Catie was a little scared of him too, but he told each kid that Rudolph had disappeared into the woods somewhere, so could they please look for him and tell him to go home if they saw him. The Rudolph story got Catie to look up from my shoulder, and she nodded very solemnly when he asked her if she could help look for Rudolph.
The train set off again, and the conductor told the kids to look out in the woods for Rudolph’s red nose. A couple of minutes later, sure enough, there was a red light floating around in the woods. All the kids screamed for Rudolph to go home, and the light started floating back in the direction of Santa Claus’s cottage. Honestly, I have no idea how they rigged that. I guess the light is on a wire or something, but every single kid on that train was convinced that it really was Rudolph out in those dark woods.
It was one of those amazing moments where you realize how magical Christmas is for little kids. And it was awesome. I almost cried.
(I didn’t take a single picture while we were at the Santa Train because apparently the cold froze my brain. So just pretend that this is an appropriate way to end this entry. Snow bunny, indeed.)
