in which I whine about being groggy

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I slept horribly last night, and I have no idea why. I went to bed at a reasonable time, but I couldn’t fall asleep for ages and I woke up what felt like every hour. Consequently, this post may make no sense, and if so, I apologize. So anyway, today has been pretty miserable for me, struggling to stay awake at my desk. Thank god for the free diet coke. (And yes, I’m still drinking lots of water too. Don’t fear for my kidneys. Yet.)

Yesterday was the trial run for my hair and make-up. I loved the hairstyle, I thought it was gorgeous – although I counted the number of bobby pins when I took it down, and folks, it took 66 bobby pins to get my hair that gorgeous. That’s a terrifying thought. As for the make-up, that was good too, except that I had to keep telling the girl to put more on. Maybe it’s because I came in with no make-up on, and she didn’t want to overwhelm me, but I kept explaining that I am a southern girl and we do big hair and big make-up. She eventually got my eyes done the way that I wanted, but I’m going to have to do my own mascara, because she just didn’t get them nearly as big and curly as I wear them on a daily basis. (Even Dave said “yeah, you need more eyelashes” when I got home – and he normally doesn’t notice that type of thing, so I took that as a definite sign that I should do my own mascara.) I understand that a lot of brides want to look subtle and demure, but dammit, I am not one of those brides. I love make-up, I may very well have been a drag queen in a previous life, and generally my rule is the more the better. Glam me up! However, there is a limit – I didn’t like the lip line that she did because I thought she made my lips look too big. I usually keep my lipstick just on the inside of my lip line, and she filled it out all the way to the edges, so I felt very Angelina Jolie. Dave liked it, but it made me feel weirdly self-conscious (like my face was all lips), so I think I’m going to tell her to ease up on the full & pouty thing next time.

In other news, my mom called me at work today to ask me if it’s ok if she gets a French manicure for my wedding. As if I might have some strong moral objection to or deep-seated hatred of French manicures (or as Angie once called them, Freedom manicures). What the hell?? I think people are worrying that I’m going to be the super-sensitive control-freak bride, and folks, that’s just not true. Ask my bridesmaids, I let them pick out their own dresses! Seriously! I am the Super Relaxed and Cool Bride! I promise! Ok, maybe not, but I’m really not that nitpicky about little details. Like the color of my mother’s fingernails. For god’s sake, do some brides actually get worked up about that? I appreciate the fact that people are trying to be respectful, but the eggshell-walking is really not necessary. Sheesh.

Oh yeah, 13 days to go! Woo-hoo!!

heaven

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Has anyone tried these? I just had one out of the vending machine at work, and dear god, I believe I have found the promised land. Rice Krispies, marshmallow AND chocolate in one delicious, cellophane-wrapped package? Are you kidding me? Ah, bliss…

That’s all. Happy Friday.

another boring wedding update which probably only the girls will read

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Dave and I met our minister for the wedding on Tuesday night, and we both really liked her. She’s very warm and funny, and we felt very comfortable with her. She has a lot of different options for customizing our ceremony, so we can make it feel like us – and even though Dave and I are probably going to stick with the mostly-traditional vows, I like the idea that we have options. In any case, the ceremony won’t be too preachy – a few spiritual/higher power references, but no sermons about accepting Jesus or anything like that. (For any of you who care, I do consider myself a Christian, but I also don’t consider that to be something that I need to broadcast to the entire world.) She gave us homework – Dave and I have to write a “mission statement” for our marriage, which should prove to be interesting.

Then last night, I went to meet with our photographer – it was Dave’s only night off this week because he has a lot of work stuff going on in the evenings, so I went by myself. [Side note to Sally: I don’t think Dave is allergic to the photographer, but I’m going to keep a close eye on him just in case.] [Side note to Angie: She looks nothing like the pinched-sourpuss Starr on “Project Runway”. She’s got blonde curly hair and a great smile. They couldn’t look more different, for having the same name.] That was fun, I really adore her photos and she thought I was 24, so obviously I love her.

Tonight, after I leave work, I’m going to get a massage. Hooray! I can’t wait. I called at least half a dozen places, trying to find one that could fit me in on this particular evening, because it’s the only free time that I have, since Dave has some dinner meeting thing tonight. The place that could fit me in had only a male massage therapist available. In the past, I’ve never really been comfortable with that idea because I have a truckload (or 3) of body image issues and a petrifying fear of negative judgment from, well, everyone, but men in particular. Right now, though, I am so exhausted from waking up a hundred times every night with my back aching that I just don’t care. If some man who I’ve never met before (and who I may never see again) realizes that I’m flat-chested and that I have cellulite on my thighs, big freakin’ whoop. It’s not the end of the world. Because guess what? There’s a fantastic guy out there who loves my pancake boobies and my jiggle butt, and he’s marrying me in 17 days. So there, body image issues. Nyah.

I'm a little ray of sunshine

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Since I’ve been doing an awful lot of blog-whining lately, I thought I would do a happy post today.

1) I woke up in the middle of the night, somehow convinced that I had overslept, and I bolted up out of bed. I looked at the clock, and saw that it was 2 a.m. Getting to dive back under the covers when you realize that you have 4 more hours of sleep is one of the most delicious feelings in the world. I should try to wake myself up at 2 a.m. every night so I can keep doing that.

2) We’re meeting with our minister tonight, Reverend Mary. Should be fun.

3) Since we signed the loan, I’m finally getting to make all the phone calls about all the house repairs that I’ve been wanting to do for ages – and which we haven’t been able to schedule because our finances were so uncertain. Today we have a guy coming out to give us a quote on putting in a driveway. Bye-bye, pothole-ridden gravel! And I want a cute little pathway/sidewalk that leads around the side of the house to the new deck, too! Next on the list are the exterminators to take care of our wasp problem – there are tons of nests under the eaves of the house, and one on the garage that is literally the size of my head. Third, we have to call a junk-hauling service for all of the work we’ve done on the house so far – we have pulled-up carpets to get rid of, a broken washer & dryer, all kinds of garbage. And finally, we’re going to have an electrician install lighting on our new, enormous deck. Fun stuff. I know it sounds weird, but I’m actually really excited to get these last few details ironed out. It’s all about making the house feel like a home, you know? So this is very happy stuff for me.

4) I am SO getting a massage this week. I left a message at a “healing arts” place near our house, I’m just waiting for them to call me back so I can book the appointment. I can’t wait.

done!

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We signed our loan yesterday. Finally. In only 7-10 business days, we will have the money that we need to pay for the wedding, house repairs, and then some. Glory, glory hallelujah, it’s over.

Now if someone would please just explain to my body that it’s time for the headache to go away and for my shoulders to un-knot… (Yes, I know, I will keep exercising, I promise.)

We signed. I still can’t believe it. Happy sigh.

It's not a tu-mah

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I still have a monster headache, but things may be showing slight signs of improving. For one, I found wedding shoes! And they’re pretty, too! I ordered about 5 pairs from Zappos, and I was thrilled to discover that one pair actually fits, feels comfy, and matches the dress. Hooray! And I’m excited that Zappos has free shipping and returns, so the other 4 pairs of cute-but-rejected shoes are already safely on their way back to the Zappos warehouse, free of charge. Very nice. I also found jewelry to go with the dress, but unfortunately I can’t find a link for that. Oh well, you’ll see it when I post the wedding photos.

On Tuesday, Dave and I were supposed to go meet with our wedding photographer, and Dave had said that he didn’t want to go because he wasn’t feeling well. I went into shrieking harpy bride mode, i.e., “You have to come with me, I can’t be expected to make all of these decisions by myself!!” So he got in the car. We got about 2 miles from the house when I had to pull over to let him throw up. Oops. Apparently he really wasn’t feeling well. So we turned around and went home (with me feeling horrible for dragging him out of the house when he was sick), and we’re going to reschedule with the photographer next week. No biggie. I’m still not sure what was wrong with him, but he appears to be ok now.

In other news, there is now the tiniest, faintest sign of a dim little light at the end of this loan tunnel, but both Dave and I have become far too jaded and disillusioned with the whole process to really get our hopes up at this point. But hey, keep your fingers crossed for us out there.

Not much else is going on in our little world. We’re both still worrying a lot, but at least things are starting to look somewhat manageable. Only 3-1/2 weeks until the Big Day!

is it over yet?

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I am stressed. Really stressed. This whole loan thing is making me crazy. I won’t get into the details because it’s probably boring to people who aren’t directly affected by it, but let’s just say that it reminds me of a quote from one of my college buddies: “Money is like toilet paper. It only matters when you don’t have any.” And right now, folks, we are fresh out of t.p., and it is a BIG, BIG deal. So let’s sum up how I’m coping with this:

1. I’ve had a headache nearly every day for the past 2 weeks.
2. I’m taking over-the-counter sleep aids to get to sleep at night, otherwise I lie awake, twitching and worrying.
3. Since I’m sleeping pretty horribly lately, on Friday night I came home from work and immediately crawled into bed. It was around 5:00. I told Dave to wake me up after an hour, but he didn’t. I woke myself up around 8:30 p.m. I had dinner, went back to bed, and slept until 11:00 a.m. on Saturday.
4. I spent most of the day Saturday cleaning, which is how I often deal with stress. There’s something that happens to me when I feel like my life is out of my control, so I start taking charge of the things I can control – namely, how clean my kitchen is. I ended up cleaning the entire downstairs. It felt pretty good to get that done, too.
5. I spent all day Sunday in bed. Call it hiding, I guess. Dave stayed there with me. He played video games on his laptop, I watched movies. I went downstairs long enough to do one load of laundry, but otherwise, we stayed in our room. I even brought our dinner (re-heated pizza – yow, what a gourmet chef I am!) upstairs on a tray for us to eat in bed. Crazy.

Then last night, I got home from work, and I was so frazzled that I felt like I could explode at any minute. Every nerve ending was on edge. So I grabbed my iPod and I went for a walk. And it was strange – just that 30 minutes of alone time (just me & my “workout tunes” playlist), and I felt so much calmer when I got home. No more headache. Go figure. Maybe it was because I stopped to pet the neighbor’s goats, and they always make me smile because they’re so darn cute, and I love that little “neeeeh” sound they make when they see me approaching. Maybe it’s because Madonna’s Ray of Light album has a calming influence on me. More than likely, I think it’s just a sign that I need to get more exercise. So I’m going to try to work on that.