I was debating whether or not to talk about this here, and I decided that not talking about it makes it seem like something I’m ashamed of, so here goes.

I think it’s kind of public knowledge at this point, but I had gastric bypass surgery over ten years ago. (Btw, if you go look at that entry, all of the picture links are broken and I’m not sure where the original files are to try to fix them. I’ll work on that someday.)

I lost about 100 pounds from surgery. It absolutely changed my life and I don’t regret it for one second. But in the past 10 years, I’ve had two pregnancies and a relatively traumatic divorce (hello, several months of post-partum depression/anxiety combined with eating my feelings!). As of today, I’ve regained a little over 30 of the 100 pounds that I lost. I reached a number on the scale that made me panic. I think we all have THAT number in our heads, and it varies for each person, but it’s your own personal “HOLY CRAP!” number. In my case, that panic led me to set up an appointment with a bariatric surgeon.

They ran a lot of tests on me, and found that the space between my pouch (surgically-reduced stomach) and my small intestine has expanded. So, basically, when I eat, everything empties out of my stomach immediately, which is why I’m constantly hungry. And constantly eating. Bad cycle.

So, I could theoretically have what they call a “revision” of my surgery – where they go back in and reduce everything back down to its original post-surgery size. And I’m pretty sure my insurance would cover it. But that also means, you know, HAVING SURGERY. Which was not a big deal when I was 26 and single. But at this point, with two kids who need me to be on my game around the clock, the whole idea of “recovery time” makes it seem like an impossible thing to even consider.

The surgeon I met with suggested that I try a liquid diet for a week. The idea is to sort of hit a “reset” button on my appetite, and to try to kick-start my metabolism. I knew I couldn’t do that over Thanksgiving, so I started it today.

I have no idea what the outcome will be from this, and I’m terrified of failing, but I’m giving it a shot.

So, you know, if I seem a whole lot grumpier and more sensitive than normal for the next week? Well, now you’ll know why.