Ok, I know every mom in the world has a list of things that they never knew about themselves before their babies were born. Here’s mine:

1. I can, in fact, push another human being out of my body and not die.

2. I will wipe boogers off of my baby’s nose without even flinching. In fact, the first time I did it was when I realized that I really am a mother because I didn’t hesitate or gag or anything.

3. Another person’s bowel movements will occupy way more of my brain space than I ever thought possible.

Which is why I am currently freaking out, because certain little babies in my house have not pooped since Friday. This means we are on Day 5 of No Poops. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I’m feeding her fruit like there’s no tomorrow (even pureed prunes!), I’ve added a little sugar to her bottles of formula, and nothing. It’s getting to the point where she cries every time she toots because she’s in pain.

I talked to the pediatrician’s office this morning (who I keep referring to as the vet, because I am insane), and they gave me a couple of options. The first involved the words – disguised for Google freaks – “an@l mass@ge.” Which, can I just say, yikes. The second involves a product called BabyLax. Sort of like a teeny-tiny enema. I’m sure that’s going to be fun for everyone involved.

Wish me luck, because Cate is supposed to go to daycare tomorrow, but I can’t possibly leave her there if she’s still in her current state.

P.S. Since this whole post has been all about my baby’s hind parts, I would also like to add that Costco generic diapers are the work of the devil. They leak and they don’t pull the moisture away from her, so she has diaper rash for the first time in her life. Unfortunately, I still have well over 100 of them left in the box. I’m thinking I might call it a loss, drop them off at a women’s shelter or something, and go back to name brand diapers. [/end indignant consumer rant]