how you found me

Ok, I am totally loving WordPress and all of its cool little themes, and I think I’m sticking with this daisy thing for a while. And I’ve realized that during the process of going through all of my old blog posts and putting them into categories (see? I have categories now! Blogger didn’t have categories! How cool is that?) that I have an awful lot of links that don’t work. I really ought to fix those, and maybe I’ll get around to it someday. Like, when I’m not busy procrastinating about other things.

Anyway, with all of the updates happening on my blog this week, I thought I’d check my website statistics, which I try to do every so often. I noticed that my site has gotten a few hits this week from someone looking for my sister’s name, which I thought was sort of odd. Then I remembered that she has a first date tonight. I told her she should find out if her date has been e-stalking her, and apparently he has. So um, hi, my sister’s date! I don’t think you’ll find anything incriminating here (or anywhere, for that matter – she’s pretty good at covering her tracks), but if you want to read something nice about her, here you go.

As for other really weird phrases that brought people to my blog, I bring you now the top 10 list of my personal favorites:

1) itchy red bumps on chest
See?!?!! I KNEW it!! And even worse still…

2) bumps on my lower neck hairline that itch
Dude, seriously? I cannot help you. Get yourself to a dermatologist. Stat.

3) fast times at ridgemont high phoebe cates song when she gets out of the water song
Now, don’t even get me started on this guy’s syntax, or the fact that he uses “song” twice in his search phrase. And I tried to look this up myself, but honestly, I’ve seen the movie all the way from beginning to end a grand total of maybe once, so I have no idea what song is playing during that scene.

4) roaming gnome complaints
For people who really don’t like Travel0city commercials?

5) are dog ate neosporin pain relief
I think this person means “our”, not “are”. Although the spelling makes me think of a certain co-worker of Sally’s who shall remain nameless. Regardless, I think a phone call to your vet, or maybe even poison control, might be in order here.

6) vanna white

7) large teenie butts
This cracks me up, seeing as how the words large and teenie seem somewhat contradictory. And also because my cat Teenie has a rather large posterior herself. Which she loves to have scratched. Often. Actually, it seems as though lots of people who are clearly looking for porn put the word “teenie” in their search phrase. I have no idea why, and I’d honestly prefer to not think about it too long.

8) exploding sheep pictures
The hell? There are some seriously twisted people out there.

9) spilled eyebrow wax

10) nerdy southern geeks
Welcome to my website, friend.

6 thoughts on “how you found me

  1. HAHA! That is hilarious! Gotta love the random stuff people search for on the internet. Oh internet…how you have changed our lives!

  2. There was no need to defend yourself, I thought it was funny. And for the record, you got good reviews.

  3. Large teenie butts! Mwah haaah haahhh!

    Why do I get the yucky feeling that this person was looking for under-18 girls with large behinds? Um, ewww.

  4. Yeah, Dave pointed out that teenie probably means teenager in porn terms. He immediately had to qualify it with a "not that I've ever looked for that kind of stuff or anything…" I was more shocked that I hadn't thought of it first. But yeah. Ewww.

  5. I love the new theme–WordPress is rocking it.

    I checked my stats the other day, and the #1 term that got people to catoptric was “ashly delgrosso.” The fourth was “penis.”

  6. Ah, so this paints me in a nice light. I figured I must comment in my defense.

    So last week T and I are talking and she comments on how she e-stalked me a while ago…. and I’m all like, “Really??” And she’s nonchalant about it. (Incidentally, I think it’s funny how if guys do it we’re stalkers, but if chicks do it… well, it’s cute. And I’m fine with that.)

    So I immediately go to Google b/c she already knows more about me than I do about her and I google her while thinking to myself, “I’ve had a crush on this girl for a while — why have I never thought of doing this (e-stalking)?”

    Among the links is one to poobou which, obviously, I went to, but I saw it was a Cindy B in the Northwest, so I kind of left it alone, thinking it wasn’t connected. Then somewhere along the way T tells me her sister’s name is Cindy and lives in Seattle. Somewhere there’s a ping in my brain (some would say any brain activity is noteworthy).

    So then Friday night she tells me that you told her that someone is searching on her. So my next move, to be a comedian, was going to be to do google searches with phrases like “stalking Tracy B via Cindy B” or “Cindy B comments on poobou and this is the guy stalking her sister, Tracy” and other such amusing phrases so you knew I knew….. but then you went and posted what you did and stole my thunder.

    So, yeah, I’m that guy.

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