(One of Catie’s favorite lines from the movie “Tangled” is Rapunzel swinging around a tree, yelling, “Best! Day! EVER!” She repeats that a lot. Hence the post title.)
Why I love this particular Friday the 13th, superstitions be damned:
1. Catie got dressed and left for daycare without any fights this morning. Hey, it’s the little things.
2. Beaumont is currently at the vet getting shaved. (Insert your own shaved p***y jokes here.) We have to do this every summer because his fur is so long and it gets all matted and nasty. And yes, he looks ridiculous afterward:
(Exhibit A: his first haircut, 2 years ago.)
But he’s also a lot happier. And since he is currently in “Guard the Pregnant Lady” Mode and is all over me constantly, I’ll also be a lot happier when there’s less fur on him. Hopefully it means I’ll stop having the recurring nightmare about being attacked by a bear, when I wake up and realize that it’s because I’ve got a ridiculously furry cat sleeping up against my face, suffocating me.
3. The housekeepers are coming today! I always feel a little weird mentioning that we have housekeepers, because it feels so… I don’t know. Snobby? Elitist? I get oddly defensive about it. But you know what? Whatever. For the mental health benefit alone, I consider it to be a totally worthwhile expense.
Oh, also? Knowing that the house will be all sparkly and clean should I happen to go into labor in the immediate future? HUGE load off my mind. You can’t even imagine.
4. I’m getting a massage this afternoon. All of y’all who’ve had babies know how late pregnancy can make you ache all over. My back and shoulders are currently a disaster zone of knots and pains. Then Catie’s daycare teacher Mandy informed me that a new massage therapist opened up shop in the building next to the daycare, and she had left a stack of coupons for them to pass out to the parents. When I checked it out, saw that this lady is certified to do prenatal massage, and that the coupon was for 50% off her normal hourly rate? Hell yes, I booked that sucker. I cannot wait.
5. It’s Clean Sheet Day. Between the massage and the fresh sheets on the bed, I’m already looking forward to bedtime tonight. It’s gonna be so good, y’all.
6. Our sixth wedding anniversary is on Sunday, the 15th. Awww.
I saw a therapist for the first time today. Well, not the first time ever, I did some therapy years ago, but this was my first session with this particular therapist. There are a lot of reasons behind this, most of which I don’t really want to get into on the blog, because I’m really just not the “bare your soul online” type of blogger.
(NOTE: I have absolutely nothing against the “bare your soul” bloggers. I read the hell out of their sites and I fully appreciate what they do. That’s just not me. This blog is totally not anonymous at all, and there are some things I prefer to keep private.)
At some point during this session, she asked me what I do for “me time,” to unwind and recharge. And I was stumped.
So she rephrased it, “Well, what kinds of things do you enjoy, that you’d like to do more of?”
Ummm.
Huh.
I have no idea.
It reminded me of something that Dave said once, which was basically that while I’m a great mom, I never stop being a mom.
I guess I never really thought about it that way before. Apparently at some point in the last four years, I’ve become so entrenched in Mommy Mode that I seem to have lost… me.
Basically, this is my life:
* Mornings: Get up, get dressed, get Catie dressed, get her off to daycare and myself to work.
* Daytime: work. (And I’m NOT complaining, because I do really love my job.)
* Evenings: get us all fed, do the bedtime ritual and allow Catie to stall about going to sleep for literally hours because I feel guilty for not seeing her all day. Then when she finally falls asleep, sometimes I stay up long enough to watch a TV show or talk to my mom on the phone, and other times I just crash for the night.
* Weekends: Dave and I clean the house, do the grocery shopping, and try to get us prepared for the week ahead. And squeeze in some type of fun outing for Catie if we can find the time.
That’s not to say I never have fun or that I’m depressed, because I do have fun and I don’t really feel depressed at all. (Well, I did after the therapy session, but I’m talking in general.) Four year-olds are freaking hilarious and I absolutely love that I get to hang out with this amazing little person and watch her as she develops. The vast majority of the time, I think being a mom is awesome. Of course, she has her tantrums and her moments of testing boundaries, and I get exasperated and cranky, just like all moms do.
For the most part, though, I consider myself to be relatively happy. I have a great job, a beautiful house, I love my kid, I have another (apparently healthy, knock on wood) baby on the way, I’m married to a really great guy, my whole family is awesome. What’s to complain about?
But there’s something missing here. The fact is, I don’t really ever take time for myself to just do my own thing. Sure, I might tell Dave to keep Catie downstairs for 20 minutes so I can take a shower in silence. Or I might go to the grocery store alone. But that’s it, really.
Just about everyone I know has a hobby, some sort of outlet. Dave goes hiking. My mom loves to sew. My dad plays golf. How come it took a paid professional for me to notice that I basically failed to develop any outside interests of my own? Is this whole “I don’t have any sense of self” issue something that all moms of young children experience? I’m guessing that surely my experience is not unique here.
But the bigger question is looming: how do I fix it when I don’t have a clue what types of things I would like to do, given the opportunity?
How do you find yourself, when you didn’t even know you were lost?
I’ve been seeing a lot of my friends post these, and I remembered that I’ve done it a couple of yearsmyself. So, here we go again.
1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I tried out a job as an IT recruiter. It didn’t go well, and I quit in September.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I do not believe in New Year’s resolutions. But I’ll make one this year: sometime in late spring/early summer, I plan to deliver a happy, healthy, preferably human baby. Let’s see how it goes!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A friend who I’ve known since I was about 7 years old had a baby girl (not sure if she reads this, but hi Allison!). And about a million Internet friends had babies. (Another million of us all got pregnant this year.)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. Although technically, my uncle was dead for several minutes after a major heart attack, but thank God, he came back to us and seems to be doing really well.
5. What countries did you visit?
Stayed in the US. Hell, I didn’t even make it west of the Mississippi River this year. Lame.
6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
Same answer as last year: financial stability. We’re working toward that, slooooowly.
7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
January 27th – My baby girl turned 3 years old.
September 22nd – Found out I was pregnant with baby #2.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Besides getting pregnant? I really, really, really wanted a specific job, and I got it.
9. What was your biggest failure?
I was not as kind or patient as I should be with the people I love the most. They deserve my best, and I catch myself phoning it in way too often.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Besides scarring my elbow forever, and a few rounds of sinus-related gunk, no.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
I just blanked on major purchases this year. Dave tends to be the Head Gadget Buyer in our house, and I can’t really think of anything I bought myself. Um, I got a new iPhone after mine was lost/stolen at BlogHer? I guess that counts?
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
Catie’s, for showing me how to conquer my fears by overcoming her own, on a regular basis.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Besides celebrities and politicians? Maybe some distant family members who I probably should not be Facebook friends with, but overall? I think everyone is doing ok.
14. Where did most of your money go?
House. Debts. Daycare. The usual.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Babies! My own, of course, plus all of my friends who had babies or who got pregnant this year.
Also, at the risk of sounding like a total dork, my job. I really love it.
16. What song will always remind you of 2010?
A lot of songs by Lady Gaga and the Blackeyed Peas, because I listened to it non-stop when I was working out. And also because Catie learned the words to some of them, and there is nothing funnier than a three year-old singing “Bad Romance.”
17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? Pregnant ladies probably shouldn’t answer this question, as the answer is subject to change on a minute-by-minute basis. Let’s just say the same. b) thinner or fatter? Ha! Definitely fatter. c) richer or poorer? I think our financial situation is actually less bleak than last year, so, I guess richer?
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Outings with my family.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Yelling.
20. How did you spend Christmas?
We stayed in our pajamas most of the day, watched movies, and ate a ton of food. It was heaven.
21. Did you fall in love in 2010?
Already in love. Stayed there.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
LOST. And I’m still sad about it ending. Other contenders: Project Runway, Big Love, Hoarders.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Nah. I try not to hold on to grudges as a rule.
24. What was the best book you read?
I started several books and didn’t finish a single one. So I’m going to say “The Help,” because I finally finished it this year, and it was a damn fine read.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
I’m currently obsessed with Crowded House, but since everything I’m listening to is well over ten years old, I don’t think that counts.
I also can’t stop playing this guitar piece that Dave shared on Facebook recently.
Catie loves it too. She said she’s going to learn how to play that when she’s a grown-up, and immediately asked me to play it again when it was over. She watched it carefully, and said, “I think this is a song for the baby Jeegus.” I get what she means, it sounds reverential and almost like something you’d hear in church. I just love her way of phrasing things.
26. What did you want and get by year’s end?
Pregnant.
27. What did you want and not get by year’s end?
A million dollars.
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
Inception.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 34, and we went out to dinner. Dave got me a couple of really good gifts, as he always does.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
If my parents had been able to sell their house and move to North Carolina. Fingers crossed that it’ll happen before baby #2 arrives!
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Jeans and sneakers. Currently wearing maternity clothes from 2006 that are way too small on me. It’s totally adorable, trust me. (Ha!)
32. What kept you sane?
All of the weekend mornings when Dave would get up with Catie and take her out so I could sleep late. He’s a keeper, that one.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Same answer as last year. George Clooney, and Josh Holloway from LOST (if you don’t know who he is, do a Google image search. You’re welcome).
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
I spent way too much time and energy way too fired up about too many things.
35. Who did you miss?
My mom. I wish she lived closer. Hopefully soon!
36. Who was the best new person you met?
After BlogHer, there are far too many to list.
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
I need to focus more positive attention on the people I love, and make sure they always know exactly how important they are to me.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
“I could get carried away,
but not anymore.
What was it I heard you say?
You love me cuz I’m strong.
I hope that you’re not wrong.”
— “Hot Gets a Little Cold,” Cyndi Lauper
1. Working full-time is kicking my ass. Hence the lack of posting. It’s good, I like the job a lot, and the people I work with are all great. It’s just that transitions are hard. I’ll get into a groove with it one of these days.
2. I’m trying to decide if I’m going to blog about my job and explain what it is I’m doing now. I wouldn’t mention the company by name, and I have nothing bad to say about any of the people I work with, so it’s probably fine, I just tend to be a little paranoid about those types of things.
3. I’m still sick. I caught Catie’s last cold, and while she managed to recover completely in about three days, I’m going on two weeks and still feel like crud. It’s not cool. I mean, the excuse to take copious amounts of NyQuil is nice, but that’s really the only perk.
4. My ribs, which I hurt falling down the stairs nearly three weeks ago? Yeah, they still hurt. Combined with the cold, I’m kind of a big whiny mess.
5. It’s Thursday and I still haven’t watched Tuesday night’s LOST, because I’ve just been that busy. This is practically unheard of.
6. Dave needs a haircut because he’s starting to look like Hugh Jackman in Wolverine. I mean, not with the metal talons or psychotic gaze or anything. Just the ridiculous volume of hair. I’m hoping that by mentioning it on my blog, I’ll shame him into going to get a damn haircut already. (Hi, honey!)
7. New Catie tricks (which we can entirely attribute to daycare because lord knows I didn’t teach her this): she’s trying to wipe her own butt and she’s flushing the potty herself. I know this is like the most boring child development update ever (unless you’re my mom), but it’s a pretty big deal around here.
8. Here’s a picture of a cute happy toddler until I can figure out what else to write about that won’t bore y’all to tears.
Admittedly, I’m not a Buddhist, so maybe I’m not an expert on the exact definition of karma. But I believe in the basic principle that what comes around goes around. That if you try to put positive things out into the world, positive things will come back to you. Same is true for the negative.
About seven years ago, I had a job that required me to drive all over the greater Seattle area on a daily basis. I’d start my day at my company’s office in Redmond (a relatively posh suburb), then set off from there to whatever client’s office needed me. If I knew that my day’s agenda involved going through downtown Seattle, I knew there was a good chance that I’d pass a homeless person on the side of the road. I always felt guilty about just driving past them. Sometimes I’d give them a couple of quarters or whatever spare change I had in my car’s cup holder, but it never felt like enough. But with that job, I never carried cash on me (too risky), so what else could I do?
One day, when I heard I was going to be heading into Seattle, I stopped at the 7-11 next to my office to buy a Diet Coke before I set off. I decided to also grab a couple of other things – a sandwich and a bottle of water – to take with me. When I saw a frail old man standing at the end of the I-5 off-ramp with his cardboard sign, I rolled down my window and handed them to him.
Later that day, my boss called me into his office and gave me a raise. No lie. I was not expecting any sort of payoff that fast, but that’s how it worked for me. From that point on, I always stopped at 7-11 to get food for the homeless people I would pass, and those days always ended up being my best days. It became something of a habit for me.
In fact, I gave some sort of snack (I think it was just some peanut butter crackers that I happened to have in my laptop bag) to a homeless person on May 24, 2004. Later that evening, I had a first date with a cute British guy that had contacted me through match.com.
Yeah. That was Dave.
Now, is there some cosmic connection there, like would I have not met Dave (or would we not have “clicked” as much as we did) if I hadn’t given crackers to a homeless guy earlier that day? Probably not. Our date had been scheduled for a couple of days, I don’t think it had much to do with the homeless guy. But I like to think that the two things are related. That because I did a good deed, something good (in this case, Dave) came to me.
There are also times when I’ve tried to do something good for someone, and it’s backfired horribly. Either my motives were misinterpreted, or the person took advantage of my generosity and I was left feeling used and horrible. But for every one of those experiences, there are so many more where the rewards were a million times better than whatever my small gesture was.
I refuse to let the negative experiences make me cynical or jaded. I will not sacrifice my desire to help people who are truly in need, just because of a few “bad eggs.” If I honestly know that my motives are pure, then I have to believe that something good will result from it. Even if it takes me a while to see it, I have to believe that the positive is there, somewhere.
3. Oh, and while I’m linking videos, let’s really hope that this isn’t the house we’re buying. (Thanks, Angie. I love this one.)
4. Catie, who in the past couple of days:
4a. Has started trying to sing the alphabet song, and OMG I have to get a video of that, because it’s hilarious.
4b. Was really good at the gym’s nursery while I worked out yesterday, so as a reward we went to the pool afterward. We haven’t been to the YMCA’s pool yet this year, I forgot how nice it is. They have a “splash zone” which is basically just an area of fountains that shoot water out of the ground in various formations. Watching Catie run around sticking her hands and feet in the water was so much fun. (She never jumped into the fountains, she’s way too cautious for that. And she got pretty mad when she stuck her hand in one fountain and it splashed water in her eyes.)
4c. Bashed me in the face with the back of her head during a particularly overzealous toddler bounce and split my top lip open. When I told her that she hurt me, she wanted to kiss it to make it better, which was sweet, but my lip was gushing blood at the time, so, NO. I let her kiss my lip when I finally got the bleeding under control, and she said, “All better now?” I said, “Thank you, sweetie, but no, it still hurts.” She said, “No. It all better now.” Well, thanks for setting me straight then. Guess there’s no need for this ice pack I’m holding to my face.
4d. Got irritated with me for getting too interactive during our bedtime routine. We lie in her bed together and read books, and the Curious George alphabet book has a line about “C is for a crab with two clamping claws,” and I tried to do a crab claw and tickle her tummy. Usually she thinks that’s funny, but I guess she was particularly tired and grumpy on this night, because she pushed me away, sighed exasperatedly and said, “Mommy, go to bed.” Nice.
4e. Has started calling me “Mom” as well as “Mommy.” It’s cute because using “Mom” makes her sound like a grown-up, but I thought I’d be Mommy for a few more years. I’m not sure I like it so much.
4f. Sang “Do-Re-Mi” in the car this morning on the way to daycare. I didn’t realize that she knew all the words, but she does – complete with holding her hand to her chest during, “me, a name I call MYSELF.” It was so cute I almost cried.
That’s right: an iPhone and a Kindle. Both. I would never have dreamed of dropping that much money in one swoop, but it was Dave’s idea (he surprised me with the Kindle, then suggested we go get the iPhone), so who am I to object? They are both so cool, I can’t decide which I like better.
But seriously, I have to go see an eye doctor. The more I try to read these tiny little consoles, the more my right eye keeps going all wonky and blurry and then OH MY GOD, the headache. I love that the Kindle lets you make the text extra-large, or else I probably wouldn’t be able to use it for more than about ten minutes at a time. Trying to use Twitter on the iPhone, though, is killing me.
Other random stuff, in bullet form because I’m lazy:
* I finally got the pictures from Kris & Tony’s wedding uploaded.
(I know you read this site sometimes, so hi, Leslie! Love you!)
* We’re really enjoying having Mags here a few extra days. Her black eye is pretty impressive, but she’s otherwise feeling ok, so that’s good. I think there’s a slight family resemblance there, no?
And for the record, my mother-in-law is a bad-ass, because I don’t think she’s taken so much as an ibuprofen for her concussion, and she still stood on her feet to make us a shepherd’s pie the day after her accident. She is one hardcore Brit.
