single vs solo parenting vs OMG shut it already

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This thing came up online a couple of days ago and it’s been gnawing at me ever since.

So, my friend Katie – do y’all know Katie? Because you should, she’s awesome – she had a baby recently. And then her husband went out of town for a week and she was on her own with the baby for a week. And she wrote a post about how difficult it was.

And then a whole bunch of commenters showed up and basically blasted her for not having a clue how difficult it is to really be a single parent. They said she was a spoiled brat and a rich lazy housewife with an easy little life (none of which are things that are true if you know anything about Katie, but I digress).

Here’s the thing: I’m a single parent, and I read the article and found absolutely nothing offensive about it. But it’s another example of something that seems to be a very common phenomenon online, particularly among the parenting blogs, and it drives me bonkers. Here’s the thing, y’all: IT’S NOT A COMPETITION.

Is life generally harder for me as a single parent compared to other moms with spouses? I don’t know. Probably, I guess.

Some of my married friends have husbands who are useless pieces of crap (sorry, truth) who do absolutely nothing to help out with the kids and who basically function as an extra (very large) child that they have to clean up after and take care of. I imagine their lives are probably WAY more frustrating than mine.

(Note: I’m not saying that’s true of all of my married friends. I know plenty of awesome husbands/dads too.)

Some of my single parent friends don’t have the support system around them that I’m very lucky to have. I imagine that’s got to be really hard too.

So Katie had a rough week. Why jump on her case for it? Taking care of a 4 month-old is HARD. I would so much rather deal with my toddler and 5 year-old together than one tiny newborn. (Another reason I’m definitely done having kids – I mean, besides the whole divorce thing – is that I’m pretty sure I would never survive another newborn baby. I love my kids to the moon and back, but I am SO GLAD to be past that stage.) She didn’t claim that she was a “single parent” because she took care of the baby by herself for a week, just that she could sympathize with single parents because she had a taste of what it’s like to do it on your own, and she saw how hard it is. Can someone tell me what’s offensive about that? Because I just don’t see it.

I don’t sit around thinking about who has it easier and who has it harder than me. Because it’s none of my business. And I prefer to just go ahead and live my life rather than thinking about what everybody else is doing.

And I think that if you DO sit around thinking about other people’s lives that much, maybe it’s time to turn off your computer and go find yourself a nice hobby. (I hear knitting can be very relaxing. Or maybe go pet a horse.) Because life is too short to sit around feeling all “woe is me” all the time. There’s no medal for winning the Adversity Olympics.

digging in the dirt

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I’ve been trying so hard lately to make the weekends our fun time. Call it a case of Working Mom Guilt, I guess. Labor Day weekend was a huge success, we had a blast all weekend.

This past weekend started off rough because I’m sick. I’ve had a sinus infection for over a week, and on Friday I woke up with pink eye. (Lawd, motherhood is so glamorous, y’all.) On Saturday I felt absolutely horrible, and the kids were so full of energy that they were practically bouncing off the walls. I took them both to a drop-in daycare near our house so they could play for a while, and then I went home and went back to sleep for 2 hours. It’s an expensive way to nap, but I was desperate.

(Normally I’d call my parents for help in a situation like that, but Mississippi State was playing a football game on Saturday, and if there’s one absolute rule in the universe, it’s that you don’t bother my dad when the Bulldogs are on TV.)

After I picked them up, we headed to my parents’ house (because the football game was over), and my dad kept Lucy busy, while my mom and Catie did some gardening together.

Catie & my mom gardening together

Catie the gardener. She & my mom planted chrysanthemums today.

I love that they have their special little thing that they do together. I can’t keep a plant alive to save my life, but Catie and my mom both love playing around in the dirt, so I guess it skips a generation.

Mimi's & Catie's feet stomping dirt

(If your kid asks you to take a picture of her foot and her Mimi’s foot while they stomp the dirt back in to the flower beds, you take the picture and don’t ask questions.)

On Sunday, I felt slightly better, and Catie has been asking for some one-on-one time with me, so I loaded up on DayQuil, dropped Lucy with my parents, and we headed to the North Carolina Museum of Life and Science.

ROAR! Catie is a dinosaur!

Cracking up at herself for roaring like a dinosaur in the previous picture

I think the high yesterday was about 79, it was so nice to be outside and not sweating for a change. The weather was perfect, and it was so fun to have a special Mommy and Catie Day Out.

Digging for fossils at the NC Museum of Life and Science

My kid clearly has a serious thing for digging in the dirt. She says she’s going to be a paleontologist when she grows up. She is such a wonderful, glorious little weirdo, and I had an absolute blast spending the day with her.

Catie & Mommy's day out at the NC Museum of Life & Science.

I know that with every age she reaches, I think, “Oooh, this! This is my favorite age yet!” But really, I think 5 year-olds are freaking awesome.

Some of the time that we were at the museum, I was thinking that I should’ve brought Lucy with us, because I know she would’ve liked a lot of it, but Lucy also gets worn out quickly, and there’s no way we could’ve stayed at the museum as long as we did if Lucy had come with us. We were there for well over 3 hours, which is WAY too much stimulation for a 15 month-old.

But I didn’t have to worry about Lucy. She had a blast hanging out with my parents. And apparently she decided that their bathtub is her new favorite place to play.

Lucy decided that my parents' tub is her new place to play

Wonderful, glorious little weirdos, both of them. And I couldn’t love them more.

bouncing babies

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I’ve been so exhausted lately (due to Lucy’s sleep issues, which is a subject for another post) that I haven’t had the energy to do fun stuff with the girls, so I was determined to make this holiday weekend fun for us.

On Saturday, we went to the pool, which was a lot of fun because my parents and brother came with us, and the girls had a blast. I didn’t take any pictures because, well, my iPhone isn’t waterproof and I barely ever got out of the water. (If it’s over 85 degrees and I’m outside, I better submerged in a cool body of water or else I’m gonna be CRANKY.)

Saturday night, we all had a break. Catie went to spend the night with my parents, Lucy spent the night with her favorite baby-sitter (and she didn’t have to share the sitter’s attention with Catie, so that was a HUGE win for Lucy), and I had a date with The Guy. I got a good night’s sleep for the first time in weeks, the girls had a blast, and everybody was happy.

Sunday, we were planning to go to the pool again, but there were thunderstorms, so that was ruled out. Instead, I decided to take the girls to a bounce house place called Monkey Joe’s. Catie loves it there, but this was the first time Lucy had ever been.

(Ok, not true, she was there for Catie’s birthday party, but she couldn’t even crawl then, much less walk, so she wasn’t allowed to bounce at all.)

When we first got there, she was clearly super-excited.

Lucy was so excited to get the bounce house

(Note to self: maybe plan the outings after naptime. Oops.)

After she woke up, we had to walk around to check everything out.

Lucy scoping out the bounce houses.

She was really unsure about the bounce houses at first, so I crawled into one with her and Catie. (Adults are only allowed in the bounce houses if they’re assisting kids, and I was definitely assisting.) She sat in my lap and clung to me for a while, but after a few minutes, she ventured out on her own & decided that it was pretty fun.

Lucy & me in the bounce house. The extra pair of legs there belong to Catie.
(The extra pair of legs there belong to Catie.)

I have no idea what Catie just said to me, but I love this picture so much.

After a few minutes, she was a pro. She was all over the place and I had to stop her from climbing up the really big slides a few times.

Lucy playing in the bounce houses

So, yeah. Bounce houses are basically the greatest thing in the world for both of my girls. And bonus: that much jumping wears them both out so they actually slept really well last night for a change.

(Random, but it’s worth noting that Catie was terrified of bounce houses until she was about 3 1/2. Just goes to show how much tougher second-born children are. She sees her big sister doing stuff, and she’s determined that she’s going to do it too.)

Of course, as soon as we got home, I immediately dunked them both in the tub because those places are crawling with germs. I actually saw Lucy licking one of the inflatables at one point, so if we aren’t all sick in about 24-48 hours, I’ll be stunned.

Now, to figure out what we’re going to do with our last day of the holiday weekend. Hmm…

on big wheels and toddler classes

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The family that lives next door to my parents’ house has two little girls that are close to Catie’s age (I think they’re 6 & 7). The parents are super friendly and easy to chat with, which I love. And the kids are so polite and sweet, and they always seem happy to have Catie around to play with, even though she’s younger than them, which I appreciate.

Catie & Lucy with Lexi & Arianna (neighbor friends

They had a tricycle/big wheel thing which they had outgrown, and they thought that my girls might like it. So they gave it to us, which was unexpected but just really nice and generous of them. Catie likes it even though she’s a little bit too tall for it, and Lucy loves it (her feet don’t reach the pedals yet, but I have a feeling it won’t be long until they do).

Lucy taking the big wheel for a test spin.

There’s no real point to that story, I just had these pictures of the girls and the big wheel, and I love that Catie has kids around that she can play with.

Catie & her friends

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Also this weekend: my sister was in town, which was nice because she’s basically the easiest house guest in the world. I don’t have to play hostess with her – she knows where everything is, she helps out with the kids (more Catie than Lucy, but that’s because Lucy is still a little unsure of her and Catie wants Tracy all to herself), and it’s just really fun to have her around.

Then after the kids are in bed, we crack ourselves up talking about random stuff like old Spanish ladies who botch restorations of paintings of Jesus and laugh until we cry. (If you click that 2nd link? I think the Mona Lisa & The Last Supper are my favorites.)

So it was nice to have her here. And since Catie was distraught after she left (because my sister is her favorite person on earth), I distracted her by taking her to a playdate at a friend’s house. Her friend just got a brand new (teeny-tiny, completely adorable) puppy, so that worked as a distraction.

Although now I’m waiting for Catie to start asking when she can get a puppy, which… no. No, no, no. Between two kids and a cat, I am maxed out on the amount of poop that I have to clean up every day. We will not be adding a dog to the mix anytime soon.

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And, about Lucy? Girlfriend is fully walking. Like, everywhere, all the time.

Anytime she sees her Pop-Pop, she takes off running to him.

She’s not entirely steady on her feet. You know how toddlers walk sort of like tiny drunks? Yeah, that. I’m pretty sure Lucy couldn’t pass a field sobriety test if she tried. But she’s walking, and that’s all that matters.

At daycare this morning, they decided that since she’s walking now, she’s ready to move up from the baby room to the toddler class. This was kind of a huge deal.

As the daycare director led her out of the room to go down the hall to the toddler class, I half-expected Lucy to look over her shoulder and yell, “Peace out, BABIES!” Instead she just waved and said, “Bah-bye.” But I knew what she really meant.

The strange part is that I feel like I should be sad about her moving up to the toddler class. Like it’s another loss of her babyhood, as she grows into her toddler years. But I’m not mourning the baby phase at all. Instead I feel like, “Whew, we survived that. Thank god. Next phase!”

Is that weird? I don’t know, I think I’m a better parent to kids that are mobile and have a firm grasp of the English language. They’re just easier for me to figure out.

Sisters sharing blueberries.

I really, really like my big kids. I can’t wait to see what they do next.

Durannie for Life

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Back in the early 80s, we didn’t have MTV, so instead we set our VCR to record a show called “Friday Night Videos” that came on NBC long after our bedtime. (I think it aired around 1 a.m.) On Saturday mornings, instead of cartoons, my sister and I would watch the previous night’s episode of “Friday Night Videos.”

That is how I very clearly remember seeing the video for “Hungry Like the Wolf” for the first time when I was about 7 years old. We watched it with our mouths hanging open. And after it was over, we rewound it and watched it again. And again.

We bought the albums (on cassette tape, naturally) soon after that. My sister and I would fight over them, so we each had to get our own copy. Rio, Seven and the Ragged Tiger, Arena… I still know the words to almost every song by heart.

My sister decided that she loved Simon LeBon. And we were not allowed to love the same guy in the band, so I had to pick someone else. I picked John Taylor, the bass player. I had a poster of him on my bedroom door.

Interestingly, my cousin Cat also loved John Taylor and had the exact same poster of him on her bedroom door. (We didn’t plan that, it just sort of happened that way.)

My love for them continued throughout the years. I’ve bought every album. Last year, I remember walking on the treadmill while listening to their latest album (All You Need is Now) while trying to make myself go into labor with Lucy. (It didn’t work, btw. She had to be forcibly evicted.)

Anyway, growing up in Mississippi, not a lot of great concerts stopped through town. Duran Duran never came to Jackson, which meant that I never got to see them live. And I somehow missed them whenever they came to town when I lived in other cities.

Until last night.

And OMG you guyyyyyyyyys.

Oh, hello boys.

(I’m going to go on record that I chose wisely with John Taylor, because the man is aging WELL.)

I was that obnoxious lady who never sat down and who jumped and danced and sang through every single song that they did. And I don’t care if other people thought I was obnoxious. I was SO DAMN HAPPY.

That look on my face? Yeah, I looked like that for the whole show.

The look on my face in that picture? That’s basically what I looked like the whole time. It was so awesome.

I’m glad I brought a ponytail holder with me, because I was a sweaty mess. My scale says that I’ve lost 3 pounds since yesterday, if that’s any indication of how many calories I burned last night. Clearly I need to just follow Duran Duran on tour for a couple of months and I’ll hit my goal weight in no time.

Seriously. Best concert of my life, hands-down. Totally worth waiting 29 (almost 30) years to see them.

Thanks for the show, guys. My soul needed that like you have no idea.