Category Archives: Funny

I am a packing machine.

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The move plans have gotten adjusted slightly. Originally I thought I’d take my time, slowly migrating stuff from my current place to my new place. Then Krissy pointed out that it sucks to feel like you’re living in 2 places at once, and that movers are a lot cheaper during the week than on the weekends. (This is true. The hourly rates are less, and I found a few of them that only have one-hour minimums on weekdays, whereas it’s typically a four-hour minimum on weekends.) So fine. I’m going to haul over as much as I can this weekend, and then I’m taking the day off on Monday, which is when I scheduled the movers. I’m probably going to rent a pickup truck from Home Depot to make this weekend easier, they’re pretty cheap & I should be able to haul almost all of my stuff in just a couple of trips. (The Subaru carries quite a bit, but it would take several more trips if I used it.) Then I’ll really only need the movers for my big things – bed, armoire & futon.

So, I’ve been packing like crazy when I get home from work in the evenings, and I’m getting really good about throwing stuff away. I’m averaging about 2-3 major dumpster trips every day. I’ve also accumulated a whole bunch of stuff that I want to give away to Goodwill. Problem is, a couple of the items are too big to fit in my car. My mom said to call them & they’ll come pick it up. Apparently this policy varies from state to state. I called the Goodwill that’s a couple of miles away from me, and this is an excerpt of the conversation I had with the (very clearly) middle eastern man who answered the phone:

Me: Hi, I have a few things that I’d like to donate to Goodwill, and I need to schedule a pickup.
Goodwill Dude: Goodwill no pickup.
Me: Um, I’m sorry. Did you say that you don’t do pickups?
GD: Yes, yes, Goodwill no pickup.
Me: Well, some of these things won’t fit in my car, so I don’t have any way to get them to you if you don’t come get them.
GD: You come store, much welcome.
Me: Excuse me?
GD: (repeats with emphasis & mild irritation) You come store, much welcome.

I love that last sentence. It makes no sense at all and yet I knew exactly what he meant. It was also funny because he was so clearly annoyed by the fact that I couldn’t understand him (I’m guessing a lot of people don’t, which has got to get frustrating after a while), so it was obvious that I was most certainly NOT “much welcome” by him.

Anyway, after that pleasant little phone chat, I decided that Goodwill can kiss my ass (pardon me), and I called the Salvation Army. They’re coming on Friday. Of course, they wouldn’t tell me exactly what time they’re coming, so I’m just going to leave it all outside with a big “for Salvation Army” note on it. If someone steals it, I really don’t care.

a couple of weird items to break up the monotony of your otherwise hum-drum week

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Only a couple of miles from one of my former apartments in Memphis, a girl bludgeoned her boyfriend to death with an iPod. I have no idea if this story is actually true or not, but they gave the exact street address (on Poplar Avenue), which makes me think that it just might be real. And it is a pretty ghetto neighborhood that they’re talking about — believe me, I know, I used to live there — so I don’t think this type of violent activity would be all that far-fetched, given the area.

Finally, something important to remember.

above or below the Mason Dixon line?

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Here’s a fun little quiz — Are you Yankee or Dixie?

Apparently I’m 79% Dixie, which is pretty shocking, since it was actually one point higher than my dad’s score! (For those who don’t know, my dad’s voice can best be described as a fairly dead-on impression of Foghorn Leghorn, the rooster from “Looney Tunes”.) I guess the years I’ve spent outside of the south have yet to really rub off on me. Who knew? I’m slightly comforted by the fact that my brother is more Dixie than me, at 82%. But that makes sense, as he has the thickest southern accent of anyone in our family.

In other news, the cold is now bronchitis. I went to the doctor yesterday & got some antibiotics. Fun stuff. I’m feeling a little better — the congestion has mostly moved out of my nose and further into my head, so I have a horrible headache, but I can breathe. I consider this to be a slight improvement. Still, it’s amazing how much this has killed my energy level in such a short time. I was in bed last night at 8:45. Now it’s Friday night & my only plans are to watch last night’s episode of “ER” (which I taped, because I was asleep) and then go back to bed. How sad is that?

eeeewwwww…

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Ok, did anyone else see this article about the dead whale that exploded in the middle of a busy street in Taiwan? I think the best part of the article is that they seemed to feel the need to mention that the whale’s penis was 5 feet long!!!! 5 feet! What the hell? I mean, I know it’s another species & all, but WHY?! That’s only a few inches shorter than me, for crissakes.

Although I must say, as bad as the Seattle traffic gets sometimes, I’m really glad that I’ve never had to deal with dead whale shrapnel screwing up my morning commute. Yeesh.