kid humor outtakes

Lucy has this habit of saying hilarious things out of the blue that just catch us completely off guard. Sometimes she’s intentionally being funny, sometimes it’s accidental. But I always mean to write them down, because I’m afraid I may forget them someday.

When your Mimi is a retired seamstress, sometimes you get new dresses (& matching hair bows) just for fun.

The movie “Sing” has taught her Sir Mix-a-Lot, because from the next room, I heard, “I loooove CATS and I cannot lie!”

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When I dry my hair, the kids think it’s funny to have me shoot hot air in their faces.

Which is all fine until Lucy runs in out of nowhere and screams, “BLOW ME!”

And I cracked up because apparently my sense of humor is on par with a 12 year-old boy’s.

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Back in February: “At school we learned about a guy who was shot & killed! His name was King Junior!”

Took me a second to realize she meant MLK, who they were studying for Black History Month.

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Lucy: *attempts some ridiculous thing that’s too absurd to even try to explain*

Me: “Lucy, I don’t think you can do that.”

Her: “Maybe I can, you don’t know my life.”

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3 stories about kids & technology:

1. “Mom, did you know you can make the screen bigger by pressing F11?” (Answer: yes, I did. But you’re only 5, so how did YOU know that?)

2. The kids were playing with Siri on their iPads, goofing around. Lucy said their dad’s name, so Siri (of course) pulled up his contact info & avatar. This completely blew Lucy’s mind. “CATIE! LOOK!! SIRI KNOWS DAD!!”

3. We installed Google Hangouts on their iPads so they can text me and their dad. This means I get a lot of this from Lucy.

Not gonna lie, I don’t hate it.

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I was feeling stressed out about a small work thing, and I had a headache. Chris told Lucy, “Go rub Mommy’s shoulders to help her feel better.”

Lucy replied: “You do it, I’m not your slave.”

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Reading a book at bedtime with Lucy & it had a scratch & sniff thing on one page.
Lucy’s assessment: “It just smells like book.”

I can’t explain why I couldn’t stop laughing for the next 5 minutes about that one, but it got me. From now on, every time I walk into a book store or library, I’m going to say, “It smells like book in here.”

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And lest it seem like Catie isn’t funny, she absolutely is. It just happens that 10 year-olds are less accidentally hilarious than 5 year-olds.

This girl had to get a palate expander at the orthodontist today, and she was a CHAMP. Barely made a whimper. 👍

So, here a few of my favorite Catie moments.

I’ve been thinking about buying a house (temporarily on hold, but it’s sort of in the back of my mind as a “someday” thing). A house went up for sale in our neighborhood, so we detoured past it one morning on our drive to school. Catie said the house looked way too small for us.

It was a Cape Code style house, so I explained that it was much bigger on the inside than it looked. Catie sighed, rolled her eyes, and said, “Mom. It’s a house, not a TARDIS.”

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One of the “completely accidental” jokes: we were in the car and Catie was telling me about some book she had just read.

“Mom, you know those ass-fed hounds?”

I’m sorry, the what??? Turns out she meant AFGHAN hounds. I had a hard time recovering from that one & playing it cool.

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We were in the car, listening to “When I Was Your Man” by Bruno Mars on the radio, when he’s lamenting about all the things he should’ve done for his girl when he had the chance. Catie pointed at the radio and said, “Yeah, Bruno Mars! You SHOULD have done all that nice stuff for her! What did you think would happen? CONSEQUENCES, THAT’S WHAT!”

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So yeah, kids are a riot. I highly recommend them.

May 4, 2017Permalink Leave a comment

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