Category Archives: Cate

Four more years

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So. We had this election here, in case you hadn’t heard. Back in 2008, I was overjoyed that Barack Obama was elected. I had even volunteered for his campaign.

And I still think he’s a good president. Has he accomplished every single thing I ever wanted? Well, clearly not, of course. That would be impossible. But I at least feel like things are moving in the right direction.

But, rather than go into what I think this means for the future of our country and all of that (which I’m sure has been discussed thoroughly on a million other blogs and far more eloquently than I could state it), let me say this on the topic of kids and the election:

This is the first time that Catie has been interested in any type of news or current events. During the last campaign, she was so little – she wasn’t even 2 years old yet – that she really had no clue what was going on. Now she’s in kindergarten where they have mock elections and she wants to ask me questions about why I like Obama more than Romney. (Believe me, trying to explain foreign policy and healthcare and equal rights to a 5 year-old is no easy feat.)

I also realized that I have to be so careful of how I phrase things to her. She asked what a President is and why we have elections, and I explained that while some countries have kings and queens, we have a President who’s in charge, but only for a little while, and then we choose a new one (or we can vote to have the same one twice in a row). Somehow she conflated the idea of royalty being a life sentence with the presidency, and she said, “Why do the people voting for Romney want President Obama to die?” Wait, WHAT?? No, baby, they don’t want him to die. (Well, a few fringe extremists might, but I’m not telling her that.) I tried to explain that NO NO NO, that’s not it at all, it’s just that some people think that Romney would do a better job, but that even if Romney wins, Obama would still be alive, and his wife and their 2 little girls would be fine too.

This morning when she woke up, she asked me who won after she went to sleep, and I told her that Obama won, and she said, “YAY! Because we wanted him to stay our President, right?” That’s right, Bug.

My little tomboy is wearing a dress. This is such a rare occurrence that I felt like I should document it.

She blows my mind, that kid.

I suppose by the time the next election rolls around, I’ll be explaining all of these concepts to Lucy for the first time, and Catie (as an almost-10 year-old) will understand it on a completely different level than she does now.

A little leaf crunching before daycare.

Hard to imagine. But then, looking back at my archives from 2008, I could never imagine Catie as the big kid she is now. I guess that’s just how it works.

Random aside, but since I’m talking about politics, and since 4 states voted for marriage equality last night, it reminded me of this:

Catie used to love to go to Chick-Fil-A. It used to be one of our weekly things that she and I did. I liked that their chicken was actually identifiable as chicken (instead of the chicken mush you get at McD’s and places like that), I loved their diet lemonade, and Catie loved their indoor play areas.

Then there was that whole thing this past summer about how they contribute to several anti-gay causes, and I just couldn’t bring myself to give them more of my money. Catie asked me about it, and I said, “The man who is in charge of Chick-Fil-A thinks that everybody doesn’t deserve to be treated equally, and I don’t believe that. He says that only some people should be allowed to get married, and I think that anyone should be allowed to get married if they love each other. So we aren’t going to go there anymore, or give them anymore of our money, until they stop being mean to people.”

And you know? She totally accepted that, without question. A few weeks later, my dad offered to take her to Chick-Fil-A for lunch, and she said, “No, Pop-Pop, we don’t go to Chick-Fil-A anymore.” And she basically parroted back exactly what I said.

My dad got annoyed, and glared at me and said, “You’re indoctrinating your kids already?”

And you know what? Yes. Yes, I am. And I’m proud of it too. If both of my girls grow up with empathy for others, and feeling passionately that everyone deserves to be treated equally? Then I think I will have done a damn fine job of raising them.

A very dino Halloween

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Halloween was especially fun this year, since it was Lucy’s first time getting to trick-or-treat. Technically, she went along last year, but I carried her in the Baby Bjorn the entire time, so that didn’t really count.

I was thinking that since Lucy’s favorite thing in the world right now is the TV show Yo Gabba Gabba, I might dress her up as one of the characters. I was thinking that DJ Lance would’ve been hilarious, and Foofa would’ve worked too. Her favorite character on the show is Muno, but I’m sorry, I can’t bring myself to dress my child up as a character that looks like a giant knobby red dildo. I just can’t. It’s bad enough that she sleeps with a plush version of him, I already worry about what that’s doing to her tiny toddler psyche.

But then, Catie wanted to be a dinosaur (again – this is kind of a recurring theme for her), and she asked if Lucy could be a dinosaur too. And, well, quite honestly, the idea of big and little dinosaurs was too cute for me to pass up.

I didn’t really get good pictures of the two of them together because they were constantly on the move, but…

Catie, my big scary dinosaur:

Catie the dinosaur at the daycare Halloween party

And Lucy, my tiny baby not-scary dinosaur (although she was happy to “ROAR!” for anyone who asked):

Lucy the baby dinosaur. I die.

I mean, are you kidding me I can’t even.

(As for not being able to get pics of them together? This was pretty much the best one I got:

Catie and Lucy, my big & little dinosaurs

See? Impossible!)

We did the Halloween party and parade at daycare, then went to my parents’ house for dinner, before going out trick-or-treating. We decided to trick-or-treat in my parents’ neighborhood, because the houses are on smaller lots, so they’re closer together, and the area is less hilly than my neighborhood, so I figured it’d be easy for the kids to walk it and hit a lot more houses in a lot less time. (I also figured that Lucy wasn’t going to last too long, since one year-olds aren’t exactly famous for their attention spans.)

Overall, really, it was great. Catie is old enough now that she knows the drill of saying “trick or treat!” and “thank you!” at every house. She’s a pro now and was totally easy all night.

Lucy wouldn’t say trick-or-treat, but every time someone gave her candy, she’d wave and say, “bye-bye!” and then blow them a kiss. So, yeah, pretty much the cutest thing ever, and she got a lot of “Awwwwww!”s from other parents.

Catie declared this to be the “Best Halloween EVER!!” Which is funny since that’s also what she said last year, and I’m guessing it’s likely what she’ll say next year.

The kids took a while to come down from their sugar highs and go to sleep, but they’re snuggled in their beds now, probably dreaming about cute little dinosaurs and chocolate.

I think I’ll go join them.

Happy Halloween, everybody.

Saturday at the farm

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So, I guess after you do something two years in a row, it officially becomes a “tradition”? It feels like it, anyway. The past couple of years, I’ve taken Catie to this great local farm here. (Last year, I didn’t bring Lucy because she was too little to enjoy it.)

I was thinking that we were going to miss the farm this year because we hadn’t done it yet, and I don’t even know if they’re open after Halloween, and the forecast this weekend looked sketchy at best. (Oh, hi, Hurricane Sandy! Thanks for going a little farther north than us.)

As it turned out, on Saturday afternoon, it was overcast and windy, but there wasn’t any rain, so my mom came over and suggested we take the girls to the farm. I was supposed to meet up with one of my friends and her daughter for a playdate, so I called and asked her if she wanted to go to the farm instead of her house. I think she was relieved to not have to host a playdate at her house, because she jumped on the idea immediately.

Catie impresses me every time she decides that she’s going to “be brave” and try something new. This year, I didn’t have to coax her to climb on the hay bales. She was all over them, and climbed as high as she could go.

Catie on the hay bales at the farm

She stood up there with the wind whipping all around her and shouted that she was queen of the world. It was a very Titanic kind of moment.

She also posed with her friend Morgan for me.

Catie and Morgan at the farm

Is it possible to get a photo of 5 year-olds where they aren’t giving you fake smiles? I’m highly doubtful.

I plopped Lucy about halfway up on the hay bale stack, and she loved it. (I wasn’t too worried about her falling off, because I was within arm’s reach of her, and also there are several inches of hay-padding on the ground.)

Lucy on the hay bales at the farm

(Note the mud on her pants & shoe. If there is a mud puddle anywhere within a mile radius, Lucy will find it and fall in it. I cleaned her up the best I could, then figured the hell with it, she was fine and her clothes were all washable. She didn’t seem bothered in the slightest.)

The pony ride is always Catie’s favorite part of the farm, and this year we thought Lucy might like her first pony ride too. My mom walked beside her to make sure she didn’t fall off, and she LOVED it.

Catie on the pony rides

Lucy's first pony ride (with assistance from Mimi)

Another thing she and her big sister have in common, clearly.

After a couple of hours, the kids were worn out. We stopped at the pumpkin patch to get a pumpkin before we left. I tried to get a picture of the three girls (Catie, Lucy, and Catie’s friend Morgan) next to the pumpkin measuring chart, and this is how the majority of my pictures turned out.

This is basically how most pictures turn out when you have 3 kids in the "5 & under" set.

Yeah.

I finally got this one.

The best group shot I could get.

Fine. That’s as good as it’s going to get.

Oh, about that pumpkin? Here’s my lazy mom shortcut tip: don’t carve the pumpkin. Just draw on a jack-o-lantern face with a Sharpie. It takes 2 minutes and you’re done. Plus, no mess. WIN.

Lazy mom shortcut: we don't carve pumpkins, we draw their faces with a Sharpie. Took 2 minutes. Done.

Overall it was a really fun day. I’m grateful the rain held off until later so we were able to enjoy the farm this year.

Official

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I got an email from my attorney a few minutes ago that I am officially divorced.

It feels weird that I didn’t have to be there for it. I had all these little fantasies about how this would play out: I’d show up at the courthouse in a fancy dress and tiara, and write “Just Divorced” in soap on the back windshield of my car as I drove away.

But none of that was necessary. My attorney went to the courthouse for me, she handed the judge the decree, the judge signed it, and that’s that.

Pretty anti-climactic, no?

I had planned to meet up with Laura this evening to get pictures taken of me and the girls. A mini-celebration of our new little family unit, just the three of us. It felt appropriate.

Then Lucy crashed on her tricycle at daycare. The director told me she had “a little boo-boo under her eye.”

Ummm…

Well, we WERE going to have family pics done tomorrow, until someone fell off a tricycle & got her first black eye.

This picture doesn’t do it justice. Girlfriend has a full-on shiner now. I feel like I need to put a sign around her neck that says, “She’s just an accident-prone toddler, nobody is abusing her at home, I swear.”

And then Catie got sick with a cold. She’s had the sniffles for a while, but it got really bad last night. Bad enough that I let her stay home from school today, and she’s currently laying on the couch watching some random dinosaur cartoon on Netflix.

Honestly, it’s kind of nice to have her around.

This day feels so weird. I am happy that it’s done. I really, really am. This process was so ridiculously long and drawn out, I feel like a weight has been lifted knowing that it’s done.

It’s also a little surreal, and I think it might take a while for it to sink in that it’s finished.

But black eyes and sniffles and canceled plans notwithstanding, it’s a good day. It really is.

And P.S., a heartfelt f*** you to the state of North Carolina and their ridiculous mandatory waiting periods. This whole process was made so much more agonizingly painful than it needed to be. As much as I love everything else about this state, that’s really the only advice I have from this whole thing – don’t get divorced in North Carolina. Ever.

visitation

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(This post is a little rambly. Sorry I’m having a hard time collecting my thoughts lately.)

Dave flew back to Seattle on Sunday. All things considered, his visit here with the girls went exceptionally well. He texted me pictures of them when he took them out places (even the grocery store).

Girls take the wheel(s)! Look out!

In fact, one evening he came to pick up the girls a little early, and I had ordered pizza for them for dinner (because I thought he wasn’t coming until later and I knew they’d be hungry). So he hung out and we ate pizza together, and we talked about our kids and the upcoming election.

It was easy and familiar and completely freaking weird, all at the same time. I’d like to think that it’s the start of a trend, but I also worry that the other shoe is going to drop at some point. (It usually does, right?) But in the meantime, I have to think that it’s good for the kids to see us being pleasant with each other, so I’m hoping that we can keep it up.

On the nights Catie spent with him (we both agreed that Lucy is too young to spend the night away, she needs her crib and her normal bedtime routine), I made a point that I wanted to have a few minutes to either visit with Catie in person or Skype with her each day that she was away. It worked out really well.

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One time after spending 2 nights in a row with him, she started to whine that she was homesick, so Dave brought her home to hang out with me. This just happened to be on Friday, which was my mom’s birthday, so she and I put on our matching aprons and made Mimi a birthday cake.

me & my girls on Mimi's birthday
Ignore the fact that I’m a sweaty mess in dire need of lipstick. Look how proud of herself she is!

Oh, one more unnecessary picture because it cracks me up.
Happy birthday, Mimi!
That was taken while we were singing “happy birthday” to Mimi. The WTF-ness on Lucy’s face just slays me.

(And yes, the cake looks pretty awful. I am not a very good cake decorator under the best circumstances, but with my tiny sous chef, it was even more challenging. Doesn’t matter, though, because it was DELICIOUS.)

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So, that was Friday. Saturday, I took Catie to her cousin Elizabeth’s birthday party, and then the girls hung out with Dave for a few hours so I could take a nap (which was blissful). Saturday night, I had them both back at home because his flight left at 6 a.m. on Sunday.

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At this point, I know I don’t really have to worry too much about how Lucy handles things because she’s still so young and oblivious. She won’t be soon, and believe me I know that.

But I primarily have to keep a close eye on Catie’s stress level. I’ve figured out a lot of her stress indicators (crying frequently, getting physical with Lucy and pushing her, etc.), and I try to be sympathetic while not letting her get away with too much crap. I mean, hey, I get that you’re upset that you haven’t seen your dad for a few months, but that doesn’t give you the right to shove your baby sister to the ground, you know?

I’m also trying to get her to talk about her feelings more. One of the things she frequently and randomly bursts into tears about is because she claims she misses Teenie, our cat who passed away in February. And I’m sure she does miss Teenie, but I don’t think that’s the whole issue. The last time she had one of these outbursts, I said, “Baby girl, are you crying because you miss Teenie, or because you miss Daddy?” She cried, “BOTH!!!” And sobbed harder.

It’s so hard for her, and I try to make it easier where I can, but we have moments like that where she just breaks my heart and I don’t know how to comfort her because I can’t fix it.

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I knew it was going to be bad when he left, so I randomly said, “Hey, you know what? I know you’re going to be really sad after Daddy goes back to Seattle, so I think we should think of something REALLY SUPER FUN to do after he leaves, and I think you should pick what our adventure will be.”

She thought about it for a few minutes, and said she wanted to go see the dinosaur bones at the NC Museum of Natural Sciences. She went there recently on a field trip with her daycare and she loved it.

Did I mention that admission to the museum is free? DONE.

Catie & Lucy at the NC Museum of Science

Almost every picture I took turned out blurry because both girls were having so much fun that they never stopped running the whole time.

I did, however, get one picture of my girl sitting with a dinosaur footprint.

My future paleontologist poses with a dinosaur footprint.

This is sort of how I see her as an adult, since she’s so adamant about wanting to be a paleontologist when she grows up. I can imagine her 30 years from now at a dig site in South America or God-knows-where, sitting just like this next to some brilliant discovery she’s made.

As far as distracting her from Dave’s departure? It kind of worked. She’s mostly been fine for the past couple of days. Maybe it’ll be a delayed reaction, I don’t know.

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Last night, she said that she wanted to make Daddy a card. I gave her one of my blank note cards, and she asked me to help her spell out her words. (We’ve been doing this a lot lately since she’s been practicing writing at kindergarten. I help her sound them out and try to help her figure out the next letter herself.)

She wrote on the card:

“I miss you Daddy. Love Catie and Lucy.”

Then she covered it in stickers and asked me to mail it. Even though seeing those words printed out in her little 5 year-old handwriting made me want to hold the card to my chest and cry, I put it in an envelope, stamped it, and shipped it off.

I have no idea if it’ll break his heart like it did mine. I guess that disconnect to each other’s feelings is just one of many reasons we aren’t together anymore.

random Monday thoughts

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My head is kind of a mess of different things right now, and I feel like I should blog since it’s been a week. (I know y’all probably don’t care, but when I look at my archives and see barely anything written, it tends to be because those are the times when my brain was too preoccupied to say anything.) So, a few random things happening here.

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* Dave is in town for a visit. He hadn’t seen the girls since March, so I wasn’t sure what to expect and I was quite honestly a knot of anxiety about the whole thing. Six months is a long time, especially when you’re a little kid. So far, it’s going pretty smoothly. Catie is obviously thrilled to see him. And Lucy didn’t really remember him, but she warmed up to him quickly, probably (at least partially) thanks to sibling rivalry. (Catie is sitting on someone’s lap? Lucy wants to be on that person’s lap too, dammit.)

So, it’s fine, but it’s also a weird topic that I don’t really feel comfortable talking about here. I’m bracing myself for next weekend when he leaves, because that’s essentially when I have to go into grief counselor mode for Catie. It’s going to suck, but it is what it is and there isn’t much I can do about it, other than to try to keep her routines in place so she feels as safe and secure in her world as possible. Which is what I do anyway.

[Ok, fine, here’s where I’ll be snarky and admit that when he texted me to tell me that he took both kids to IHOP yesterday and the food took an hour and both kids had simultaneous meltdowns in the middle of the restaurant? Yes, I did derive a tiny bit of satisfaction out of that. If that makes me a petty, horrible person, so be it. Also, later on, Lucy puked on him, but it was at my house and I had to clean up the floor, so that was less funny. Still, it did feel a little bit like, “Oh hey, welcome to MY world, buddy!”]

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* I took advantage of the kids’ time with Dave this weekend to try to reorganize the house and clean out my office. That was possibly the most gratifying thing I’ve done in a long, LONG time. I made about 6 trips to the recycle bin and hauled out a couple of giant lawn-size hefty bags of trash. It felt so good to unload all of that stuff. I keep looking around my office and feeling like a weight has been lifted off of me. I can now watch “Hoarders” without nervously looking around my own house. It’s very freeing.

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* Lucy. My god. This child.

She is how I know without a doubt that I’m done having babies, because I am quite certain that I would never survive another toddler. The tantrums and the drama, plus the fact that she still doesn’t consistently sleep through the night, and she howls every time I try to put her in her car seat… it’s like somebody crossed a newborn with the terrible two’s and came up with this hellspawn hybrid demon baby-toddler.

But then, you know, she’s also a toddler, and therefore completely hilarious.

Someday she is going to outgrow that tummy. And I will cry.

I took this picture because I wanted to capture THAT TUMMY. Which I kiss about a million times a day. And when I say, “Lucy, where’s your tummy?” She pulls up her shirt and rubs her little Buddha-belly like she’s all proud of it, and it makes me sad that we don’t keep those body image ideals as we get older. She’ll outgrow that tummy someday, and I’ll be heartbroken when she does.

Also, one of my friends pointed out that in that picture, she looks like a tiny David Lee Roth. And she totally does, except I think Lucy might have more hair on top than ol’ David Lee has these days.

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* On a sad note, my great uncle Numa passed away last week. It wasn’t a surprise, and we’re all relieved that he isn’t in pain anymore. I don’t really have the words to sum up my uncle Numa here. There’s a really nice obituary that covers what an amazing career he had. (How many people can say that the guy who played Newman on Seinfeld played them in a movie? Random, right?) I knew him as the guy who was completely smitten with his wife, my great aunt Connie, even after 50 years of marriage. He was hilariously funny and told the greatest stories.

He had been ill for a very long time, and he hadn’t wanted visitors around when he was sick, so I hadn’t seen him in a long time. I remember in 2004, when Dave and I were still just dating, we were in New Orleans at Christmas, and I called Numa. I don’t remember why I called him, I think I was asking him for a restaurant recommendation. But that was the last time I spoke with him. At the end of our chat, I remember him saying, “Darlin’, if you get into trouble in the Quarter tonight, just tell the cops my name and they’ll take care of you.” Always good to have a name you can drop when you get arrested for drunk & disorderly on Bourbon Street, right?

He was a wonderful man who’ll be very missed by so many.

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* It was 50 degrees outside when I woke up this morning. The high today is 72. Hey there, September, you’re looking lovely.