Last New Year’s Eve, I was still recovering from the flu, but I had this idea that I wanted to take the kids to downtown Raleigh for First Night, which is when they have a countdown and fireworks at both 7 p.m. (for the little kids) and another one at midnight (for the regular people, I guess – I predict I’ll never be there for the midnight event). My brother came with me, and we had a good time, despite me still feeling pretty terrible.
This year, we decided to do it again, but my brother is back in Charlotte, so it was just me and Chris and the kids. Since Chris had to work on New Year’s Eve, we were a little late getting downtown, but we made it.
We got there around 6:40 p.m., and somehow managed to navigate through the crowd and find my cousin Cat – which was no easy feat, since she’s only 5’1″, so she’s fairly easy to lose in a crowd. Fortunately, her husband Tony is taller, and I spotted him first. My girls visited with their cousins (well, Catie did, anyway – Lucy was overwhelmed by the crowd and wanted someone to carry her the whole time), and Tony’s sister was there with her dog, who was UNBELIEVABLY well-behaved (the dog, I mean, not Diana), given the crowd and the noise and all the little kids pestering him.
Note the giant acorn suspended from a crane in the background. Raleigh is the “City of Oaks,” so they drop an acorn instead of a ball. Yeah, I don’t know. It’s weird. Whatever.
It was a little chaotic, but fortunately it wasn’t long until the countdown and fireworks show. Catie has seen fireworks lots of times, but Lucy is usually asleep by the time they happen, and she obviously didn’t remember them from a full year ago, so she was mesmerized.
After the fireworks show ended, we navigated through the mobs of people and somehow managed to track down my aunt and uncle (Cat’s parents), who had gone off to wander around on their own. We basically said hi, gave hugs & kisses, then made our way back to the car.
I had been planning to spend more time downtown to let the kids run around and explore (First Night is set up a little like a carnival with food stands and games and things), but it just didn’t work out that way, since we got there so late. Which was fine with me, since most of the stuff there is kind of expensive (last year, I ended up dropping $15 on a New Year’s bell for Lucy and a light-saber type toy for Catie), and this way, we basically were able to go for free.
But the girls didn’t want to go home so soon, and Chris pointed out that we were awfully close to the flagship Krispy Kreme store (oh, that magical place where the “Hot Donuts Now” light is always on), so maybe a little side trip might be fun.
Safe to say, we were not the only people in the world who had that same idea. The crowd at Krispy Kreme was pretty big. And while we were waiting in line, we saw… my cousin and her family. No pre-planning, just happened that we both decided on our way home to stop for donuts. Great minds, clearly.
Later, we got home, got the kids bathed and in bed, watched a little TV, snuggled up in bed, and watched Anderson Cooper and Kathy Griffin do the countdown on CNN.
So, basically: fireworks, warm fresh donuts, and snuggled up in my bed with my favorite guy.
(One of the very rare occasions you’ll see a picture of me with no make-up on. Thank you, Instagram filters.)
I could not have asked for a better New Year’s Eve.
Since I seem to do these every year, let’s sum up 2013!
1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
* Became the mom of a first grader.
* Got new boobs.
* Said the f-word in front of my dad. (I was quoting something, so it was appropriate in that context, but it was one of those, “Whoa, I guess I’m really an adult now because I didn’t get in trouble for saying that” moments.)
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No, I generally don’t make new year’s resolutions.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A few friends had babies. My college roommate had her second little girl, and another friend just recently adopted a baby after years of infertility problems, and I am so happy for her.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
Well, the world lost Dawn, and that sucked. Nobody in my immediate family passed away this year, thankfully.
5. What countries did you visit?
No other countries. I did go to Texas twice, though. (Once in May for my sister’s bridal shower/bachelorette party, and again in November for her wedding.)
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
This has been my answer since 2011…
Stability. Calmness. Serenity. Less drama. Two kids who sleep through the night in their own damn beds. Little things.
Yeah. That. I would still like that, please and thank you.
7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
* May 1st – Chris and I got back together. It’s notable because it’s turned out to be the best risk I’ve ever taken.
* July 18th – boob job day.
* November 9th – my sister’s wedding.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
I worked really hard on a lot of things – fitness, mental health, communication skills, being better at my job – and I made a lot more progress with all of them than I ever had before.
9. What was your biggest failure?
Sinking to someone else’s level and reacting when they were obviously only trying to antagonize me.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Normal stuff. Sinus infections, tweaked muscles, nothing major.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
There’s a few gadgets I could list here (upgraded phone, second iPad to make the kids stop fighting over the one, etc.), but I was trying to think of something a little more creative.
Actually, one of the best things I got was the armoire that I bought off craigslist and put in my office. So much storage space! So much easier to tidy things up!
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My sister. She pulled off planning a wedding for over 200 guests and never once turned into a Bridezilla about any of it. And it was gorgeous, and everything was perfect.
I mean, COME ON.
Let’s face it, she wins the whole year.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Without naming names or being specific at all: people who spend their lives so consumed in anger and bitterness that they try to take down everyone else around them. I suppose I knew these people existed prior to the past year, but I had never had firsthand exposure to just how horribly some grown-ass adults actually behave. And it is pathetic and sad to see, let me tell you.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Daycare, rent, bills, same ol’.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
I got stuck on this question because there are just so many things.
* Seeing my sister get married.
* Watching my kids as they grow and evolve into their own personalities, and just reveling in each of them.
* Getting back together with Chris.
* Seeing how much my kids love Chris, and getting to know his kids, who are delightful and fantastic.
* Introducing Chris to my family and having them completely embrace him and love him, because they see how happy I am with him. And that makes me realize how much they love me, because they all want me to be happy, and oh man, it’s just a big ball of ooey gooey love over here and sorry I’ll shut up now.
16. What song will always remind you of 2013?
I was going to say “Blurred Lines,” because that song was everywhere this year, but I’m not particularly a fan of it. I mean, it’s a catchy tune, I’m just tired of it now. Same with that “Royals” song by Lorde. Or “What Does the Fox Say,” because Catie has played that one approximately 10 bajillion times.
So I’ll pick “I Love It” by Icona Pop, because it’s Lucy’s favorite song (well, I guess it’s toss-up between this and anything by Katy Perry), and we listened to her sing “I don’t care, I love it” more times than I can possibly count.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier x 10000% x infinity. b) thinner or fatter? Thinner by about 35 pounds (yay!). c) richer or poorer? About the same.
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Sleeping.
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Losing my temper with the kids over stupid, trivial things. Some days I’m too short-tempered and yell too much. Happens to the best of us.
(I also say I’m sorry and give hugs & kisses afterward. And I’m pretty sure nobody’s going to therapy because they were fighting over a toy and Mommy yelled, “KNOCK IT OFF OR EVERYONE IS GOING TO BED RIGHT NOW!!” But I still feel bad when I’m irritable with them.)
20. How did you spend Christmas?
Surrounded by my favorite people, as well as some really fantastic food. I am very lucky and I have zero complaints.
21. Did you fall in love in 2013?
Technically I fell in love with Chris last year, but I fell in love with him again – and so much harder – this year. So I guess he’s my answer. And hopefully he’ll keep being my answer every year.
22. What was your favorite TV program?
Breaking Bad.
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hmmmm…. define “hate”? There are a couple of people who I genuinely dislike now, but I try not to waste my energy on hate.
24. What was the best book you read?
This is terrible, but I cannot think of a single book that I started and finished this year. I started a lot of books and didn’t finish a single one. I apparently have literary ADD.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Lots of stuff on the radio that I liked this year. Imagine Dragons, One Republic, that “Cups” song, pretty much most of the stuff that my kids sing because I think it’s adorable.
26. What did you want and get by year’s end?
An upgraded iPhone. (Finally retired my 3 1/2 year-old iPhone 4 and got the 5S. Or rather, it was given to me as a Christmas gift. Best gift ever, too, since I use it daily.)
27. What did you want and not get by year’s end?
For Lucy to sleep in her own bed at night. Seriously, we’re up to 31 months now, and she’s still crawling up in my bed every single night. WHEN DOES IT STOP?
28. What was your favorite film of this year?
I think it came out last year, but we watched Super 8 on Netflix, and I thought it was fantastic.
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 37, and I had dinner with my kids at my parents’ house. Not that exciting, but it was nice.
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I’ve been thinking about this for a while, and I’ve got nothing. I am incredibly fortunate.
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2013?
I’d call it “still trying to figure out what works on my differently-shaped body now that I’ve lost weight and gotten boobs.” It’s pretty hit-or-miss.
32. What kept you sane?
Not a “what” as much as a “who,” and it was undoubtedly Chris.
33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I admit, I developed a little bit of a crush on Aaron Paul/Jesse Pinkman. I know he’s too young and I could probably snap him like a twig, but… yeah. Go figure.
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Oh, gun control, abortion rights, marriage equality, all the typical things us hardcore liberals get amped up about.
35. Who did you miss?
The first 4-5-ish months of the year, I missed Chris a lot. Now I just miss all of my friends and family who live far away.
36. Who was the best new person you met?
I met lots of people this year, not sure if I can single out one as the “best.”
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
See #9. I’m learning that if someone comes after you and their only intent is to provoke a reaction or make you angry, the worst thing you can do is let them.
As one of my very dear friends back in Mississippi says, “You just gotta be like a duck, darlin’. Just let it roll right off you.”
So there’s my life lesson: be more duck-like.
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Not my favorite song of the year, but it always reminds me of Chris:
“It’s not a walk in the park
To love each other.
But when our fingers interlock,
Can’t deny, can’t deny you’re worth it
Cause after all this time.
I’m still into you.”
Today feels like the official end of the holiday season. My sister is flying home this afternoon (her husband – and man, it still feels weird to call him that since they’ve only been married a little over a month – flew home yesterday because he had to be at work today). The kids are back at daycare today, and after a week off, they were both excited to go see their friends. And I’m back at work too, although apparently my work laptop has other ideas, because it’s been on the fritz all morning. Which is probably a sign for me to just can it and give up, but I’m trying to fix it.
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I hurt my back last week, and I have no idea how. It could be from helping Dave move stuff, could be because I’m constantly hauling around a 30-pound toddler on my hip, could be because that same toddler climbs in bed with me every night and sleeps with her feet poking me in the ribs. But whatever the case, I’ve been hobbling around like an arthritic 90 year-old for the past few days, popping ibuprofen like M&Ms, and I feel terrible. I called around this morning and found an acupuncturist with an open appointment today, so I’m going to give it a try.
I have sort of mixed feelings about “alternative” medical treatments – my mom has a lot of chronic pain issues and she swears by acupuncture, it really helps her a lot. On the other hand, I saw a chiropractor for a shoulder injury earlier this year, and while it did help a lot, the injury flared up again as soon as I stopped going. And I don’t really want to have to go get adjustments twice a week, every week, for the rest of my life. So, I’m hoping that a couple of sessions with needles in my back will clear this up and I’ll be done. Maybe this acupuncturist can even fix this stupid shoulder thing that I’ve had for well over a year now. We’ll see.
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Catie’s 7th birthday is a month from now, and I found out that the place where she wanted to have her birthday party (Pump It Up) is already booked the day I was planning to have her party, as are a few other places. It’s frustrating and I’m trying to call around to find her a fun party place.
This whole kids’ party thing is kind of a racket, but since she has a January birthday, having a backyard party isn’t an option, and I am not nearly zen enough to deal with having 8-10 kids in my house at one time. So, I’m a big fan of farming out the birthday party. I just have to figure out the location and how we’re going to manage it. And I didn’t realize that apparently I should’ve started figuring it out weeks ago.
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One last holiday thing: New Year’s Eve, tomorrow night. I’m planning on taking the girls to First Night to see the early fireworks show. Downtown Raleigh has a countdown & fireworks at 7 p.m. for the little kids, so they can be home and in bed long before midnight. My brother and I took them last year, and it was a lot of fun, Catie talked about it for ages. I think it’ll be even better this year, since Lucy is old enough to understand what’s going on. (Last year, she was mostly just confused by all of it.)
Plus, my cousin and her kids are planning to meet up with us, which should make it even more fun for the girls, because they love getting to hang out with their cousins.
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No reason for posting this picture, except that I love it.
My dad and Lucy. Those two have a really special little bond between the two of them. My brother-in-law got that picture on his phone, and I think it’s just perfect.
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I need to do my end of the year meme. Maybe tomorrow. Right now I gotta go get some needles shoved in my back. Good times.
Christmas here was a little chaotic, in the way that most holidays are when you’re dealing with a lot of family members all in one place.
For starters, Dave arrived from Seattle and moved into his new apartment on Monday, the 23rd. I had some extra furniture (things that were actually his to begin with) that I gave back to him for his new place. Chris and I helped him move it, which was challenging since his apartment is on the 3rd floor.
Also, this was the first time that Chris and Dave met. I expected it to be awkward and weird, but it was honestly fine. Dave texted me later that he thought Chris seemed like a good guy, and that it made him happy to see that Catie and Lucy both seem to like him so much. I thought that was a really nice thing for him to say, since he didn’t have to acknowledge it at all.
On Christmas Eve, I cooked like a maniac for our big Christmas Eve dinner, and helped Dave move more stuff into his apartment. (Chris had some relatives who were selling furniture on craigslist, so that helped.) And yeah, ok, technically, I didn’t have to help him move anything, and Chris certainly wasn’t required to help, but I think it was a good example for the kids to see that all of the grown-ups get along and are friendly with each other. And if it helped make Dave’s apartment feel more home-y, so the kids would be more comfortable when staying with their dad, then all the better.
That evening, we had our big dinner at my parents’ house, and the kids opened their family presents.
The girls stayed with me that night, and everyone came over ridiculously early, before the girls woke up, to be here to see them get their presents from Santa.
Later that morning, Dave picked the kids up and they spent the rest of Christmas Day and night with him. Since I didn’t have the kids and didn’t have anything else to do that day, I took a short nap, then went over to Chris’s house to have lunch with his family, and hang out with him and his kids for a while. His kids are really sweet and funny, and it was great to get to spend some time with them. I don’t think I’ve ever been around them without my own kids also there, so it was a different dynamic, but it was a lot of fun.
My sister and brother-in-law flew in on Christmas night, and they’re staying at my house. We got Catie and Lucy back on Thursday (the 26th), and they got a few more presents, because you know, my kids clearly aren’t spoiled enough.
Lucy is particularly proud of her new scooter.
Catie also got a scooter, but it may take her a while to warm up to it since she’s so cautious about new things. She still had fun, and she loved all of the clothes that her aunt Tracy picked out for her. (I gotta admit, my sister is far more talented at picking out kids’ clothes than I am.)
And now, it’s all over, and I don’t have to go back to work until Monday, so it’s nice to enjoy some downtime with my girls, and especially to get some time with this guy right here.
Because Meghan started a good thing with this a few years back, here’s our holiday card, for those of you who didn’t receive one in the mail. (Which isn’t because we don’t love you, but I don’t have everybody’s addresses.)
Hope you all have a wonderful holiday season, and sending wishes that 2014 could be even better still.
There’s something pretty major happening right now that I want to blog about, but I also have to be careful of how I choose my words, because some people who read my blog seem to have a way of twisting things around.
The short version? It appears that Dave is moving back to North Carolina. Like, right now as I’m typing this, he’s driving from Seattle back to Raleigh.
There’s a lot of backstory here, and a lot of things that led him to make this decision, but those are his personal reasons and I don’t feel like it’s appropriate for me to get into all of it. It’s one thing for me to blog about all of my own personal issues, but it’s not really fair for me to talk about someone else’s.
Boundaries, you know. I’m working on them.
This obviously means a change to our custody arrangements, since right now it’s sort of a gray, nebulous “he can visit with the kids when he’s in town” phrasing, and if he’s going to be local, we need a more concrete visitation schedule in place. We’re still working on that.
He found an apartment here, in the complex that is quite literally across the street from me. It’s a big apartment complex, and the specific unit he’s renting won’t have a direct view of my house or anything, but it’s a walkable distance. I’m not sure how I feel about that – convenient, yes, but also maybe a little *too* close? I guess we’ll have to wait and see how it plays out.
I have a lot of mixed feelings about all of this. My fears are things like, how will the kids adjust to this new situation? And what if Dave is only here long enough for the kids to get used to having him around, and until Lucy really bonds with him, and then he moves away again? Then I’ll have to play grief counselor for two kids instead of just one.
And also, I’ve gotten really used to being the solo parent on the scene. Sure, Chris helps out, and so do my parents, but ultimately I’m the one in charge who calls all the shots and makes the rules. I don’t think it’ll be very easy for me to shift into more of a co-parenting setup. I have some… hmm, how to phrase it nicely?… “control issues.” Especially when it comes to my girls. That whole “mama bear” thing, you know. You don’t want to get between me and my cubs.
On the positive side, though, it means the girls get to have their dad in their lives. Which is absolutely, unquestionably a good thing for them. And selfishly, it means I’ll actually get some time off to relax and do my own non-Mommy stuff. Which is sort of mind-boggling. What will I do? Take up a hobby? Learn a craft? Or just watch Netflix and sleep? (Hint: probably Netflix and sleep.)
I think the good outweighs the bad here. Or at least I hope it will. Ultimately, I can’t control what Dave does or doesn’t do – I stopped having any say in that matter a long, long time ago. All I can do is try to help my girls adjust to this new change, and hope that it all works out for the best. And I really, truly hope that it will.
Back in 2007, it was Catie’s first Christmas, and Dave and I had this idea (or maybe it was only my idea, I forget) to take her to get her picture taken with Santa. Because, you know, that’s what kids are supposed to do. Or something. Who knows, I barely slept the first two years of her life, I don’t really remember much.
The visit to Santa? It… didn’t go well.
Nailed it.
And that is the last time that Catie ever sat on the lap of a professional mall Santa. She’s been terrified of the big guy ever since. She likes the videos he sends through the Portable North Pole website, but the computer monitor is as close as she’s willing to get. (Btw, that’s not a promo for that website or anything, but if you have a Santa-believing-aged child, you can send them a custom message from Santa and it’s pretty awesome. My girls love it.)
But, you know, Catie and Lucy are very different personality types. I mentioned to Lucy that we could go to the mall, and she could meet Santa in person and tell him what she wants for Christmas. She flipped out with excitement.
“I go see Tanta Ho-Ho! I sit his lap! I tell him I want a mermaid!”
(Side note: she used to call him just “Ho-Ho,” so the fact that she’s now added something that vaguely sounds like Santa is… an improvement? And I don’t know what happened to the 3rd “Ho,” you can make up your own dirty joke there.)
Anyway, yesterday we went to the mall, but of course we got there when Santa was just about to go on his lunch break.
We killed some time by going on the merry-go-round at the mall.
One thing they do have in common: they’d rather ride on the benches of the merry-go-round than the horses. I don’t know why.
Then, since there were already a few people in line waiting for Santa to get back from his break, we got some snacks, made a coat pile, and waited for Santa’s return.
Lucy: “I think Tanta Ho-Ho had to go potty.” Probably so, baby girl. Probably so.
Finally, Santa came back, and the few kids in front of us had their pictures taken while Lucy said, “It my turn yet? It my turn yet?”
When it was her turn, she marched up to him, shook his hand, told him her name, told him that she was 2 years old, and sat on his lap for a picture.
The funny thing is that while she was totally cool with meeting Santa, she was actually a little bit scared of the guy who was taking her picture, which is why she wasn’t really smiling. But she was so excited, and she talked about meeting “Tanta Ho-Ho” the whole way home.
Meanwhile, when Lucy was having her picture taken, Catie refused to go anywhere near the guy, and Chris had to walk her away from the “Santa’s workshop” area, to keep her from completely freaking out.
And hey, that’s not a criticism of Catie at all. Mall Santas can be sketchy. And Catie is a cautious kid who is sometimes shy around new people. (Although, that depends on the person. Last month at my sister’s wedding, she met my cousin Cici for the first time, and she immediately hugged her and sat on her lap. When I asked her about it later, she said, “She felt like somebody I knew.” Who knows, maybe that’s just the magic of that bond that I have with my cousins that she felt.) Honestly, I think it’s TOTALLY FINE that Catie doesn’t want to meet Santa. But I think it’s kind of fun that Lucy does.
It’s not the first time they’ve shown me the contrast in their personalities, and I know it won’t be the last. But it still amazes me every time. They are so similar and so different at the same time, they just blow me away.
