Author Archives: Cindy

more about boobs

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I haven’t mentioned anything about this for fear of jinxing it, but it’s been a couple of weeks now, so I think it’s safe to talk about it. Here’s my big confession: we’ve given breastfeeding another shot.

After I had that little meltdown a couple of weeks ago, I took a couple of days off, and I announced to Dave, my mom, the Internet and anyone else who would listen that I was Not Going to Do This Anymore. Then the next day, for reasons that I still can’t explain, I stuck Cate on the boob again. I guess I felt like I had officially given up, so I had nothing to lose.

Aaaand, we’ve been doing it pretty consistently ever since then. I nurse her an average of five or six times a day – and despite what all of the breastfeeding experts say, the frequency and duration has not made my milk supply increase at all. Each time she nurses, I only hear her swallow a few times, and she’s still ravenous for a bottle afterward. And I keep having to increase the amount of formula she gets, so obviously my milk supply isn’t keeping up with her appetite. So I don’t know how much benefit (if any) she’s getting from it. I rationalize it by thinking that some breastmilk must be better than none, so we’re hanging in there.

I honestly don’t know how long we’ll keep it up. I’m thinking in short-term goals. We’re about to reach the one month point, and it’s not so bad, so I’ve started thinking that maybe I’ll try to keep breastfeeding until she’s six weeks old. Maybe, just maybe, I might make it to two months. But I’m not holding my breath on that one. We’re working the “one day at a time” plan here.

And I still don’t get the whole crazy-love-bonding thing from it. I’m constantly trying to make sure she’s latched on right, counting the number of times I hear her swallow, and watching the clock to see how long she’s been nursing. It’s not this Sweet Hallmark Moment that people make it sound like. It feels like Work – something you do out of some sense of obligation, not because you like it.

In contrast, this morning, Cate and I lay on the couch together and did nothing but stare at each other for a half hour. That was an awesome little Mommy & Baby Hallmark Moment. The nursing thing? Eh, not so much. And that’s ok, I just don’t know how long I can keep myself motivated to keep it up. But we’re doing alright for now.

change of plans

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My in-laws won’t be coming for a visit after all, for reasons that are best left off the blog. It’s nothing life or death, just some run-of-the-mill internal family drama. If I’m being vague, it’s because I feel like it’s one thing for me to write about my own family here, but I believe Dave is entitled to a bit of privacy, so we’ll just leave it at that. It will all be fine, I promise. These types of things always sort themselves out.

Another bit of news this week is that Dave is apparently going to have to go to San Francisco for a work-related conference during the first week in March. Which would normally not be a big deal – he often has to travel for work, and I’m not a huge fan of it, but I do ok by myself. This time, the idea of being alone with a newborn for a week, combined with my current state of sleep-deprivation and post-partum hormones, made me freak out a bit. Taking care of the baby by myself didn’t seem like a big deal before she was here; now, however, it seems absolutely terrifying. How will I ever be able to take a shower? And who will hold her when she’s screaming her head off and I need two hands to make a bottle?

Of course, the baby and I could go with him to San Francisco and just hang out in the hotel all week, but that didn’t sound like much fun either. Airplanes are so full of germs, and Cate hasn’t had most of her vaccines yet. Not to mention all the gear you need to travel with an infant. Ugh. No need.

So my mom, god love her, scrounged up some frequent flyer miles and booked herself a flight to come back to Seattle and help me with the baby while Dave is gone. Totally unselfish of her – not like she isn’t dying for more Grandbaby Time or anything. Ha.

The timing is pretty perfect too, since my mom’s visit will overlap with my cousin’s. And since her mom (my aunt) and baby will be here too, we’ll have our own little “Three Generation Estrogen Fest.” It should be a lot of fun. I normally hate it when Dave goes out of town, but I’m actually pretty excited about it this time.

Um, not that I want him to leave, of course. I’m just looking forward to the family time. I will miss him while he’s gone, though. I always do.

And hey, look! More baby home movies!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J9eD-uw5G3s 
I know, it’s pretty dull because she doesn’t actually do anything. I filmed it mostly for the grandparents’ benefit, since my folks claim to be going through Cate-withdrawal right now.

Btw, that song in the background is the Mozart tune that plays on her little baby gym. They say that it’s good for her mental and emotional development. I don’t know if that’s true, but that song has got to be the most annoying piece of classical music ever created. It’s been stuck in my head for days and it’s about to drive me up the damn wall. So much for my mental and emotional development.

hearts and teddy bears and all that goo

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Scene: last night, our living room. Dave was sitting on the couch with Cate, giving her a bottle. I was sitting on our over-stuffed chair with my laptop, trying to catch up on blogs, because I have fallen hopelessly behind. There was some old sitcom rerun (Friends, maybe? Or Will & Grace? I forget) on the TV. During a commercial break, an ad came on for a local jewelry company.

Dave: Sh*t. When is Valentine’s Day? Tomorrow?

Me: Yep.

Him: Um, happy Valentine’s Day! I sort of forgot to get you a card or a present.

Me: It’s ok, hon, I didn’t get you anything either.

And that pretty much sums it up. Aren’t we just the most romantic couple ever?

Actually, I think we’ve already got our little valentine, and it’s way more precious to me than any bouquet of flowers. Although, to be fair, flowers wouldn’t wake me up at four in the morning demanding food. Which, seriously kid, could you please just eat more during the day so your mommy can sleep for longer than two hours at a time? I’d really appreciate it if you could work on that.

Oh, and happy Valentine’s Day. Now I’m going to take a nap.

lights, camera, action

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I filmed this movie of Cate when she was five days old, and I thought it was so cute, I wanted to get it online immediately. Sadly, our video camera films everything in super high-resolution – which will be fantastic when we want to create home movie DVD’s for all of the grandparents. But for uploading on YouTube? Hmm, not so much.

We ordered some video editing software, so I could save the movie files in lower resolution, therefore making it easier to upload. I thought I would be able to download and install the software, but alas, I was foiled again: it had to be shipped to us. And it took over a week to arrive. But it came in the mail today, so I installed it, and now (finally!!) I give you Cate’s first-ever home movie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PlGMofBVEWc

In other news: my folks flew out this morning, so we’re back to being a household of three for the next few days. Dave’s family gets to town this Sunday, and they’ll be here for two weeks. And then as soon as they leave, my cousin Cat, her mom, and e-baby will be here for a few days. What can I say, our little kiddo is popular. People are flying in from all over to get the chance to meet her.

Oh, and in case you didn’t notice, there are many more new pics on Flickr, mostly courtesy of my sister. She’s so in love with her little niece that she went all Annie Liebovitz on us and snapped about a million photos of Cate. She even considered taking pictures of a diaper change, but… um, no. No need for the Internet to see that, thank you very much. But she did manage to take my favorite picture yet, probably because my sister is the one of the few people on the planet who insists that I put on powder and lipstick before she’ll take a photo of me.

 

Thank god for make-up, because y’all have no idea just how dark the circles under my eyes are right now. Sleep deprivation really doesn’t agree with me, I just happen to have some kick-ass concealer.

meet the grandparents

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Having my parents here this week has been really fun. They are both totally smitten with their first grandbaby, and it’s been hilarious to watch them interact with her. At first, my dad was afraid to hold her because she’s so small, but he got over it quickly. I swear, I don’t think the child’s butt is going to see any type of flat surface until they leave on Monday. My dad acts like we’re abusing her if I put her in the swing for two minutes while I run to the bathroom.

Thanks to my mom, the freezer in our garage is quickly getting filled with all kinds of yummy homemade meals, which I imagine will be a life-saver over the next few months. And she’s been getting up with me and the baby in the middle of the night, doing late-night diaper changes and helping settle Cate back down, so I can squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep, which has been an enormous help.

The only downside is that my dad is acting a bit like a little old lady with his worrywart tendencies. The baby sneezes once, so he freaks out that she must be cold – nevermind that the house is 70 degrees, and she’s wearing long-sleeved footed pajamas and is wrapped up in a thermal receiving blanket. Either that or he worries about the cats coming within ten feet of the baby, that kind of thing. It’s sort of endearing and irritating at the same time.

My brother and sister arrive tomorrow night, and they leave on Sunday. It’s kind of insane that they’re both flying cross-country (my sister from NYC, my brother from North Carolina) for essentially one day, but they both really want to meet their new little niece, and they couldn’t afford to take much time off from work, so they’re just making a weekend trip of it. Whatever works, I guess. I’m really looking forward to seeing them, and I know Cate is going to win them over immediately.

Oh, one random Mommy Fear that has already come true: I fell while carrying the baby. My parents and I were heading out to Target yesterday, I was carrying Cate in the car seat, and I tripped on the stoop in front of the house. I didn’t so much drop Cate, I more just set the car seat down really fast as I fell. The seat flipped over backwards, and Cate seemed a little freaked out when the receiving blanket fell forward and landed on her face, but otherwise she seemed totally fine.

I, on the other hand, didn’t fare so well. I skinned the hell out of my shin and tore a hole in my jeans. And I was all proud of myself for being back in my pre-pregnancy jeans by the time I was one week post-partum. Oh well, I suppose I now have an excuse for my next trip to Old Navy.

9 days old

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Today Cate had her follow-up appointment with the pediatrician. To recap:

Jaundice? Gone. Hooray! I actually predicted that one already, since she isn’t at all yellow anymore.

Weight? Five pounds, 11 and a half ounces. Miss Cate is almost back up to her birth weight now. And it means that she’s been gaining about an ounce a day, which is perfect.

We seem to have been blessed with an extraordinarily easy baby. She only fusses when something is wrong – namely, if she’s hungry, or during diaper-changing time. Oh, and during baths. Girlfriend really doesn’t like to be naked. Which I suppose is logical for someone who has almost no fat on them, she must get cold quickly. But other than that, she’s pretty mellow, she sleeps a lot, eats like a champ, and is just generally awesome.

I think they call these types of first-born babies “gotcha” babies. The parents think, oh hey, this is easy, we can have more of these. And then the second one comes along, and… gotcha! (I can say this with some authority since I am myself a second baby, and I know that I was not at all easy on my parents.)

Speaking of which, my parents are flying in tonight, and will be here for the next week. They are both dying to meet their first grandchild, so it’s pretty exciting. I’m not sure how much the blog will be updated during their visit, since things tend to get hectic when the family is in town. Although who knows, maybe I’ll have lots of free time since I doubt I’ll be allowed to hold the baby at all for the next week while the grandparents work in as much face time with the baby as possible. Either way, I’ll try to keep adding pictures to the Flickr set as often as I can.