better luck next month

I knew this wasn’t going to be our month.

I started charting my cycles again – I even dropped $1.99 on the oh-so-handy iPeriod app for my phone – and I started taking my temperature every morning. Doing that helped me get pregnant with Catie, so why not try it again?

Side note: I lost my basal body temp thermometer sometime during our last two moves. I searched everywhere and couldn’t find it, so I finally bought a new one at Target. Dave saw the package and misread “basal” as “anal” – he wasn’t wearing his glasses, obviously – and he said, “WOW. That’s ONE way to wake up in the morning!” I laughed, but uh… no. (Can you imagine? If I had to do that in order to get pregnant, I’d probably decide that one kid is PLENTY. Jeez.)

Anyway, since I’m charting, I had a pretty good idea of exactly when I ovulated. And I knew our timing was off. I shrugged it off and thought, oh well, no big deal, at least now I sort of have an idea of how to predict it so maybe we’ll get it right next time.

But then, on Sunday, I woke up with a bad headache and really horrible nausea. I mentioned on Twitter and Facebook that I didn’t feel well and immediately got a bunch of “OMG do you think you’re pregnant???” And I thought, well, if I am, surely it’s way too early for symptoms, but… maybe?

By Sunday night, I noticed that the nausea was at its worst when my stomach was empty. As soon as I ate something, I was ok. Which is pretty much exactly what I felt like when I was first pregnant with Catie. I also noticed that my boobs were sore, which is not a typical PMS symptom for me.

Monday was more of the same: more nausea (which was at its worst when I was hungry) and more sore boobs. And I was really weepy about the strangest things. Normally when I’m PMSing, I get irritable, not sad. Huh.

I bought a pregnancy test and took it as soon as I got home. It was negative. But, I thought, it’s still early and I didn’t use my first morning pee like you’re supposed to, so… I guess it’s still remotely possible? I decided I’d wait a few days before I tested again.

This morning, when I took my temperature, I noticed that it had dropped. I knew that wasn’t a good sign.

I started my period a little while ago. Which, you know… it sucks, but I knew, I knew this was coming, right? I knew two weeks ago that the timing was off. So I don’t quite know why I’m so sad about it. But I am. There you have it.

And? I’m still having nausea issues, which at this point, feels like just rubbing salt in the damn wound. Like, ok stomach, I get the point, you win. I’m so sorry for whatever I ate FOUR DAYS AGO that you’re still upset about. You can ease up now.

On the bright side: this means that I don’t have to lie to anyone at BlogHer next week. Dave’s very superstitious about saying anything during the first trimester, and I respect that, but I didn’t know how that would work when I’m surrounded by a bunch of my friends who all know that we’re trying. It’s easy to hide this kind of stuff online; you only talk about what you choose to talk about. In person, things get more complicated. I imagined it going like this:

Bartender: Drink?
Me: No thanks, just water.
*record scratch, stunned silence*
All 2,000 BlogHer attendees: OMG you are totally pregnant!
Me: *blushing and hiding my face because I am a terrible liar*

So, you know, I don’t have to lie about anything. And I’m free to have as many fruity girly cocktails as my drink tickets allow. I guess that’s good.

Silver linings, people. I’ll take ’em where I can get ’em.

24 thoughts on “better luck next month

  1. 🙁 I would have totally loved having a non-drinking buddy for the weekend. Rub my baby belly for luck and stuff when you see me. I know it will happen soon.

    Also thanks so much for the love on my post today, it was exactly what I needed to hear.

    Jen´s last blog post ..Parenting Fail- Parenting FearMy Profile

    • @Jen, I am totally gonna rub your belly for good luck. And I’m a wimp about drinking lately (damn you, old age!) so you probably WILL have a non-drinking buddy for a good portion of the weekend.

  2. I have no doubt that your belly will have a baby in it when it’s ready. And I can’t wait, because I’ll be totally living vicariously through you when it does!! Glad you won’t have to lie in NY and that you’ll be able to have some girly drinks. Have a few for me too, because I am going to miss you and everyone else immensely!!! XOXO
    AmazingGreis´s last blog post ..Tomorrow…My Profile

    • @AmazingGreis, We will definitely be toasting you, and VDog & Mrs. Flinger, and all the other awesome people who aren’t there this year.

  3. I believe like most here you will be pregnant when your body is ready. You’re doing everything, charting, temperature taking, you’ve been really really good about getting healthy so that when you are pregnant the baby will have a strong body to grow in.

    My co-worker is trying to have a baby too. I will send much good juju to you both.

    I also have no doubt about you getting pregnant because, and I’m not kidding, it appears everyone around me and in my life is getting pregnant! I’m going to send their pregnancy juju your way too!

      • @Cindy W, Btw my Aunt’s sister (married into the family) had her period, everything, 4 months later they said hey you’re four months pregnant! She was still taking her birth control, drinking the occasional beer, everything an un-pregnant woman would do. She freaked out because she thought she had done something to the baby. On april fools day during a sonogram they informed her she would be having twins. No lie. The twins are now 17 years old, absolutely beautiful, Nick is smart as a whip and Lexi is smart and just where a 17 yr old should be. (never without a cell phone, lol.)

        Maybe your body didn’t want you to be pregnant during blog her because you had been ill with Catie and lost all your pregnancy wait. Maybe when you come home, jump Dave and you’ll be raring to go! 🙂

  4. I am sorry this month isn’t your month, I hope it is next.
    Also, another good app to get is FertilityFriend, I had it and loved it. It’s great for before, during and after. 🙂
    best of luck and have a blast at blogher. 🙂

    • @laura, Good to know. I like iPeriod so far, it seems pretty detailed, but I’ll check out FertilityFriend too. Thanks!

  5. It’s funny that not having a drink is a clue you are pregnant. It’s the one clue I always miss. I have to admit that I hardly drink anything since we had our twins. Even one drink makes me really, really tired. I’m already tired, so why add to the fun.
    Shari´s last blog post ..Getting ready for our new arrivalMy Profile

    • @Shari, Yeah, same here. Mommy doesn’t get lazy hangover days, so there’s not much point in drinking. If I have more than 2, I’m pretty much going to fall asleep at the table.

  6. When we were trying for the whole stinkin 9 mos for livie I always used “well I can still have wine” as my silver lining every month when I got my period. It’s so tough…TTC. It’s an upward battle til you see that positive test. Good luck and here’s to better timing next month. HAVE FUN AT BLOGHER!
    Becky´s last blog post ..PhotographsMy Profile

    • @Becky, What’s funny is that I did the same thing with Catie. We had a trip planned for New Orleans, and I was planning on drinking hurricanes, and eating raw oysters… and then a week before we left, I found out I was pregnant. We’d been trying for a long time (7 months), so I was happy, but I was still mad I couldn’t eat/drink all the stuff I’d been planning!

      • @Cindy W, OMG yes that happened to me 2 years ago! i got preg right before a big vegas trip with all our friends! so i didn’t get to drink. i was so happy that i didn’t care like you were but yeah…it just figured that it’d happen RIGHT before a big drinking trip lol
        Becky´s last blog post ..PhotographsMy Profile

  7. I’m sorry it didn’t work out. Another silver lining– it’s one more month of being able to sleep through the night. I know it’ll be soon!!

    • @Issa, I know I know. I was having a very bad day when I wrote that. But it’s not like it’s the end of the world. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to happen.

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