on trying new things

Despite the crud that won’t die, the weather this past weekend was gorgeous, and we maximized it by trying to spend as much time outside as possible. Sure, global warming sucks, but getting to wear shorts and flip-flops to the playground in January is pretty awesome.

We spent Sunday at the park with my cousin and her family, and my mom came along too. It was kind of awesome because it was the first time that I wasn’t hyper-vigilantly following both kids around the whole time. Catie had a blast playing with her cousins, so I didn’t need to entertain her at all, and Lucy has decided that she has no fear of climbing on play structures and going down slides by herself. So I sat on a bench, talked with my family, and watched the kids as they ran around and played their hearts out. It was fantastic.

Both of them were filthy and covered in sand by the time we left – Lucy even managed to get sand and bark in her diaper, which? Don’t even ask me how that’s possible. But they were happy and exhausted and everyone slept really well last night.

Little flirt.
Lucy has no idea what I’m talking about with that whole diaper thing. She’s completely innocent. Just look at that face.

But! Before that! On Saturday, since the weather was nice, my parents and I decided to take the kids out on their new bikes that they got for Christmas.

I didn’t get a picture of Lucy on her “bike” (um, tricycle, but she calls it a bike, so whatever), but here it is on Christmas morning.

Lucy and her new tricycle

She doesn’t know how to pedal, but it has a handle that I can push/steer with, so it works.

As for Catie, some backstory first: Catie is cautious to an extreme. The first time you suggest she try something new (a type of food, an activity, whatever), her initial reaction is always to say no. So she was actually kind of upset that Santa brought her a big-kid bike (it’s a two-wheeler with training wheels on it), because she didn’t want one. When I had floated the idea of a bike to her, she said she was “too scared of bikes.”

Once the bike showed up on Christmas morning, she eventually decided that she was ok riding it back and forth across my parents’ kitchen, but she still insisted that she would never, ever ride it outside.

So, my parents put the bikes in their van and brought it to our neighborhood greenway. Catie took one look at the bike and balked. No way was she going to get on it. We tried to reason with her, and she started to have a tantrum about it.

Finally, I said, “Ok, you know what? If you don’t at least try, I’m taking away your iPad for the rest of the weekend.”

The ultimate threat to a nerdy child: that you’ll take away their gadgets.

So she got on the bike, and she immediately loved it. She rode her bike all the way down the greenway to where it ends (at a park with a lake), and after the girls played there for a while, she rode it all the way back.

OMG y'all, she did it! (If you know how cautious Catie is, you know this was a HUGE deal.)

I’m so proud of her. It used to take her a long time to warm up to new ideas, but she’s really getting a lot better about it.

And to that end – the whole “building self-confidence” thing (which has been a problem at kindergarten, too; she just freezes up when she’s asked to try something new for the first time) – I’ve signed her up for martial arts classes. (Huge thank you to Marty for the pass that’s allowing us to try this out for free!)

Her first class is tomorrow. She has said that she doesn’t want to do it, and that she’s just going to watch the first class. Which… um, no, she isn’t. Sorry, kiddo. I’ll hold the iPad hostage again if I have to.

The other motivation for the martial arts class is because I’ve noticed that Catie has a lot of quirks that look like attention deficit disorder, which is not surprising since it runs in both sides of the family. But rather than leaping ahead to getting her tested and on medication, first I thought I’d work on developing her concentration and focus skills this way. I’d rather give her coping mechanisms than drugs.

Of course, I’m not judging and I’m not anti-medication. If it becomes apparent later on down the road that she needs ADD drugs, I’ll certainly give them to her. I just figure that if there are ways to avoid it (or at least postpone it), I should give them a try.

And I have to say, I already can’t wait to see what she looks like in her karate uniform.

Worst. Christmas. Ever.

I feel like I need to try to sum up Christmas somehow, before the year is over. Only I’m not sure where to start. Be warned that I’m writing this under the influence of MANY over-the-counter cold medications. So. Just saying.

Dave’s been here for the past couple of weeks, and we had a pretty well planned-out agreement of how we’d divide up Christmas. I’d take the girls on Christmas Eve because that’s when we do most of the big stuff in my family (we go to church, have a big meal, etc.). And then after the Santa chaos died down on Christmas morning, I’d hand them off to Dave and they’d have a second Santa thing at his place and spend Christmas Day and night with him. Easy enough, right?

(cue foreboding…)

Last Friday (the 21st), while the kids were with Dave and I was happily in my PJs catching up on movies on my DVR, I started to notice that I felt a little weird. My throat felt scratchy. I shrugged it off as me being paranoid since one of the movies I had just watched was Contagion. Power of suggestion, whatever. I went to bed.

I woke up on Saturday and realized that no, I was really sick. Things got progressively worse.

Sunday, I ended up at a walk-in after-hours clinic.

Them: “Did you get a flu shot this year?”
Me: “Umm… I forgot. But I remembered get both of my kids theirs, so that kinda counts as me being a responsible adult, right?”
Them: “Yeah, not really. You have the flu. Go home and go to bed. Here, take this inhaler to help you breathe.”

The girls were with me on Sunday night, and I knew I was in over my head. My family stepped up and kept them at my parents’ house (since my brother and sister were also there to help). I quarantined myself to my house and tried to sleep it off.

Monday was Christmas Eve, and I spent most of the day sick and miserable. My family missed church services because of me, and my mom and sister made Christmas dinner (which is normally my thing). I also realized that our house was in no condition for any visits from Santa Claus. It was a mess, and there was no way I could get it ready in my current state. I told Catie (since Lucy doesn’t understand the Santa thing yet) that I had texted Santa and that he was going to bring her presents to her Mimi & Pop-Pop’s house instead of ours. I got them to bed at my parents’ house for the 2nd night in a row, barely managed to stay conscious long enough to set up the Santa layout at my parents’ house, then drove home and collapsed.

Christmas morning, I dragged myself out of bed before sunrise and got to my parents’ house at 6 a.m. so I’d be there when the girls woke up. They had a great time, and there are pictures of their beautiful happy faces, but they’re on my mom’s camera. I’ll get them someday. I basically lay on the couch having fever sweats while they opened their presents.

I barely managed to hand them off to Dave later on Christmas morning, then I immediately went to bed. Later that day, my fever spiked up to nearly 104, and I was… out of it. Somehow I called my mom, and she and my brother found me on the kitchen floor with my face pressed up against the refrigerator. Which in my head made sense, because my skin felt like it was on fire, and the fridge was cool. My brother picked me up and they got me to the car and off to the ER we went.

Oh, right, here’s the one picture I posted on Christmas Day. How unbelievably joyous, am I right?

Merry Christmas to me.

Chest X-ray and bloodwork showed… yep. Really, really bad case of the flu. They loaded me up with fluids (because I was dehydrated) and pain meds (which I was incredibly grateful for, until the rebound headache kicked in), and then they sent me home.

Btw, if you can avoid going to the ER on Christmas Day? I highly recommend that you do so. It’s not a happy place to be.

All that to say… I’m kind of ok-ish now. The flu part (fever, aches, etc.), that’s all gone, but the cough got worse and turned into a sinus infection/bronchitis combo. And of course, I am now unable to say that I have bronchitis without thinking of Sweet Brown.


Ain’t nobody got time for dat, indeed.

I have to say, Dave has helped out a lot with the kids while I’ve been out of commission. And yeah, ok, he’s the dad, that’s what dads are supposed to do, but whatever. Credit where it’s due. They’ve had so much fun with him over the past couple of weeks, and for that, I am grateful.

And my family just… damn. I don’t even know how I’ll ever be able to thank them enough. I mean, because of their help, we managed to keep the girls’ lives as normal as possible through all of this, and they’re FINE. Better than fine. Catie decreed that it was the “Best! Christmas! Ever!” Which is funny since that’s exactly what she said last year. And they’ve thought that getting to have sleepovers at their grandparents’ house – with bonus aunt and uncles included – was just an awesome treat. So they’ve had a blast.

As for me, I’m waiting for these antibiotics to kick in aaaaaany minute now, and 2012 can just see itself on out the door, thankyouverymuch.

So damn lucky

(Apologies to Dave Matthews for using his song as a blog post title. It was the best I could do.)

I had plans to blog on Friday, and then… well. And then an elementary school in Connecticut got shot up and I spent the rest of the day crying in front of the news.

I don’t have any brilliant insight or words of wisdom here. I’m just as dumbstruck as everyone else.

These school shootings happen way too often, and normally they don’t get to me like this one did. I don’t know why. Maybe because this was an elementary school and the kids were all around Catie’s age. Self-centered worldview, I guess. It just really hit me in my gut.

On Saturday night, we were up late because we had spent the evening at my parents’ house. Lucy has a cold, and it took me a while to get her settled in bed. While she was waiting for me, Catie fell asleep on the couch. Rather than wake her up, I decided to just carry her upstairs to bed. My first thought was how big she is. She’s weighs about twice what Lucy weighs, and when I carry her, her feet dangle past my knees because she’s so tall.

But at the same time, I had this overwhelming sense of how little she is, because even though she’s heavy, she’s still little enough that I’m able to pick her up and carry her up a flight of steps. After I put her to bed, I went to my room and sat on the floor next to my bed, and I cried for all of the parents who don’t get to pick up their “really too big to be carried” babies anymore.

Last month, my friend Laura took some pictures of us for our Christmas cards. (Seriously, if you’re local and need a photographer? Go talk to her.) Today I’m looking at these pictures of my beautiful girls, who are still here with me, and I feel so, so incredibly blessed and lucky to have them.

Catie

Lucy

Lucy and me

me and my Catie-bug

Catie and Lucy

I mean, seriously. How did I ever get so fortunate?

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My lovely friend Victoria lost her nephew Noah Pozner in the Connecticut school shooting on Friday. For info on how you can help Noah’s family, click here.

18 months

There is no November 31st, so Lucy doesn’t technically have a half-birthday. So, sometime in the past few days, Lucy turned 18 months old.

First off, her stats from her pediatrician visit: she’s 32.5 inches tall (75th percentile), 27 pounds (85th percentile), and her head is off the charts. Both of my girls take after me, I’m afraid. Y’all will never be able to pull off hats – sorry, babies.

Meanwhile, her hair is epic.

Can we please discuss the back of Lucy's head? What on earth am I supposed to do with that???

Sometimes I can take to it with a Knot Genie and some No More Tangles and get it under control. And then it looks adorable.

"After" pic: I used No More Tangles spray & the Knot Genie. But it was matted up again by the time we got to daycare. Oy, this child.

It also lasts about five minutes before it looks like that first picture again. Sigh.

We are nowhere near being done with the bottle. I know. I KNOW. The pediatrician has already lectured me about this that we need to ditch the bottle soon, because the longer I let her keep it, the harder it will be down the road.

And I admit that this is an area where I’m weak. She stands at the refrigerator and screams, “Ba-ba!!” And I cave every time. Because I am a single mom, and I am exhausted, and there are two of them and only one of me, and look, let’s face it: the path of least resistance is often the path that I choose.

Look, Ma, no hands. (Also: most kissable belly ever.)

Honestly, pediatrician lectures aside? I just don’t care. If she still has the bottle in kindergarten, I’ll start to worry. I just cannot even fathom trying to tackle that one right now.

Also, if there was any concern that maybe she’s drinking too much milk and not eating enough “real” food? HAAAAA. Girlfriend eats everything. I cannot give her enough fruits and vegetables. Her normal breakfast is often a tomato or a pile of steamed broccoli. Yes, that’s weird, but she asks for it and I’ll be damned if I’m going to say no.

I figure that probably in a year or two, she’s going to refuse all healthy foods and live on a diet of hot dogs and air, so I’ll just load her up with all of the vegetables that she wants right now, and figure that it’ll all balance out in the end.

My parents are still her favorite people in the world, but so is her big sister. Every morning when she comes to get me, the next thing she says is, “Catie night-night?” Yes, baby, Catie is still going night-night. She’ll imitate me with her finger to her lips when I say, “Shhhhh!” so she doesn’t wake her big sister. We’ll head downstairs and turn on cartoons. Pretty soon Catie wakes up and we’ll all pile on the couch together.

Lazy Sunday snuggles. (Catie was kissing Lucy, not biting her.)

I love those few minutes of cuddling with both of them before we have to start getting ready for work/school/daycare.

I’m sure I’ve griped about it plenty, but the past few months have been really rough with Lucy and sleeping. I don’t know why, but she just cannot seem to sleep through the night anymore. I’m now working on sleep training her all over again, which is difficult. I spend a lot of time sitting in the hall, dozing off while leaning against the door of the linen closet.

It’s rough. And there are lots of tears on both of our parts. But hopefully we’ll get through this quickly.

I don’t know how to sum up how funny she is, but man. My mom said she once read an article about birth order, and it talked about how oldest children are often serious, cautious, and work hard in school (which is accurate for both Catie and my sister). And the second child is the “performer” – the article had a photo of a toddler in a top hat with a cane, and my mom said she laughed because that was exactly like me when I was a kid.

So in that sense? Lucy is pretty much my replica. She loves to entertain us by making faces and jokes and just being silly and wacky. Which is pretty much exactly like her mama.

Sometimes a girl just needs to run around in her birthday suit and some 3D glasses. Don't judge.

(Granted, I don’t usually run around naked wearing only 3D glasses. Anymore.)

(Or at least, if I do, you won’t find pictures of it on the Internet.)

She got sick over Thanksgiving (sinus infection), and it was bad because she was trying so hard to still be our little entertainer, but she could only do it for a little while before she’d collapse in tears. It was rough. Luckily she’s all better now. And thank goodness, because I really missed my little goofball.

Happy half-birthday, Lucy-goose. I can’t wait to see what comes next.

Transitions.

Random stuff from this weekend:

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My sister was here this weekend, and my mom and I went shopping for wedding dresses with her. That was… oh, man. It was bad. Two things:

1. Wedding dress sample sizes. I forgot how they’re all teeny-tiny (they say it’s a size 10 but it’s more like a 6), and they expect regular girls to somehow squeeze into these tiny dresses and try to get an idea of whether or not the same dress in our actual size (which is at least 2 sizes bigger than what we wear in regular clothes, because I guess wedding dress designers really like to screw with a woman’s self-esteem on the single most special day of her life by making her feel like a moose) will look good on us.

God, y’all, poor Tracy. I had been all, “Yay! Dress shopping! Fun!” Then as soon as she started putting them on, I was like, “ohhhh, PTSD, dude.” I feel so bad for not warning her in advance. I forgot about all of the bridal shops that I cried in because I hated the way I looked in all of their dresses. I swear it’s more traumatic than swimsuit shopping. At least in a swimsuit, you can think, “Ehh, I’ll blend in at the pool, no biggie.” In a wedding dress, you KNOW everyone is going to be looking at you. It’s horrible.

2. If you are a bride-to-be who is going shopping for anything wedding-related, you should perhaps think twice before inviting along someone who’s been divorced for all of a month. Bitterness and cynicism, party of two, your table is ready!

I fear I am a terrible, terrible maid of honor. Sigh.

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The girls have done really well this time after Dave left. Catie was a little sad on Friday, but then my sister showed up on Friday night, and she was pretty well distracted after that. Lucy has asked for, “Daddy? Daddy?” a couple of times, but I just say, “Nope, Daddy’s not here right now,” and she accepts that and moves on without freaking out.

Like last time, I told Catie that on Sunday, we could do something fun, and she could choose what our adventure would be. She picked the North Carolina History Museum. I swear I don’t know where this little nerd child of mine comes from, but I love her for it. The entire trip cost me the gas to get downtown and a whopping 51 cents so she could use one of those machines that flattens a penny and imprints it with a design (in this case, it was an airplane – the whole North Carolina “First in Flight” thing).

Oh these girls.

So, they’re doing really well. Which has been a huge relief.

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I broke up with The Guy last night. Via text message, because I am a coward when it comes to confrontations. There’s so much of the story that I don’t want to share, because only half of the story is mine, and I can’t speak for him.

I’ll say this: I spent years of my life trying to bend myself to make myself fit into the mold of what I thought the man I was with wanted me to be. (Not Dave’s fault, I take responsibility for that myself.) I realized that I was doing the same thing with him, just in a completely different way. And I can’t – no, I’m not willing to – live like that anymore.

It sucks, and I’m upset about it. At the same time, in the grand scheme of failed relationships of my life? I’m not sure if this one even registers on the Disaster Scale.

But that’s that. I’m thinking I’m going to take the holidays to focus on my girls and maybe a little more self-care (working out, meditating, whatever I need to do to feel more like “me” again), and then take it from there.

Onward we go, right?

A very dino Halloween

Halloween was especially fun this year, since it was Lucy’s first time getting to trick-or-treat. Technically, she went along last year, but I carried her in the Baby Bjorn the entire time, so that didn’t really count.

I was thinking that since Lucy’s favorite thing in the world right now is the TV show Yo Gabba Gabba, I might dress her up as one of the characters. I was thinking that DJ Lance would’ve been hilarious, and Foofa would’ve worked too. Her favorite character on the show is Muno, but I’m sorry, I can’t bring myself to dress my child up as a character that looks like a giant knobby red dildo. I just can’t. It’s bad enough that she sleeps with a plush version of him, I already worry about what that’s doing to her tiny toddler psyche.

But then, Catie wanted to be a dinosaur (again – this is kind of a recurring theme for her), and she asked if Lucy could be a dinosaur too. And, well, quite honestly, the idea of big and little dinosaurs was too cute for me to pass up.

I didn’t really get good pictures of the two of them together because they were constantly on the move, but…

Catie, my big scary dinosaur:

Catie the dinosaur at the daycare Halloween party

And Lucy, my tiny baby not-scary dinosaur (although she was happy to “ROAR!” for anyone who asked):

Lucy the baby dinosaur. I die.

I mean, are you kidding me I can’t even.

(As for not being able to get pics of them together? This was pretty much the best one I got:

Catie and Lucy, my big & little dinosaurs

See? Impossible!)

We did the Halloween party and parade at daycare, then went to my parents’ house for dinner, before going out trick-or-treating. We decided to trick-or-treat in my parents’ neighborhood, because the houses are on smaller lots, so they’re closer together, and the area is less hilly than my neighborhood, so I figured it’d be easy for the kids to walk it and hit a lot more houses in a lot less time. (I also figured that Lucy wasn’t going to last too long, since one year-olds aren’t exactly famous for their attention spans.)

Overall, really, it was great. Catie is old enough now that she knows the drill of saying “trick or treat!” and “thank you!” at every house. She’s a pro now and was totally easy all night.

Lucy wouldn’t say trick-or-treat, but every time someone gave her candy, she’d wave and say, “bye-bye!” and then blow them a kiss. So, yeah, pretty much the cutest thing ever, and she got a lot of “Awwwwww!”s from other parents.

Catie declared this to be the “Best Halloween EVER!!” Which is funny since that’s also what she said last year, and I’m guessing it’s likely what she’ll say next year.

The kids took a while to come down from their sugar highs and go to sleep, but they’re snuggled in their beds now, probably dreaming about cute little dinosaurs and chocolate.

I think I’ll go join them.

Happy Halloween, everybody.