Category Archives: Blah-blah-blah

how to avoid getting hauled off to the pokey

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This past weekend was pretty low-key. Since Dave and I have been doing more than our fair share of home improvements over the past few weeks, we decided that this holiday weekend would be literally that, a holiday. We really didn’t do much of anything, we watched a lot of “Sopranos” on DVD (I now have Dave hooked), played a lot of video games, and took a lot of naps. It was lovely.

Friday night, however, we went to a Canada Day party at the home of one of Dave’s co-workers and his wife. Obviously, they’re Canadian, but we like them anyway. (That’s a joke! I love Canadians! Don’t send me hate mail!) I had a really good time. I had a headache so I volunteered to be our designated driver, which was fun for me because I hardly ever see Dave get drunk. On the rare occasions that he does have a few too many, you can almost guarantee that I’ve had twice as much, so I tend not to notice his drunkenness when I myself am bombed out of my skull. But on the night when all I was drinking was water, it was pretty obvious how much he had imbibed, and it was damn funny. They started playing some sort of drinking game that involves cards, and I think everyone was pretty much completely hammered after that. Good times.

The odd thing about the evening was that well over half of the people in attendance (including me) had lived in Memphis at some point. How they all ended up at a Canada Day party in the Pacific Northwest is beyond me. One of the women there even graduated from the University of Memphis at the same time as me – she majored in a completely different area, so I didn’t know her, but that was still a very odd coincidence. Greatest line of the night, which only my fellow southerners will understand:

Drunk southern guy (talking about the drinking game they were playing): “How did I lose?? I have all kings and aces!”
Slightly-less-drunk southern girl: “Because you’re not in Tunica, jackass!”

On the way home, I got pulled over for running a red light. I was really tired so I admit that I might not have been at my most attentive, but I’m still not sure if I believe that the light was really red or if the cop just wanted to mess with me. But I managed to get off with a warning, thanks to some ever-so-useful tips that I got in college from my friend Becky. She once got pulled over when I was with her – we were 21 at the time and had both been drinking – and the cop let us go without even asking us if we were drunk. These are the tips she gave me on how to avoid tickets, which I have never forgotten, and which I shall now share with you:

1. Be polite. Always say “sir” or “ma’am.”

2. Turn the engine and the radio off as soon as you pull over.

3. Have your window rolled down and your license out by the time the cop gets to the window.

4. Don’t lie and act like you don’t know what you did, just apologize. Or in my case, I genuinely didn’t know what I had done, but when he told me, I told him that if he said that I ran the red light, then I must have, and I was very sorry.

That’s it, really. He looked at my license, asked me if I was heading home to Duvall. I said “yes, sir,” and he told me to be careful because there were a lot of drunks on the road. (I suppose that’s true anytime on a Friday night after midnight, but particularly so on holiday weekends.) I told him that was the reason why I was driving, because my husband had had a few drinks earlier, and I gestured over at Dave in the passenger seat. He thanked me for doing my part (!) and told me to drive safely. The end. Politeness works, folks. Say thank you to Becky the next time this works and you successfully get out of a ticket.

want to take my mid-life crisis for a spin?

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I generally don’t write anything here about work, ever since I got paranoid after hearing about people like Dooce and the Sarcastic Journalist who got fired for blogging about their jobs. So this technically isn’t a post about my job, but there is a very strange phenomenon with the culture here at the Giant Software Company that I find fascinating. There seems to be an awful lot of employees here – almost exclusively male, from my observation – who have made insane amounts of money in their careers, and they spend it on things that most of us would never even think about spending our hard-earned money on. I mean, sure there are all the geek toys, and I suppose that’s inherent with any software company, that the nerds have to outdo each other as far as who has the newest/coolest laptop, cell phone, digital camera, PDA, whatever. For anyone who knows the passion that I have for my iPod, it’s clear that I am guilty of this too, to some extent. But then, some purchases are just dumb. For example, I’ve seen several people riding around on those silly-looking Segway scooter things. So not only do you look like an idiot, you look like an idiot who wasted $5K because your ass is too lazy to walk from your office to the men’s room. And we wonder why the obesity epidemic is spiraling out of control in this country. Right.

But then, there are the luxury sports car guys. These guys are in a class totally by themselves. They are outta control with the money that they spend on cars. Until I moved to this part of the country, I had never seen a Lotus in real life, and now I see them on a semi-regular basis. If you drive through any of the parking garages here at the Giant Software Company, sure, you’ll find lots of standard-issue sedans, mini-vans and the like – even the occasional hybrid, God bless ’em – but then there are all of these insanely overpriced sports cars. They’re usually parked in the isolated parts of the garage where no one else parks, far away from the other cars, because the owners don’t want to risk that another car might park next to them, carelessly open their door and scratch their precious automobile. (When I was thinking about this post in my head, I thought “car thief’s dream” to describe the parking garages here. Then I remembered that there are security cameras everywhere, so um, perhaps not.) I’m not saying that there’s necessarily anything wrong with owning a luxury sports car, but to have one as your daily commute-to-work vehicle? Seems a bit silly to me. It’s not like these are fuel-efficient cars, so why drive them every day? Unless… oh wait, that’s right. The whole point of owning it is to show off in a “looky-look at what I can afford!” kind of way. Which in my opinion? Is really pathetic.

This became really evident to me this morning when I was driving to work. I was stuck in traffic at a red light. In front of me, there was a Porsche Boxster convertible. To my right, there was a BMW Z3, also a convertible. Both cars had their tops down – which, ok fine, it was 65 degrees and sunny. Both drivers were white males, who looked like they were in their 40’s, and they both had parking decals that indicated that they work at the same company as myself. I started mentally playing “who’s the bigger asshole?” in my head.

– Porsche guy – full head of gray hair: 1 point
– BMW guy – brown hair, but he’s losing it fast: 1 point
– Porsche guy – Oakley “yeah, I look cool” sunglasses (I could see him pretty well in his rearview mirror): 1 point
– BMW guy – pretty standard, non-flashy sunglasses, look like they might be prescription: 0 points
– BMW guy – also wearing a really dorky plaid shirt: 0 points (I could subtract points for this instead of just giving him zero, but I can’t see what Porsche guy is wearing to compare)
– Porsche guy – is that an earring that I see reflected in his sideview mirror???: 5 points
– Porsche guy – oh wait, I think he just has a weirdly-shaped earlobe: -5 points
– Porsche guy – talking on his cell phone (the person on the other end must love him for that, all that wind from his convertible hitting the receiver): 1 point
– BMW guy – takes a sip out of a Starbucks cup: 1 point
– BMW guy – tries to speed up and cut us all off as soon as the light turns green: 1 point

So, they were both equal assholes, but in different ways. I’m not sure what the lesson to be learned is in this scenario, except that if you’re a man of a certain age, there are certain automobiles that you should not be caught driving, because women in their 20’s (who, presumably, are at least one of the target demographics that you’re trying to impress) will make fun of you on their blogs. The end.

good things

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Almost a week and no new post. What can I tell you, life is good but there’s not a whole lot going on right now. And the couple of (minor) bad things aren’t really things that I want to talk about here. So, here’s a rundown of some recent happy stuff:

I’ve exercised 3 out of the past 4 days. Sunday, I went for a bike ride. Monday, I ran several errands after work (AND cooked dinner, thank you) so I took the night off. Tuesday, I went for a walk. And last night, I rode my bike again. Considering that I haven’t worked out very much over the past few months, it’s not really all that surprising that I’m now sore as hell. I almost had to get Dave to carry me up the stairs last night when I went to bed. Ouch.

Also, we bought bedroom furniture over the weekend, and it’s getting delivered today. For those of you who have not been privy to see the inside of our bedroom, allow me to give you a quick rundown of its current furnishings:
1) A bed – which I helped Dave pick out last year long before I moved in, so it’s a really nice, super-comfy bed.
2) A TV, which is not on a table, oh no, but a TV tray. The cable box, DVD player, etc., are all on the floor. We are so classy.

So after the furniture guys arrive today, in our bedroom we shall add to our collection:
3) An armoire in which to hide the TV and all of its accoutrements.
4) A bureau – no more keeping my underwear in a box in the closet! Hooray!
5) Two nightstands
6) A trunk to put at the foot of the bed, which will serve as storage, as well as a nice jumping point to help my arthritic little Teenie get on and off the bed.

So I’m very happy about that, and I’m already planning my weekend around setting up all the new furniture. In other big-shopping news, Dave got a new pc, so I’m going to set up his old one for my parents. Their current computer is about 6 years old, so I’m finally (FINALLY!) going to get them off of Windows 98. My motivation for wanting to upgrade them is perhaps a bit more selfish than you might think. The main reason why I’m so eager to get them a new computer is because Windows XP has that nifty Remote Assistance feature, which should make all future tech support calls from my parents much less of a headache. Hoo-freakin’-ray!

bom dia, voce fala o portugues?

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Our housekeeper came yesterday, which means I left for work and the house was dirty, and by the time I came home, it was clean. I have to say, it is an awesome feeling to come home to a clean house and to know that there is nothing you have to do to tidy it up. It feels totally self-indulgent and wonderful – like a long bubble bath on a Sunday afternoon. (Which is something that I haven’t done for quite some time, and I really should.) One thing that hadn’t occurred to me, however, is the immigration status of our housekeeper. The first two times she came to the house, I paid her with a check, and she didn’t say anything. Yesterday, she called to let me know she was going to come at noon instead of at 9 a.m. (not a big deal, she has a key), and she asked if from now on, I could pay her in cash. Somehow I just never stopped to think that maybe she’s not here legally, which means she wouldn’t have I.D., which would make having a bank account, or even just cashing a check, difficult for her. I suppose it’s also possible that this is just a side business and she doesn’t want to declare the income on her taxes. The conversation left me feeling rather guilty that I hadn’t thought about her situation earlier, like I should have been more considerate and asked her up front how she wanted to be paid. Oddly, though, it didn’t occur to me to feel guilty about the thought of assisting a possibly illegal alien or the fact that I may be helping someone to avoid paying taxes until much later. I guess I have a skewed sense of ethics – my loyalty tends to be more toward individuals rather than government institutions. If that makes me a bad person, so be it.

Anyway, since I have a clean house (woo!), we’re having some friends over for dinner tonight. It’s one of Dave’s co-workers and his wife – I’ve met them a few times now, they were at our wedding, and I like them a lot. I hope the wife and I get to bond some more, because lord knows I need some girlfriends around here. Ever since I cut off Psycho Krissy earlier this year (btw, did I ever tell that story? I’m not sure that I did, and she doesn’t read this blog, so if you want to know, I’ll tell you), my total number of girlfriends in the state of Washington has been a big fat zero. Poor me. All of my girlfriends seem to be either in the south or on the east coast, no one in my time zone. Well, that’s not entirely true – my friend Leslie moved to Sacramento recently, but that’s still a few hundred miles away so it’s not like I can go shopping with her on the weekends or anything. And Dave is ok for shopping, but he gets bored quickly, and (as I tell him every time he turns his nose up at something that I love) he just Doesn’t Understand Fashion. So here’s hoping that I make some new girlfriends soon.

P.S. The subject line loosely translates to, “Good day, do you speak Portuguese?” Since our housekeeper is Brazilian, it seemed appropriate.

newlywed weekend excitement

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As far as my plans for a big exciting weekend that would make for a great blog entry? Yeah, not so much. We went to a little local festival, which was sort of interesting in a “gee, they have funnel cake, but no ferris wheel, what gives?” kind of way. We sat around and people-watched for a while, listened to a semi-OK band, and ate junk food. Then we went home and took a nap. The end. After we woke up, we went shopping and bought a bike rack that will fit on both of our cars – yay! And then it rained for the rest of the weekend so we couldn’t actually ride our bikes – boo!

Sunday, Dave didn’t feel well, so I went shopping by myself. Through the wonders of discount stores, I managed to find myself a nice little summer wardrobe collection for a relatively small amount of money. So that was fun. Then I came home and cleaned (well, not really, I just moved stuff out of the way for the housekeeper, who comes tomorrow) while simultaneously watching “Raising Helen“. Has anyone else seen this? I’m still not sure if I liked it or not. Then, Dave and I went to the supermarket (oooh, see what an exciting, fast-paced life we lead?) and rented that Lemony Snicket’s thing. I think two movies in one day about children who are orphaned after both parents are killed in some horrible freak accident is a bit too much for me. During the second movie, I started making plans in the back of my mind of who will take custody of my as-yet-unconceived children, should Dave and I die in a car accident or a fire or whatever. Because you know what? My kids are not going to end up with either Jim Carrey OR Kate Hudson, and that’s final. Maybe Billy Connolly. But we’ll see.

In other news… Well, there isn’t much other news, except that I don’t feel well today. Dave had some co-workers from out-of-state visiting last night, so he had to go out to dinner with them and do the whole corporate entertainment thing. And since I knew I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep without him, I took 2 over-the-counter sleep aids instead of my usual one. (Awww, isn’t that sweet? Seriously, it’s not like he has to be in bed with me for me to fall asleep, I just get freaked out when I’m in the house by myself. I know I’ve mentioned this before.) So today I have this weird, fuzzy, Tylenol PM-induced hangover, and it’s basically impossible for me to concentrate on anything. Fun! Only 3 hours left of my workday. Sigh.

P.S. I’ve added some more photos to the rehearsal & wedding albums, courtesy of my mom. Unless you’re in them, you probably won’t care. But hey, this is the best picture I have so far of my dress, at least until I get the pics from our wedding photographer. Enjoy.

nesting

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This week has been pretty low-key since the in-laws have departed. Dave and I have been enjoying having the house to ourselves again, and I think we’re going through some kind of cocooning phase. It’s nice. But to that end, there isn’t a whole lot going on right now that would qualify as good blog material. So instead, I’ve updated my sidebar to include a whole bunch of other blogs that I compulsively read almost daily. You might notice, if you click on the links, that a lot of them are what one might call “mommy blogs”. Don’t read too much into that. I’ve already been accused of being pregnant once this week, and I did not respond too kindly to it. Yes, Dave and I want to have kids at some point, but it’s going to be a while before that happens. We probably won’t even start trying until next year at the earliest. So simmer down. When I get knocked up, believe me, Internet, you’ll be the first to know. Meanwhile, the mommy blogs that I’ve linked to just happen to be written by some very funny and creative women. That’s all.

In other news, there will be more wedding photos posted soon, as my mom just sent me a CD with all of her pictures on it. (I was going to post them today, but I left the CD at home.) I know that seems like an odd way to receive digital pictures, but believe me, if you had to try to explain to my mother how to copy files onto her hard drive and then add multiple attachments to an email, you would end up telling her to go to Wal-Mart and have them put the pictures on a damn CD and just send the blasted thing through the regular ol’ postal service. Which is exactly what I did.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. I’ll try to do something interesting that will make this blog worth reading on Monday.

routine? really?

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The in-laws fly back to the UK tomorrow. It’s kind of a strange feeling. I mean, on the one hand, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know Steve over the last 3 months, and I think it was really healthy for Dave and Steve, because they didn’t really know each other as adults. So this time has been really good for them because it seems like they’re genuinely friends now, not just brothers. And it was fun to visit with Mags and meet her new boyfriend, Roger. She seems very happy and he seems to be good for her, so that’s wonderful. But at the same time, Dave and I haven’t had more than a day or two on our own for three whole months. So, as good as this visit has been, I’m also really excited to have it back to being just the two of us.

It’s very odd to think of how much my life has changed since the beginning of this year. As of January, I went from living alone for the past 6 years in a series of small, one-bedroom apartments, to living with someone in a large 4-bedroom house, in a town that’s smaller than anywhere I’ve ever lived. And can I just say how much easier it is to keep a one-bedroom apartment clean, as opposed to an entire huge house? The dusting alone is enough to wear me out. So that was already a shock to my system, but then almost as soon as I was getting used to the idea of living with a guy, along comes Steve and I’m suddenly living with two guys. Who tend to be kind of messy. And it isn’t just my space anymore, I have to compromise and share and be reasonable. Which are not things that I’m used to. At all. So it’s been sort of hard for me.

Also, back in February, Dave and I were just starting to get settled into a daily life routine – we’d get home from work in the evenings, go to the gym, come home, cook dinner, watch a little TV and go to bed. After Steve got here, everything shifted. Sometimes we’d cook dinner, most of the time not. The gym suddenly vanished from our to-do list. Plus we’ve had a million other things going on with the home improvement projects, the wedding, the house refinancing to pay for the home improvements and wedding, etc. But now that’s all done. I’m hoping that once we get used to Life as a Couple again, we’ll re-establish that healthy pattern that we were starting to settle into before Steve arrived. Especially with working out, because I sit in an office all day and don’t really get any exercise at work, and I know that when I’m exercising regularly, I’m generally an all-around happier person. So, here’s hoping.