my girly girl

I blogged a while back about Catie trying to sort of find her place in the world because of her less-girly, more-nerdy interests, and it’s funny to me how on the flip side of that, Lucy could not be more different. She is the epitome of the girly-girl.

While Catie has always been a Daddy’s Girl, Lucy is basically my mini-me. And I don’t mean that she looks like me — although if you put my baby pictures next to hers, it’s a little unsettling to see visual proof that I kind of gave birth to myself. But her personality is a lot like mine when I was a little girl: total goofball who wants to make everyone laugh, a little shy with new people but total snuggle-bug with the people she loves, and she has an insane imagination and acts out elaborate stories with her toys.

She’s my little shadow who wants to follow me everywhere. When I’m in the bathroom putting my make-up on, she wants to sit on the counter and play with my make-up too. I usually let her use some of my brushes/powder puffs. She likes the textures, the sensation of how they feel, but there’s no color or anything that will show up on her face. I bought her a Little Mermaid chapstick, mainly to keep her out of my lipstick, and she loved it. After she put the chapstick on about 15 times, I told her that was enough and we needed to put it away. A few minutes later, I found her hiding behind the couch with her chapstick, frantically reapplying it as fast as she could.

Lucy loves her baby dolls. She pretends to change their diapers and feed them, she tucks them in with their blankies, it’s really cute. And I say that as someone who generally finds baby dolls to be borderline creepy, but it’s still pretty sweet. And another example of how she’s different from Catie, because Catie has always loved stuffed animals, but could not give less of a crap about babies.

But Lucy’s main interest right now? Disney princesses. More specifically, Frozen. Lucy is all-Frozen, all-the-time. She loves other Disney princesses too, like Rapunzel and Sleeping Beauty because “they have yellow hair like me!”, but let’s face it, the majority of the merchandise you see in stores right now is Frozen, so that’s the main thing on her little 3 year-old radar.

Back at Halloween, she couldn’t decide if she wanted to be Elsa or Anna, and my mom ended up buying both costumes, thinking we’d return one the day after Halloween.

Sometimes you need to put an Elsa costume over your PJs. It happens.

Well, we haven’t returned either of them. Because she wears one of those costumes every single day. At least we’re getting our money’s worth out of them? I’ve made the rule that she can’t wear her costumes either to bed or to daycare, but other than that, she is always either Elsa or Anna.

Princess Anna is sorting stickers. (And needs a hairbrush.)

Seriously. All the time.

I bought the "My PlayHome: School" app & put it on both iPads. Haven't heard a peep out of either of them since.

My mom even made her a pink cape that looks like the one Anna wears in the movie.

My mom made Lucy a cape to go with her Princess Anna costume. She's a big fan.

Lucy’s Frozen obsession has gotten so severe that she – my child who used to scream when I approached her with a hairbrush – now regularly asks me to braid her hair. Sometimes she wants one long braid (“just one Elsa braid!”) or two (“like Anna wears!”).

On the up side: I’m getting really good at hair braiding.

(Don’t get me started about how the Anna costume went missing for a few days, and Lucy was distraught, and Dave and I were frantically texting each other, “Have you found it? I thought it was with you! I’ve looked everwhere!” Turns out Lucy had packed up her Hello Kitty suitcase with her Anna costume, as well her Anna and Kristoff Barbie dolls, because I don’t know, she was planning some type of Frozen-themed vacation and didn’t tell anyone?)

The main things on her Christmas list for Santa this year are all Frozen-related. Sure, she also wants a baby doll with its own stroller, but Frozen stuff is still top of the list.

And the thing is, I guess in theory I should be getting tired of it. I hear other parents talk all the time about how they’re so sick of the movie and the soundtrack and all of it, but I’m honestly not. I feel like this stage where she’s obsessed with princesses is so short and fleeting, and I just want to revel in it while it lasts.

Watching a movie with friends. (Yeah, she's wearing her Elsa costume over her clothes again.)

I know the time is rapidly approaching when she’ll be more influenced by what her peers like, and all of the princess stuff will be dismissed as boring, dumb, and/or “just for babies” (which is what Catie says about princesses, although I have totally caught her secretly belting out “Let It Go” on more than one occasion).

So if Lucy wants to dictate to me whether I’m supposed to sing the Elsa or Anna part of “For the First Time in Forever,” well, I’ll be damned if I’m going to argue with her.

"For the First Time in For-oopsies." (This is high comedy among the 3 year-old set.)

A video posted by Cindy W (@poobou) on

As great as I think it is that Catie sort of bucks traditional gender roles with her love of science and video games and all that stuff? I think it’s equally great that Lucy is a total princess-y girly girl. I don’t think one thing is more valid than the other. (I know the Disney princesses have some questionable at best feminist values in their movies, but I also know that most of us grew up with Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella — not to mention Barbie dolls — and for the most part, we all turned out ok.)

Mainly, I love seeing how Catie and Lucy are their own unique little people, how they’ve each individually gravitated toward the stuff that they like, and how they’re both just completely funny and wonderful in totally different ways.

Procrastination Placeholder Post

Thanksgiving is tomorrow, and I’m starting to panic a little about all the things I need to get done today, so it seemed like a good time to put off everything on my to-do list by writing a blog post.

I had the girls last weekend, and I try to plan outings for us whenever they’re with me, but I had a little bit of a hard time trying to figure out something fun for us to do.

On Saturday, Catie wanted to go to Dave’s. He joined a gym that has an indoor pool, and she wanted to go swimming. He didn’t mind taking her, and I think it’s good for her to get some one-on-one time with her dad, so I said ok. Lucy wanted to go see my parents (she likes being the only grandchild, it means she gets ALL the attention), so I took her over to their house, and went for a long run.

I’m trying to do my long runs on the weekends to train for the half-marathon. And even though I don’t technically have to start a training plan until next month, I want to get a jump on it now, because I’m pretty sure there are going to be days in January and February where I wimp out on doing the super-long runs.

I was only planning on going maybe 7 or 8 miles, like I have the last few weekends, but I was mentally calculating the distance from my parents’ house, rather than my house, and math isn’t my strong suit, so… well.

teeeeeen miiiiiiiles
I ran over 10 miles. And THAT is not a sentence I ever thought I’d type.

By Sunday, I had figured out a fun outing for me, Chris, and the kids. We headed downtown to the NC Museum of Natural Science (where we had Catie’s birthday party), because I had gotten an email that they were having a special exhibit called “The World’s Largest Dinosaurs.” Sounds totally up Catie’s alley, no? And it was great.

The girls got to sit in a model of a dinosaur footprint.

2 girls in a dinosaur footprint. #WLDinoNC

And they got to dig for (fake) fossils.

From this afternoon: serious excavation work happening at the science museum dino exhibit. Even though Lucy doesn't really understand the concept of goggles. #WLDinoNC

It really was the perfect type of thing for Catie, even though Lucy got a little bored and whiny about it. (She was more excited about going up and down the escalators over and over.)

At one point, there was a little movie about a dinosaur, and the girls sat on the floor to watch it. Then this happened, and I damn near melted.

These moments don't happen often, but they sure are sweet. Watching a movie about dinosaurs at the NC Museum of Natural Sciences.

That kind of thing doesn’t happen often, but it’s pretty great when it does.

The kids have been with Dave the last couple days, but I get them back tonight and I’ll have them through Thanksgiving. My brother and his girlfriend are coming over from Charlotte, so I’m excited to see them.

Oh, and my cleaning ladies come today, which is my favorite thing about every other Wednesday. Having a clean house right before a holiday? Even better.

And now I’ve got to get started on all these side dishes I need to prep before tomorrow…

running, working, family-ing

I registered for a half-marathon. I’m kind of back and forth between super-excited and also completely terrified, because I have literally never done any kind of official race at all. Like, not even a 5K. And it’s not even about trying to compete with other people for me, because I know I’m an “average at best and actually pretty slow” runner. It’s more that I just want to prove to myself that I can do it — that I am capable of running 13.1 miles — if that makes sense.

The Betty Rocker workout challenge in October definitely helped boost me a lot, and I’m still using her workouts a couple days a week for strength training. I’ve also lost about 6 pounds since October 1st, which wasn’t something I was actively working on, but you won’t hear me complain about it.

In related news: all of my disposable income is now being spent at sporting goods stores (I need workout clothes so I can run through the winter months), which is further proof of how we change as we get older, and how 20-something me wouldn’t even recognize 38 year-old me.

(Oh, the race is next spring, after my birthday. So I’ll be 39 when I run my first half-marathon. That’s… probably not something normal people do, I’m guessing.)

I will try not to talk about it too much because blah blah blah nobody cares about my workout regimen. But it’s kind of A Big Thing that’s on my mind right now.

no1currr
(Added because it’s one of my favorite GIFs of all time.)

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I don’t talk about it much here, but my job has been so good lately. I changed managers a few months ago, when my manager moved to a different team (I can’t remember if I ever blogged about that or not). I was initially really nervous about it, because my new manager is a guy that I’ve worked with for the entire four years that I’ve been at this company, but I could never figure out whether or not he liked me. But the transition has been very easy, and we have a really great working relationship now.

Last month, I had my first performance review since changing managers, and I got some really great feedback, as well as a raise. I feel like I’m insanely fortunate to have a job that I enjoy, and get to work with people I really like.

Work has also gotten a lot busier recently, which is part of the reason the blog has been so quiet lately. But it’s all good stuff there.

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Oh, and I got more pictures back from our family picture day, and I just… my god, I don’t know how I got so lucky to have these two beautiful little girls.

girls_serious_faces

They’re so different, and so much alike. They are each their own individual little people, and they are delightful.

The other day, I thought about how when I was pregnant with Catie, and we first found out she was a girl, I was terrified, because I didn’t know if I’d be a good mom for a girl. I’m not a super girly-girl type, and I have so many body image issues of my own that I was afraid I’d project onto a little girl, and I just thought I’d be terrible at it.

(Funny thing: it was the opposite when I was pregnant with Lucy. By that point, I was scared of having a boy, because having a girl was all I knew. That time, I was relieved to find out we were having another girl. I was like, “oh, another one of these? Ok yeah, I got this.”)

I think Catie and Lucy are proof that we get the kids we’re supposed to have. Because they’ve expanded my horizons and my worldview so much, and the fact that I can now have extensive conversations about both dinosaur fossils and Disney princesses without batting an eye? I think that just makes me a more well-rounded person than I was before I had kids.

me and my girls

Oh, this guy of mine is pretty great, too.

me and Chris

(Side note: that picture was so awkward to take — “look over our shoulders at each other, say what now?” — but I really love the way it turned out.)

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to reading online reviews of running shoes, because apparently that’s the type of thing I do with my free time now. Yeah, I’m a weirdo. I know.

street harassment in the suburbs

Ok, I assume by now that everyone has seen the viral video of the woman getting repeatedly harassed walking around in NYC, right?

If you have 5 minutes to spare, I highly recommend checking out Jessica Williams’ take on street harassment on the Daily Show. Because it’s both hilarious and really sadly accurate.

Now, I live in the suburbs where there isn’t a lot of pedestrian traffic, so this type of thing doesn’t happen often to me, and I also think that maybe I’ve aged out of the demographic that gets harassed? As a general rule, most guys aren’t going to make a gross comment to a middle-aged woman who’s got two kids with her.

Except! When I’m out running. Because it’s pretty much the only time I’m out on a public sidewalk by myself. And it still isn’t a regular occurrence, because my neighborhood is pretty quiet. The only people I pass on the sidewalk are usually little old ladies walking their dogs. But one of my running routes takes me down a semi-busy street, and it’s happened a few times where guys honked or yelled “hey baby!” out of their car window as they drove past.

And I mean, in theory, that’s harmless enough, right? It’s supposed to be a compliment. But it PISSES ME OFF. Here’s why:

Something that will come as a surprise to no one who knows me: I tend to be what one might call a chronic over-thinker. It’s part worrywart, part ADD, part… I don’t even know. This has been something I’ve dealt with off and on since high school, but it’s definitely gotten worse as I’ve gotten older. I usually have to take something to help me sleep at night because I get what I call my “head-spinny thing,” where basically my mind just races and I can’t shut it off. While sometimes my racing thoughts veer toward the negative (“oh hey, my job has been going really great, but I’ll bet I’m going to goof up that one thing and get fired,” etc.), a lot of times it’s just… noise. Like, I make to-do lists. I lie in bed and I can’t fall asleep because I’m trying to make a mental list of the things I need to get at the grocery store the next day, or that I need to do laundry, or that I need to make sure Lucy has spare clothes for her cubby at daycare. Stupid, menial task lists. They just go around in circles and never quiet down.

One of the things I love about running is that it’s the one time that my brain shuts the hell up. The only thing I’m thinking about is the sidewalk in front of me, and concentrating on my feet and my breath, and that’s it. Don’t get me wrong, running hurts and sometimes I hate it, but when I can get in my mental zone and lose myself to nothing but the music in my earbuds, it’s really nice. That’s the part that makes me stick with it, I miss that quiet time on the days I don’t run.

So, if I’m in my happy little headspace, and some dude honks at me? It throws me off, and it makes me self-conscious. Which makes me angry. This is my ONE TIME of the day that I can shut out the rest of the world, and some douchebag driving past me at 45 mph just ruined it.

If there are any guys reading this (which is doubtful at best)? Here’s a list of times when it’s appropriate to honk at me while I’m running:

  • If you’re about to run over me.

…And that’s it. That’s the whole list.

Earlier this week, I had one of these incidents where a guy honked and leaned out of his window, leering at me as he drove past. Which, first of all – why do guys do this? Do they expect a positive result? I’m out here, running and sweaty, do you think that I’m gonna be like, “ooh, hey big fella, turn around and come on back here!” Like, has that ever worked on any woman in the history of the world? I find that highly doubtful.

But the kicker with this particular guy is that he was driving a big truck, with a big logo of the company that he worked for on the side.

And I thought, you know, if I owned a company, and I found out that one of my employees was driving a car with my company logo on it, honking at women on the street, I would be furious.

I made a mental note of the company name, and after I got home, I googled them. It’s a landscaping company that has offices in several states, not some small mom-and-pop place. I called them and a very nice receptionist answered. I explained to her what happened, told her where I was and the general timeframe when the incident occurred. She said that they certainly don’t condone that type of behavior, but she would figure out who it was and they would address the issue. She also thanked me for reporting it.

Is it going to make a difference, in the grand scheme of things? Probably not. But it’s a start, and it’s better than doing nothing.

I guess the point is: if you see a woman walking/running down the street and find her attractive? That’s fine. Good for you. But keep it to yourself. Because most likely, she’s just trying to get from Point A to Point B and doesn’t really give a crap.

family picture day

I try to get nice pictures of the girls every year, both for Christmas cards and just for general “family photo” purposes. Last year, I was a cheapskate and tried to take them myself. It really didn’t turn out so great. And because I was the one taking the pictures, I wasn’t actually in any of the photos.

The year before that, the amazing and talented Laura took pictures of us, and they turned out gorgeous. But Laura has retired her photography business (which I don’t blame her for one bit), so she isn’t an option for us anymore.

This year, I checked with one of my local Facebook moms’ groups, and saw people talking about local photographers. That’s how I found Maria at Mia Bella Expressions, and we set up a date to take pictures this past Saturday.

I’ve only got a “sneak peek” of a few of the pictures so far, I should get the rest later this week, but you guys. They’re amazing.

Lucy and Catie

Sisters

Catie

Lucy and me

Catie is at the age where she hates having her picture taken, and when she does smile for the camera, it’s often a fake/forced smile. Lucy is normally a ham for the camera, but she’s shy around new people, so it’s hard to get her smiling and acting like her normal silly self with a photographer she’s never met. Maria was great at getting the girls relaxed and capturing them in that little millisecond when they were both smiling at the same time.

me and my girls

Initially, my plan had just been to get pictures of me and the girls. Then it turned out that Chris was free on Saturday too (which is unusual), so I asked him to come along.

And I’m so glad I did, because pictures like this? That’s basically my whole heart right there.

Catie, me, Chris & Lucy

I mean, look, he’s not their dad. He’s not even their step-dad, because we aren’t married and have no plans to ever get married. To my girls, he’s just Chris, and he fits with us so easily. They both love him, and he loves them. There’s no tricky blended family dynamics for us to sort out, it just… works.

(Side note on that whole “blended family” topic — as far as I can tell, based on what I hear from them, Catie and Lucy also love Dave’s girlfriend and her kids. Which is wonderful. Dave and I have been getting along great lately, and I realize that we co-parent as a team better now than we probably ever have in the past. I love that my kids can see firsthand that, even though their dad and I split up, all of the adults in their lives work together well for their best interests, and that they are loved and supported on all sides. It takes a village, you know?)

The only thing that would’ve made this family photo day better would’ve been if it had worked out so that we could have had Chris’s kids in the photos too. Because that big chunk of his heart is missing here.

me, Catie, Lucy & Chris

Maybe we’ll be able to do a make-up picture date sometime with them. Because it really was so fun, and dammit if kids don’t grow up so fast. It’s nice to have some of those little moments in their lives captured along the way.

And local folks, this is no way a sponsored blog post, but if you need family pictures, you should talk to Maria at Mia Bella Expressions. I could not be happier with the whole experience.

on being a nerdy girl

Catie’s best friend at school this year has been a little boy who I’m going to call A. She’s been coming home talking about him nearly every day. Once, she said, “Mom, I have to wear my Minecraft t-shirt to school tomorrow, because A is going to wear his, and we want to match!”

It was pretty adorable. She asked if he could come over for a playdate. She even mentioned having a crush on him, but when I asked her if she knew what that meant, it sounded more like a friend-crush than a romantic crush. I asked her, “Do you mean like you really like him and want to be around him all the time? Or do you mean hugging and kissing?”

She said, “Kinda just the first part, not the hugging and kissing stuff.”

*whew* Thank God, because I’m so not ready for that.

One night last week, Catie came home in a foul mood. She was picking fights with Lucy over nothing, being rude to me, and just generally not being herself. She knows how to push my buttons sometimes, and I was not handling her outbursts gracefully at all. She was yelling, I was yelling back, it was just a bad scene.

After the kids took a bath and we’d both taken a little time to calm down, I tried to talk with her. She said, “I’m not friends with A anymore.”

Ahh, ok, lightbulb. So that’s why she’s being such a pain in the butt, she’s upset about something completely unrelated. I should have guessed.

I asked what happened. Apparently they’d had a disagreement about some game they were playing, and she said when he got mad at her, “he told me that I should stop playing video games and just go play with Barbies.”

Yeah, so, pretty much the most hurtful thing you could say to an anti-girly girl like Catie.

She was just so sad about it. She said, “I feel like an idiot because I only like boy stuff.”

I told her that she likes what she likes, and I never want her to change what she likes because of what other people think. Because I think it’s awesome that she’s into science and video games, and those are not supposed to be “boy things” or “girl things.”

Wearing a Skylanders t-shirt while she plays Minecraft. Just so she has all her bases covered. I love that weirdo.
Wearing a Skylanders t-shirt while she plays Minecraft. Just so she has all her bases covered.

It was interesting because the conversation segued into talking a little about sexism in society in general, and I gave her sort of a G-rated recap of GamerGate. Obviously, I didn’t explain rape threats or doxxing to my 7 year-old, but I told her about how there are some men who think women shouldn’t like video games, so they say nasty things to those women to try to make them stop liking them. (Like I said, keeping it G-rated.)

And then that led a little into talking about my own career in IT, and how I’m often the only girl in the room at work. Which is fine, I’ve been working in the IT industry for about 15 years now, so I’m pretty used to it by now. But as much as I love my job (and I really do), it’s still sometimes a little uncomfortable to realize you’re always the anomaly in the group.

(At my office, there are about 100 people, give or take. Of those, there are 6 women. Three of them are in administrative, non-technical roles. And that’s not even unusual in my experience. So, yeah, I’d say women are definitely a minority.)

I also told her a story I hadn’t thought about in years, which is how I got started in the IT field in the first place. And I don’t think I’ve ever blogged this story, so here goes.

So, I got my bachelor’s degree in journalism. After I graduated, I found out that journalists make no money. I was offered a position as a reporter for a newspaper in the next town over from where I lived, and the starting salary was less than I was making as a secretary. That’s when I realized I was in trouble (student loans!), and started looking for other possible careers.

I knew I was good with computers (I had installed a modem in my parents’ Windows 3.11 PC, and learned how to set up dial-up Internet access… oh, the 90s). And I had a lot of friends who had jobs in tech support (as I explained it to Catie, “the people you call on the phone when you can’t get your computer to work, and they explain to you how to fix it”). So, I thought, well hey, I can do that.

Here’s the kicker: there was a guy I was sort of casually dating at the time, and he was one of the people I knew who worked in tech support. When I told him I was thinking about pursuing it as a career, he flat-out said, “You can’t do that, you’re not smart enough.”

Catie was horrified when I said that. “But you ARE smart!”

[Side note: That dude didn’t know that I graduated Magna Cum Laude, or that I was in the National Honor Society, or anything about my academic background, because he really wasn’t interested in knowing much about me. 22 year-old me had very poor judgment when it came to boys. If there was any area of life where I wasn’t smart enough, that was it.]

So, really? My entire career in IT can be traced back to the one guy who made me think, “Know what? Screw you. I’ll SHOW you that I’m smart enough.”

Last time I heard from that guy was years later, when I was living in Seattle and working at Microsoft, and he was still answering phones at a helpdesk call center in Memphis, so… I’m gonna go ahead and say I won.

Catie asked, “So how much more money do you make than him now?” I said I don’t know, but since I was smart enough to get a college degree and he wasn’t, I’m going to guess that I make a lot more than him. I mean, it’s a generalization, but statistically pretty likely. And I figured it was a good time to emphasize to Catie the importance of education and going to college.

As for Catie and her friend, nothing has really changed in the past week. It sounds like she’s been playing with other kids at school because she and A are still mad at each other. Maybe they’ll make up, maybe they won’t. But no matter what, I don’t want anyone to ever make my daughter feel like she isn’t brilliant and amazing just the way that she is. Because my god, is she ever.

Catie & her bearded dragon, Spyro Jones. (He's getting so big!)