Author Archives: Cindy

you have GOT to be kidding me

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More bad weather?? I don’t know if God is trying to test my sense of humor or what, but this cannot be happening. I’m trying really hard to think of it as “oh, the stories we’ll have to tell Baby Girl about the last few weeks before she was born!”, but it’s really hard to think in those terms when you’re in the middle of it.

We had a windstorm blow through here this afternoon, and (of course!) our power went out. I had gotten an email from Cara yesterday inviting me to crash with her & Scott in Seattle if that happened, which was very sweet of her, although I do wonder how many of those post-root canal painkillers she’s been taking. (Seriously, who in their right mind invites cranky, hormonal, weepy 9-months-pregnant women to stay in their homes?) And Kris called to remind me that I have a key to her apartment, in case I needed to let myself in while she was still at work. So I had some options. But when I called the power company to report the outage, they promised that they had already dispatched a crew to work on the problem. It was still early evening, and it wasn’t that cold (yet), so I decided to take a nap on the couch and wait for a while before making any decisions about what I was going to do.

Our cat Beaumont curled up against my belly while I was lying on my side, and he has this weird asthmatic purr that he does every 10 seconds or so. (It’s such an odd sound, like he needs to clear his throat.) But since he was leaning against my stomach, he’d do his little purr thing and then I’d feel a little kick-kick-kick response from the baby. I thought it was funny – like “get used to the sound of cats, kiddo, because you’re going to be hearing them a LOT.” So I was enjoying the little “conversation” that the cat and baby were having with each other, and I guess the rhythm of it must have eventually put me to sleep. The next thing I knew, I heard the auto-scooping litter box start up in the laundry room, and I opened my eyes and saw that the lights were back on. 

So, our power was only out for about two hours total. Not too shabby. Certainly a heck of a lot easier to cope with than nine freakin’ days.

But right now it’s snowing out, so who knows how much longer my good fortune will hold out. If nothing else, I expect that I’ll probably lose my Internet access after too much snow accumulates on the satellite dish. I know how to get the extension ladder and use a broom to brush the snow off the dish, of course. I’m just not sure if I’m up to it. Or if it’s even advisable for me to be scaling ladders at this point.

Oh, and I postponed my doctor’s appointment until Thursday. I was exhausted, I knew the bad weather was approaching, and the idea of sitting in a doctor’s office waiting room two days in a row was quite honestly too much for me. I haven’t even decided if I’m going to go the appointment on Thursday, or if I’m just going to resign myself to the idea of feeling like crap until this baby comes out. We’ll see.

day two; or, (sigh)

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Good news: I’ve gained two pounds. It’s not really all that surprising, since my last doctor’s visit was before Christmas, and I didn’t exactly hold back over the holidays. But I suppose I ought to send a thank-you note to the fine folks over at Honey Baked Ham for those two little pounds.

Not so good news: I’ve dilated about 3/4 of a centimeter. Pitiful.

My OB said that between my ongoing stomach issues and the fact that I’m now breaking out in hives – oh wait, did I forget to mention that? Yep, giant itchy red hives all over my legs, lucky me! – she thought that another visit to my primary care doctor was in order. So I have an appointment this afternoon, even though just the idea of getting dressed to go is making me want to crawl back in bed and take a nice long nap.

It’s frustrating because I don’t know what my primary care doc can do, other than what she did last time, which was basically stare at me, shrug, and pass me off to yet another specialist.

My OB keeps insisting that all of these symptoms can’t possibly be pregnancy-related, but since nothing like this has ever happened to me until now, I have my doubts. I asked her just how sick I have to get before they decide to induce, because I’m seriously starting to wonder how much longer I can stand this. She said that if I went into labor on my own at this point, they wouldn’t try to stop it, since I’m basically full-term. But they wouldn’t induce me for at least another two or three weeks. Which I suppose is responsible of her, but god, I thought I was going to cry when she said that.

Oh, and just in case I didn’t have enough on my mind right now, I apparently also have to replace the car seat that I bought, since it was one of the majority that failed the latest round of crash tests. There were only two that passed the side-impact crash tests, and guess what? You can’t find them anywhere around here. I can’t even find a website where I can order one online and have it here in less than two weeks. Faaaabulous.

the first day on my own

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I dropped Dave off at the airport yesterday afternoon. I hadn’t realized that he was flying out on Sunday so he could be there bright and early on Monday morning. I guess it’s logical. But it means he’ll actually be gone for five nights rather than four. FIVE! It all equals doom, I tell you!

And of course, as soon as I got home from the trip to the airport, I managed to have a total freak-out session. I had crawled back in bed when I got home (part of my self-imposed bedrest; which is not so much my idea, but more of a necessity because I don’t do too well when I’m out of bed for more than two hours at a time). While I was lying down, I got a weird feeling that was sort of like menstrual cramps. Hmmm. Seems like I’ve read this symptom before, yes? Oh wait, that’s right: every single freakin’ pregnancy book under the freakin’ sun describes early labor as feeling like menstrual cramps. Heck, even my cousin described it like that. And at that precise moment, Dave was probably on a plane somewhere over Oregon. Do I have phenomenal timing or what?

(Note: I’ve been having Braxton-Hicks contractions like crazy for the past few days. This was noticeably different, believe me.)

Just to be safe, I checked the clock next to the bed. It was 2:58 p.m. The cramp-like feeling passed after about a minute. I had the same crampy feeling again 12 minutes later, at 3:10. Then… nothing. Na-da. Lots of baby kicks and dancing, and my hips still ached and I had weird shooting pains down my inner thighs, which is basically what the past couple of weeks have been like for me. But no more crampy contraction things. So ok, that’s good. As much as I would like to get this kid out of me, I would definitely prefer that it happen when Dave is around. 
 
Later that afternoon, my cat Teenie managed to totally freak me out too. When I’m in bed, she generally wants to cuddle up near me, but then she goes to sleep. Her favorite spot is in the little nook between my pillow & Dave’s; I suppose it’s an ideal location to be petted by two people rather than just one. But she’s an old lady cat (she’ll be eleven this year!), so she doesn’t have the super playful kitten energy anymore. Once she’s settled, she’s out. She might occasionally wake up to give herself a bath, or to go get some food. When she comes back to bed, she’ll usually purr for a minute or so while she gets herself re-settled, but that’s about it.

But no. Yesterday? She stood next to me, totally staring at me for a very long time (like 20-30 minutes), purring very loudly at me, and she’d occasionally lift one paw and sort of rest it on my arm. As totally bizarre and out-of-character as the little paw-pat was (like she was trying to reassure or comfort me), it was actually the staring that freaked me out more than anything. She was boring her eyes into me like that little terrier Eddie did to Frasier. It was creepy. I felt like she was trying to tell me something. It seemed as though I was on an old episode of “Lassie”. What is it, girl? Is Timmy stuck down in the well? Do I need to call my ob/gyn?

It was totally bizarre. My mom says she thinks animals pick up on “those types of things” (whatever that means), so maybe she was giving me a sign that I’m going to go into labor sometime this week. I’m not kidding, that’s totally my mom’s theory. Nevermind any of the symptoms I’ve told her about, it was only when I told her the story about the cat that she was all, “Well, that seals it. I guess I need to start keeping the phone ringer turned on when I go to bed, just in case you need to call at 4 a.m. to tell me that I have a grandbaby.”

Although you know, assuming my labor takes long enough for Dave to fly home, the idea of having the baby this week is quite honestly fine with me. I’m not anywhere near being done with my to-do list, but seriously? I am so over this whole pregnancy thing.

So please, send me happy “dilation and effacement” vibes for my OB appointment this afternoon. I’ll update again when I know more.

foreshadowing imminent DOOM

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So there’s this little thing that I haven’t mentioned, because I’ve been trying not to think about it myself. Dave is going out of town next week. For the entire week.

Remember last month, when he left town for one measly night – just for one final interview with the company that later hired him – and how all holy hell broke loose? Can you imagine what kind of catastrophic mess I’ll end up in when he’s gone for FOUR nights instead of just one? And all because this company needs him to come back for “new employee orientation” or some such nonsense. (I’m kidding. We love his new employer. They are lovely people who gave him a lovely job doing exactly what he wants for a very lovely paycheck.)

The funny part is that in our relationship, Dave is normally the calm, rational one and I’m the one who freaks out over every tiny god-blessed thing. But right now, with me feeling as miserable as I’ve been lately, I think he’s the one who’s starting to worry about the idea of leaving me alone for a week. I honestly don’t have the strength to get all worked up about it. I’m more like, “oh, just leave the frying pan over there on your side of the bed, and let the serial killers come get me.” He’s been talking about postponing the trip, but I think that would just be worse, because I’d rather not be left alone with a newborn for an entire week.

I think he’s also concerned because I’ve started showing signs that I might be starting to dilate (cramps in my hips, inner thighs, and… um, well, let’s just say that there have been some internal twinges too). I won’t know until my OB appointment on Monday afternoon if I am or not, but even if I’ve dilated a centimeter or two, it could still be weeks before I go into labor. But over the past several days, I’ve suddenly shifted gears from talking about February as the timeframe for the baby to being all, “I don’t care if it’s early, get this kid OUT of me, NOW!” So I can see why he’s a little worried.

We’ve already worked out our contingency plan. Kris is “on call” in case of emergencies, and my friend Janet is around too. And Dave knows that he absolutely has to keep his cell phone on him at all times, and if he gets a “911” text message from me, it means that he has to stop whatever he’s doing and get his butt on the next plane back to Seattle. It’s only a two-hour flight from the Bay area, and my understanding is that first labors generally take a while, so even in a worst-case scenario, he should still be able to get back here in plenty of time.

But so help me, if we lose our power again, I’m packing up my body pillow and the cats and checking into a hotel until the day my water breaks.  

survival mode

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I know that a lot of women who read this site have done the whole pregnancy thing, so this question is really just for them: how, in the name of all that is sacred and holy, do you survive the last month? My due date is one month from yesterday, February 2nd. At this point, I am not at all confident that I’m going to make it.

I suppose this stomach bug has depleted my reserves more than I thought, but it’s gotten to the point where getting out of bed just seems nearly unfathomable. You know how weak you feel after a really bad stomach flu? That’s sort of what I feel like all the time. Right now I have my laptop propped up on a TV tray in bed with me, because even sitting upright makes me feel sort of dizzy, like I might fall over or faint. (And the TV tray keeps the weight of the laptop off of my belly, which is nice. I only wish the cats were so understanding.) On the occasions when I finally get enough caffeine and Vitamin Water in my system to drag myself out of bed, the pain in my hips is excruciating (and more on the left side than the right, what is up with that?) and I constantly feel like I’m going to burst into tears. Thanks, hormones! I really need the weepiness on top of everything else.

I can only theorize that this is not the typical pregnancy experience. Aren’t I supposed to get some sudden burst of crazed nesting energy right about now? I’m genuinely trying to take it easy, and I’ve set a goal (which I thought was totally reasonable and attainable) to do only one small task per day. Yesterday I went to get a pedicure, and since the supermarket was in the same shopping center, I decided to pick up a few groceries on my way home. By the time I left the grocery store, I thought I was going to have to call Dave to come get me because I was too exhausted to drive the two miles back to our house.

Dave keeps offering to help – he’s told me repeatedly to just give him a list of the groceries that we need, and he’ll go get them. But he’s working, and I’m not, and it seems like these are little things that I should be able to do myself without enlisting his help. And it’s not just the groceries, it’s all of the other dinky household tasks, like running laundry or washing dishes. It’s stuff that I never used to think was too terribly taxing on my energy level, and suddenly it feels as insurmountable as trying to scale a mountain with my bare hands.

It’s horribly frustrating to look at my to-do list and realize that I don’t have the energy to accomplish any of the things on it. And seriously, y’all, the to-do list has been scaled way, way back. It’s basically just the things we have to buy and/or do before the baby arrives. And I even put them in order of importance. Example: installing the car seat? I consider that a big deal, since the hospital won’t let us take the baby home without it. Whereas if we forget to set up the baby humidifier in the nursery until after she gets here (because my god, our electric furnace is dry), I’m pretty sure that it won’t be the end of the world.

My one goal for today? I’m trying to fill out my birth plan. My 36-week appointment is on Monday, and I want to make sure my doctor has a copy of it in my chart by then. Plus it’s one of the things that needs to be in the suitcase I pack for the hospital (another item on the to-do list that has yet to be accomplished). But I thought that filling out a form would be something achievable, since it doesn’t require me to get out of bed or even sit upright. Also, the birth plan is not as scary to me as it was two months ago. I think I’m over my little denial “la-la-la, I’ll just stay pregnant forever because I don’t want to go through childbirth” phase. Now I just desparately want this little parasite out of my belly so I can start to feel somewhat normal and human again. 

And yes, I do realize that I just referred to my unborn pweshuss widdle baybeeee as a parasite, and that right there pretty much screws any hopes that I may have had for someday winning a Mother of the Year award. Oh well. It’s probably good to be realistic from the get-go, right?    

the end of '06

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It’s been hard for me to sit down and blog lately, because I am so completely exhausted all the time. I think it’s partially post-Christmas letdown, partially the leftovers of that weird stomach bug, and partially the realization that I have a million tiny things on my to-do list before this baby arrives, and my due date is less than 5 weeks away, which is sort of making me panic. So I’m spending a lot of time in bed with the covers pulled over my head, trying not to think about it.

Although today I spent in bed with the covers over my head because it was freezing in this house. We finally got our electricity back, and then the furnace decides to stop working. I’m not kidding. Isn’t that lovely? We just wrote an exorbitant check to get someone out here to fix it today, so I’m starting to defrost now. (Sunday and a holiday! Double-overtime for you, mister! Happy freakin’ New Year!) Do I need to mention again that I want to move?  

Anyway, since this will be my last post of the year, and I can’t think of much to write about, I thought I’d rip off this little meme from Gwen and Shannon (thanks for the blog fodder, you two!):

1. What did you do in 2006 that you’d never done before?
Made a baby. I’m sure there are other things too, but that’s the first thing that comes to mind.

2. Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I almost never make them, because for me, they never seem to last past January 5th or so. I don’t really have any in mind for 2007, either.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes! One cousin and one cousin-in-law. And more in the near future. Not just me, but I also have two friends who both have due dates relatively close to mine. Oh, and the check-out lady at my supermarket is having a scheduled c-section on my birthday, January 16th. (Random, I know.)

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not that I can think of. I know my dad lost at least one friend and one family member this year, but neither were people that I knew very well.

5. What countries did you visit?
Sadly, nowhere outside of the U.S. Although there was a big cross-country roadtrip in there, so I guess that helps.

6. What would you like to have in 2007 that you lacked in 2006?
More patience. Less worry. Yadda yadda.

7. What dates from 2006 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
* January 16th – I turned 30. Blaaaah.  

* February 16th – The day I flew to Memphis to help Kris move to Seattle.

* May 13th – Not technically our first anniversary (that’s May 15th), but the 13th was the night that Dave and I celebrated our anniversary. We went back to the inn were we got married last year, had a fantastic romantic meal, got sloppy drunk… and most likely, made a baby. (I was charting my cycles, so I’m almost positive that was The Big Moment. Apologies if that was TMI.)

* November 7th – I only remember the day of the mid-term elections because it was the same day of the big flood that kept Dave and I from being able to get home that night, and I remember watching election coverage on the TV in the hotel room. That was the first of the Signs from God we’ve gotten that we are clearly not meant to be in this house for another winter.

* December 14th – also known as The Windstorm That Almost Destroyed Christmas. Heck, also known as Sign from God #2 that we need to move. (I think the furnace dying today officially counts as Sign #3.)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Made a baby. (Sorry, I think that answer is going to come up a lot.)

9. What was your biggest failure?
I feel like I’ve been very wrapped up in my own little “holy god, I’m going to be a mommy” world, and in doing so, I’ve neglected some people who are very close to me. So I feel like I’ve been a bit of a failure as a friend – and sometimes as a wife, although I doubt that Dave would ever acknowledge that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I’m a klutz, I’m forever injuring myself. I couldn’t even count the number of bruises I acquired this year. The only illness was that weird stomach thing that made me drop 10 pounds last month – which thankfully seems to be mostly over and done with, but my stomach is still somewhat iffy at best.

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A video camera. And a ton of baby gear.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My husband’s. I’ve honestly never really needed Dave to take care of me, and it’s not easy for me to admit when I need help, or that I can’t do something myself. But the last two months have been really hard on me, and he’s just stepped in and made everything easier on me. He has earned so many Good Husband points over the past several weeks, and I don’t think he has any idea. I cannot begin to express how happy I am that I found him, and how much I look forward to seeing what a fantastic father he’s going to be.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Oh, Britney. I was so happy for you for about a week. Now I just want to give you a hug. And some panties.

14. Where did most of your money go?
The house. The hoooouuuuussseee. It’s never ending. Although I did also spend a small fortune on baby stuff and maternity clothes.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Baby! (Good grief, this is getting repetitive.)

16. What song will always remind you of 2006?
I’ve been listening to my iPod in the car all year instead of the radio, so I don’t really know anything new. So, whatever. This isn’t a new song, but I’ll pick “The Day After Tomorrow” by Tom Waits, because I heard it for the first time this year, and I’ve been obsessed with it (playing it over and over) ever since.  

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Happier overall; only sadder because of the hormones, but I know that’s a temporary thing.
b) thinner or fatter? The number on the scale is basically the same, but I feel huge. Weird how that works. Ask me again next year and we’ll see.
c) richer or poorer? We paid down some debts and acquired some new ones, so I think we’re pretty much breaking even with 2005.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Exercise. Yoga. Relaxation. Sex. Reading. Generally making the most of my downtime.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying. Moping. Feeling sorry for myself. Being a big whiny ball of hormones.

23. What was your favorite TV program?
Project Runway! Oh, Tim Gunn, how do I love thee…  

25. What was the best book you read?
“Night” by Elie Weisel. Yeah yeah, I know, Oprah’s book club, I should be ashamed of myself. Whatever, it’s really good.

27. What did you want and get?
To get pregnant. And a new job for Dave, because I knew he was unhappy at his old one.

28. What did you want and not get?
A new house. Or even better: this exact house in a totally different location. Like the suburbs.

29. What was your favorite film of this year?
Finding Neverland. I think it came out last year, but this was the year that I saw it. I also loved Little Miss Sunshine, Brokeback Mountain, Good Night & Good Luck, The Family Stone (which surprised me because I thought it was going to be silly and it totally wasn’t), and a whole bunch of others that I know I’m forgetting.

30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 30, and it was drunk cosmic bowling. Worst hangover I’ve had in a looong time, but it was a lot of fun.

31. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Weird that I can’t really think of anything. I know I whine a lot, but I’m actually pretty content with my life, I can’t think of anything that would make it that much better.

32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2006?
Maternity. Comfy, but not very sexy.

33. What kept you sane?
I don’t know if that’s a “what” answer as much as a “who”. The #1 answer is Dave. Next on the list is my mom. And pretty much everyone else in my circle of family and friends.

34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
George Clooney. That one doesn’t really change from one year to the next. It’s pretty much been Clooney for the past decade.

38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2006.
God, do I have to? I imagine that I’ll have a lot of them next year, after I’ve experienced this whole motherhood gig. The only valuable life lessons I can think of right now are that (a) pregnancy really can be just as miserable, and just as awesome, as some women describe it; and (b) apparently I am actually capable of surviving for nine days in a house with no electricity in the middle of winter. (That second one was certainly news to me, since I am not what you would call a “roughing it” kind of girl by any stretch.)

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
This is impossible, because there are a million song lyrics that I could use. So I picked one that’s totallly cheesy: it’s from a Sarah McLachlan song (“Push”), and it is absolutely 100% for Dave:
“There are times I can’t decide, when I can’t tell up from down;
You make me feel less crazy, when otherwise I’d drown.
But you pick me up and brush me off and tell me I’m OK,
Sometimes that’s just what we need to get us through the day.”

Yeah, I know. Sorry. Feel free to go throw up now.

Oh, and since I haven’t said it already – happy New Year, everybody. May we all have a fabulous, joyous, blessed, kick-ass 2007.

Multimedia Christmas

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I really had to give up on the idea of having my house in perfect condition before my family arrived. Let’s face it, there isn’t much you can do when you have no electricity for nine days. I couldn’t vacuum, couldn’t do laundry, I had to wash dishes by hand… hell, I couldn’t even charge up the drill so I could hang the curtains in the guest room. (Although technically that would’ve been Dave’s job, because I don’t drill.)

So I thought to myself: you know, my parents’ house is often cluttered (not dirty, they just have lots of stuff), my brother probably wouldn’t notice any degree of messiness, and the only reason my sister would ever go nine days without power in Manhattan would be in the event of some sort of nuclear disaster, so she couldn’t really judge me either. (Not that she would.) So what the hell. I did what I could with the house, and let the rest of it go. It wasn’t easy for me, since I tend to be a little OCD-ish about those types of things, but I tried to just relax and be happy that they were all able to fly here for the holidays.

Once I got to that point, I had a pretty awesome time.

You can see the rest of the photos from Christmas here.

Oh, and speaking of photos, since I’m able to use the scanner now (ah, the simple joys of electricity!), here’s my favorite photo from the ultrasound last week.

Have you ever seen such a perfect little profile? I think not. And those lips! I cannot wait to meet this kid in person.

Oh, and just to complete this very visually-oriented post, here’s my first experience at uploading a video on YouTube.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRX0rt49reU

(If that embedding trick doesn’t work, you can see it here.) Some background: we were cooking Christmas Eve dinner, and my sister and I were trying to find some uptempo, dance-y music to keep us energized while we were working. So yes, that is in fact “Bootylicious” and the N’Trance remix of “Stayin’ Alive” that you hear. Our iPods might be a bit dated, but they’re fun. And it’s proof that at any of our family gatherings, all of the action really does happen in the kitchen.

And if nothing else, when Baby Girl decides in fifteen years or so that she wants to sue her parents for emancipation because we are certifiably insane, this ought to help her case in court. I mean for heaven’s sake, just look at how her parents were behaving only weeks before her birth. Atrocious.