I know that a lot of women who read this site have done the whole pregnancy thing, so this question is really just for them: how, in the name of all that is sacred and holy, do you survive the last month? My due date is one month from yesterday, February 2nd. At this point, I am not at all confident that I’m going to make it.
I suppose this stomach bug has depleted my reserves more than I thought, but it’s gotten to the point where getting out of bed just seems nearly unfathomable. You know how weak you feel after a really bad stomach flu? That’s sort of what I feel like all the time. Right now I have my laptop propped up on a TV tray in bed with me, because even sitting upright makes me feel sort of dizzy, like I might fall over or faint. (And the TV tray keeps the weight of the laptop off of my belly, which is nice. I only wish the cats were so understanding.) On the occasions when I finally get enough caffeine and Vitamin Water in my system to drag myself out of bed, the pain in my hips is excruciating (and more on the left side than the right, what is up with that?) and I constantly feel like I’m going to burst into tears. Thanks, hormones! I really need the weepiness on top of everything else.
I can only theorize that this is not the typical pregnancy experience. Aren’t I supposed to get some sudden burst of crazed nesting energy right about now? I’m genuinely trying to take it easy, and I’ve set a goal (which I thought was totally reasonable and attainable) to do only one small task per day. Yesterday I went to get a pedicure, and since the supermarket was in the same shopping center, I decided to pick up a few groceries on my way home. By the time I left the grocery store, I thought I was going to have to call Dave to come get me because I was too exhausted to drive the two miles back to our house.
Dave keeps offering to help – he’s told me repeatedly to just give him a list of the groceries that we need, and he’ll go get them. But he’s working, and I’m not, and it seems like these are little things that I should be able to do myself without enlisting his help. And it’s not just the groceries, it’s all of the other dinky household tasks, like running laundry or washing dishes. It’s stuff that I never used to think was too terribly taxing on my energy level, and suddenly it feels as insurmountable as trying to scale a mountain with my bare hands.
It’s horribly frustrating to look at my to-do list and realize that I don’t have the energy to accomplish any of the things on it. And seriously, y’all, the to-do list has been scaled way, way back. It’s basically just the things we have to buy and/or do before the baby arrives. And I even put them in order of importance. Example: installing the car seat? I consider that a big deal, since the hospital won’t let us take the baby home without it. Whereas if we forget to set up the baby humidifier in the nursery until after she gets here (because my god, our electric furnace is dry), I’m pretty sure that it won’t be the end of the world.
My one goal for today? I’m trying to fill out my birth plan. My 36-week appointment is on Monday, and I want to make sure my doctor has a copy of it in my chart by then. Plus it’s one of the things that needs to be in the suitcase I pack for the hospital (another item on the to-do list that has yet to be accomplished). But I thought that filling out a form would be something achievable, since it doesn’t require me to get out of bed or even sit upright. Also, the birth plan is not as scary to me as it was two months ago. I think I’m over my little denial “la-la-la, I’ll just stay pregnant forever because I don’t want to go through childbirth” phase. Now I just desparately want this little parasite out of my belly so I can start to feel somewhat normal and human again.
And yes, I do realize that I just referred to my unborn pweshuss widdle baybeeee as a parasite, and that right there pretty much screws any hopes that I may have had for someday winning a Mother of the Year award. Oh well. It’s probably good to be realistic from the get-go, right?