random funny things my kids say

I realized that a lot of times, rather than blogging, I’ll put a quick status update on Facebook or a tweet of some funny thing that my kids have said, because it doesn’t feel like enough to make a blog post. So I thought I’d throw together some of my favorites and make it into a blog post. If you’re Facebook friends with me, you’ve probably seen this already. Oh well. Here it is anyway.


Coming downstairs one morning, I ask the kids what they want for breakfast.

Lucy: “COOKIES!!”
Catie: “No, Lucy. We aren’t at Daddy’s house. We can’t have cookies for breakfast here.”

(Yeah. The ex got a text about that one.)


There’s a lady at our daycare, Miss Sandra, who gives all of the kids Spanish lessons once a week. Catie started taking Spanish lessons from her when she was three years old, and said she prefers Miss Sandra to her Spanish teacher at elementary school.

I learned recently that Miss Sandra is now teaching Spanish to the toddler class. I asked Lucy what she knew how to say in Spanish, and she said, “Wayne-oh dias!”

Close enough, baby.


Related to previous anecdote: Miss Sandra at daycare is also in charge of food prep in the kitchen, and she serves all the kids their lunch and snacks. Catie has told me, “Mommy, Miss Sandra makes THE BEST peaches. You really should get her recipe.”

Right. I’m pretty sure Miss Sandra opens a can and spoons them into a bowl, but whatever you say, kiddo. Apparently Catie prefers canned peaches to fresh.


When I pick the kids up in the evening, on the drive home, I ask the girls how their day was. If Catie says a word, Lucy starts yelling, “STOP TALKING, CATIE! STOP TALKING! I TALK!” When I finally say, “Ok, Lucy, what did you want to say?” She says, “Umm… nuffing.”

Two year-olds, man.


Lucy’s take on the various hairstyles around here: “I have yeyyow hair, Catie have yeyyow hair too, Mommy have brown hair, and Chris have nekkid hair.”


Catie was playing her Skylanders video game on the Wii, and I guess some new monster popped up on the screen, because she mumbled to herself, “What the hell is that?”

I said, “What did you just say?”

She looked kind of startled and said, “Um… oops?”

I couldn’t even get mad at her because she said it pretty much exactly the way I say it, and I know she got it from me. So I told her that it’s kind of inappropriate for kids to use words like “hell,” and it would be nicer if she said “heck” instead.


Dave texted me that Lucy punked him. I asked what he meant, and he said that she ran into the room, yelling, “I pooped! I pooped!” (She’s potty-trained for peeing completely, but poop is still pretty hit-or-miss.) Dave saw that there was a big lump in her pants, so he figured she had an accident and went to change her.

When he pulled her pants down, an Angry Birds action figure fell out of her underwear. Then she laughed at him, like “Haha! Made ya look!” And she ran off.

I… don’t even know where she came up with that. I asked if Catie helped set that up, but apparently she was working on an art project in another room and was nowhere near Lucy at the time. I’m kind of impressed.


Another text from Dave was this quote from Lucy: “Mommy have big boobs. I have no boobs. Daddy have the BIGGEST boobs!”

Yeah, I’m just gonna put that one out there and leave it alone.


Catie was moaning about trying to figure out how to spend her birthday money, and she sighed heavily, “It would be nice if everything was free.” Awww, my little budding Communist.


A few weeks ago, Lucy saw me in the morning and said, “Oh no! You have a boo-boo on your face! Poor Mommy!”

It was a zit on my chin. Thanks for that, kid.


We were watching stuff on YouTube, and I showed them the video for “Take On Me” by A-Ha. As soon as it was over, they asked me to see it again. Considering Catie’s affinity for other 80s music (Michael Jackson, Duran Duran, “Eye of the Tiger”), I’m going to consider that a sign that I’m raising them right.


Lucy is currently obsessed with watching the Muppets on YouTube. It started with just their take on Bohemian Rhapsody, but now she’s really into any videos that involve either Beaker or the Swedish Chef. They happen to be two of my favorites anyway, so again, I’ll take it as a sign that I’m raising them right.


Catie recently lost her top front tooth, and she asked if the Tooth Fairy is real.

I asked her why she would think the Tooth Fairy isn’t real, and she said, “Because fairies don’t live in North Carolina!”

I said, “Well, maybe the Tooth Fairy just travels a lot.” And then I changed the subject and asked her what she was going to do with her $1 that she got.

I know her days of believing in magic are numbered, but I’m kind of ok with dragging that one out as long as I can.


Last week, Lucy ran in the room and in sort of a “nyah-nyah-boo-boo” sing-songy voice, said, “Mo-ooommy! I didn’t choke!” Which of course just led to suspicion, because wait, why are you telling me this? What did you swallow that you weren’t supposed to swallow?

It was gum. Which she is not allowed to have. She stole it off my desk.

Again: two year-olds, man.


Those girls. They crack me up, I tell you.

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