I’m sitting here trying to figure out words for how upset I am, and I can’t really find them. My stomach is in knots and my mind is a blur.

Our house closing is going to get delayed for 2 more weeks. And it’s our fault. For trusting an attorney in the UK who’s apparently either having a nervous breakdown, or about to get fired, or who knows what. But he’s been telling us for weeks that everything with our loan is ready to go, and in reality he’s missing many key items of paperwork. And that paperwork is going to keep us from getting our money in time for our house closing here.

We have a new attorney as of this morning, and he seems competent and he understands that this is a rush for us, but he told me to expect that this will take “a fortnight” (read: 2 weeks; gotta love the Brits). I’m relieved to finally have someone who will be honest and give me a definite ETA, but I hate that it’s going to take so long.

I’m praying that the sellers don’t decide that we’re flakes & decide to walk away with the earnest money we already put down. They have the right to at this point, but I’m hoping they don’t exercise that option.

I had to leave our landlady a message, asking if our house has already been rented, or if we can stay here for another 2 weeks. If we can’t, it means we have to put our stuff in storage, board the cats, and find a temporary place to live.

I feel like I need to get back online and start looking at houses again, just in case the sellers walk. But then I think about losing that house, that beautiful house that I envisioned our lives in, and I want to lie down and cry. And yes, I know it’s just a house and there are millions of them. But I could see us there. It’s the house that I wanted to bring our second baby home to. I could see us being really happy there. The idea of possibly losing that house breaks my heart.

I know it’ll be ok, and that this too shall pass. I normally believe that things will work out the way that they’re supposed to, and that we’ll end up wherever we’re supposed to be. But I’m having a really hard time finding that belief within myself today.