a Facebook etiquette question

Last November, I went home for Thanksgiving and while I was in town, my sister & I attended a mini-reunion of a bunch of people that we went to high school with, who all happened to be in town for the holidays (and some who are still local). During that get-together, this picture was taken:

me, Laurie, Tracy, Nicole, Sandra, and some dude I don't know

That’s me in the flowery shirt on the left, and my gorgeous sister is in the middle in blue.

If you click through to Flickr, you’ll see that my caption for the guy on the far right is “some dude I don’t know.” Well, I do know who he is now, because he’s added me as a friend on Facebook. Which is weird, because we only met that one time and I don’t remember him from high school at all. I only recognize his last name because I kinda-sorta knew his younger brother (or I should say, I recognized his brother’s name; I don’t know if we ever spoke to each other in high school). My sister had no clue who he was either, even though he was closer to her grade. But yeah, ok, we have like 15 Facebook friends in common, so sure I’ll add you. Why not?

Here’s the weird thing: that picture up there? He has that set as his profile picture. WTF? I’m guessing he likes that there’s a picture of himself with 5 attractive women, but since neither my sister nor I really know him at all, I thought it was borderline creepy that we’re in his profile picture. But eh, ok, I let it go. But that’s kind of weird, isn’t it?

Now, though, I’m starting to get really annoyed, because he keeps making these outrageous political statements on Facebook (i.e., one of his status updates said, “Oboma [sic] is such a liar!!!”), and he answers Facebook polls with “Absolutely!” on the “Would you vote Sarah Palin for president in 2012?” question. So, basically, all of this far-right rhetoric is popping up… with my sister’s and my faces right next to it. And since I’m pretty much the polar opposite end of the spectrum, I really don’t like this at all. (I think I can safely say for my sister that she wouldn’t care much for it either, but I don’t know if she’s noticed it yet.)

So, my question is, can I send him a very polite private message on Facebook, and just say, hey look, you’re 100% entitled to your opinions, but I’d prefer if you use a different profile picture because I don’t want people to associate my face with that kind of talk? Or do I just have to suck it up & ignore it?

20 thoughts on “a Facebook etiquette question

  1. man i don’t know. this one is a tough one. i mean it IS his page and he IS in the picture so i can see why he feels entitled to it. On the other hand, i see your side and why you don’t want YOUR face associated with that.

    so otherwise i’m of no help LOL

  2. Etiquette: There is nothing wrong with asking him to crop the picture so that it doesn’t include you.

    I would not say that it’s because you think he is an asshat and spews stupidity and you don’t want your face attached to that kind of filth.

    I would say that it’s because you keep your profile private to people who are not your “Friends” and since some of his friends are not your approved friends, you’re just not comfortable with it.

  3. I would. I would definately send him an email,especially because you are not friends. Tell him to crop the photo and take you off the end. Even without the all the political statements he’s making, him having you in his profile pic when you don’t know each other is just creepy.

  4. Oh wow.
    That’s a good one.
    I guess in this age (crap, hand me my dang cane now) we have to be really careful about what pictures we are in (not just the p0rn kind either) because who knows how they’ll be used. Did HE take the picture?

    You don’t know him, do you care if you offend HIM? Then just ask. The worse he can do is say no!

  5. oh lord — i wish you wouldn’t! not that i know him or care what HE thinks, but we do have a million friends in common, and i don’t really want him going around saying you’re a bitch or something. believe me, anybody who knows you is NOT thinking YOU (or i) are associated with his political crap. can’t you just hide him so that you don’t have to look at his posts and let it go??

  6. and ps — no, you’re right that i don’t care for it either, but i have not seen his posts bc i hid him in my news feed — along with the other high school people who i “friended” just bc they asked (and bc we have people in common) even though i don’t remember them.

  7. At first I thought, Hey, of course this guy wants this this photo for his profile picture. That was probably a memorable moment for him. He looks like he might not get too much attention from the ladies.
    Then I tried to imagine someone I barely know putting up a photo of me, and I got all creeped out.
    Definitely message him and mention your feelings on the photo.

  8. I think you absolutely have the right to ask him to crop the picture.

    Maybe give him some BS like: It was good to see you over the holidays. We sure had fun that night. Blah, blah. I was wondering if you would mind cropping your profile pic. I’m kind of a private person, and I’m just not comfortable having my picture “out there”. Appreciate it! Hope to see you again soon.

    A little BS can go a long way. LOL

    Good luck!

  9. You absolutely have the right and grounds to ask him to do something about it. However your sister is right, it could cause drama for you both, so just depends on if you want to deal with it.

  10. Yes, I think you absolutely have the right to politely ask him to change his picture so that you’re not in it, either crop it differently or put up a different photo. To avoid too much drama maybe come up with a creative reason why you don’t want your picture on his site (like kathygee1 mentioned).

  11. Oh wow. I’d DEFINITELY email him and suggest taking the picture down. You have every right to do that.

    May cause drama but HOPEFULLY he can at least respect you enough to honor your wishes.

  12. I’m such a wuss. I agree that you have the right to ask him to crop you out of the photo. It is rather creepy.

    I probably wouldn’t though. I would probably just hide him and his annoying statuses. Or is that stati? For the reasons T mentioned.

    It seems like a choose your battles thing here.

  13. I’d say crop it or delete it. Or open himself up to a lawsuit… you could always go in that direction……….I mean, whatver gets their attention, right?

  14. You could crop the picture yourself and send it to him. Ask him to use that one instead because you’d like to keep your picture private (and make sure your blog isn’t linked to your FB page)!

  15. oh lord y’all — i so don’t want the drama. yes, it’s creepy — and yes she has the right, but really? it’s harmless! who cares? why not hide him and let it go, vs. having stirring up a bunch of drama and causing him to likely badmouth her? no need, people. no need.

  16. That is so weird. I can’t imagine having a profile pic, with tons of people. Strange.

    On your question, um yeah, I think you should say something to him. Then un-friend him. Although, I can imagine that it’d be a hard thing to say to someone.

    Maybe he just wants to look cool?

Comments are closed.