* Number of items on my home improvement to-do list: 22
* Items that were completed this weekend: 2
* Approximate year that all items on list will be completed: 2018

Task item #1
* Stupid, leaky, stinking, broken garbage disposals removed and thrown out: 1
* Shiny, pretty, new garbage disposals installed: 1
* Number of times I had to ask Dave for help installing the new garbage disposal, thereby ruining my whole “I am Miss Handywoman, hear me roar as I handle all plumbing issues with ease and grace” image of myself: 4 or 5
* Instances of profanity involved in the removal/installation of garbage disposal: well over 100, probably
* Unnecessarily bitchy comments directed at Dave for no reason other than the fact that I was frustrated with the m*&#erf*@$ing disposal: at least 20
* Number of times a stupid garbage disposal reduced me to tears: 1
* Person who actually finished the damn installation of the garbage disposal because after the crying, I was ordered to go upstairs and lie down: Dave

Task item #2
* Broken toilets that were fixed: 1
* Pipe snakes that were thrown away after the toilet was fixed, because ew, that thing just cannot stay in the house: 1
* Person who did the entire toilet-repairing and wouldn’t even allow me in the bathroom because he’d had quite enough of my tears & bitchiness for one day: Dave

To sum up:
* Big whiny crybaby: me
* Rock-star husband of the weekend: Dave

I think he wins. Oh, and even after a shower, my fingernails still smell like plumber’s putty. Gross.