throwing in the towel

I think it has become obviously, painfully clear that Catie is not ready for potty training. The poor kiddo hasn’t pooped since Friday night. She started complaining about it on Monday, but last night and this morning, it’s devolved into a pretty much constant screaming that, “Poop!! Mommy, poop hurts! Mommy help!!” It’s breaking my heart, I cannot take it.

Last night we used one of those BabyLax things (liquid glycerine suppositories), which did essentially nothing. (She pooped out the liquid, but nothing else.) This morning I had to give her an enema, which is something I hope to never ever do again for the rest of my damn life.

So far, I have no idea if the enema worked, because she screamed so much before and during the process that by the time it was all over, she promptly fell asleep on the couch. Which is where she is now. I guess I’ll find out when she wakes up. I wish she could poop in her sleep, but somehow I doubt it.

Oh, and I have a migraine from the stress of dealing with a thoroughly miserable little girl. Happy times for us. I think my parents are starting to wish they’d stayed in Mississippi. And my dad is so upset from seeing his precious grandbaby in so much pain that he has promised to never say another word about Catie getting potty trained. Direct quote: “If she’s still in diapers when she’s 18, I’m not going to say another word about it.” I’m planning to hold him to that.

I’ve promised her that as soon as she poops, we’re going to take her to the Life & Science Museum, so she can see all the animals and we can ride on the choo-choo train. I fully intend to follow through on that promise too, I just hope she can come through on her side of the bargain.

Potty Training 101

I’ve decided that it’s time to start potty-training Catie, for a few reasons:
1. I recently got her this book, The New Potty by Gina and Mercer Mayer, and she adores it. We’ve been reading it at least twice a day, usually more.
2. She’s recently become fascinated with me going to the toilet. She sits on my lap while I go, she wants to help me flush, and she wants to wash her hands with me when I’m done. I’m guessing the fact that she’s showing interest is a good thing. [Speaking of which, one random bathroom anecdote that cracks me up to this day: a couple of weeks ago, she followed me in while I used the bathroom, helped me flush, watched carefully as everything went down, then waved bye-bye and said, “Bye, poops! See you later!” Um, let’s hope that we don’t actually see the poops later, ok sweetie? God.]
3. Last night she sat on her potty with no diaper for about 10 minutes while I read to her. She didn’t “produce” anything, but obviously she’s gotten past the stage of being scared to sit on the potty except when she’s fully dressed.
4. My parents are coming to visit next week. My dad keeps hassling me about “when are you gonna potty-train that child?” So hey, guess what, Dad? If you’re staying at my house, you can help! Lucky, lucky you!

This morning I asked on Twitter what supplies I need for potty-training. Then Catie and I went shopping. Here’s what the Internet recommended I get.

Potty Training Essentials

In case you can’t tell, here’s a rundown of what’s in that photo: a potty chair, a potty ring (it’s Dora, of course; I’m hoping that since Catie picked it out, that means she’ll be more likely to sit on it), a giant-ass tote bag to hold the potty ring when we go out (since my diaper bag isn’t going to cut it anymore), some big-girl panties, some Pull-Ups for nighttime, M&M’s to use as bribes, Lysol, Oxi-Clean, carpet cleaner, and Post-Its (to cover the auto-flush sensors in public restrooms so it doesn’t flush while she’s sitting & scare her to death). Oh, and that’s a bottle of Grey Goose vodka in front. I didn’t buy that today, though, that’s been in the freezer for a while. Still, I have a feeling that it’s going to be a vital part of this process.

Not pictured: the other two dozen pairs of big-girl panties that Catie has recently acquired. Laundry detergent. Towels. My mop. The extra potty chair that’s been in the upstairs bathroom for over 6 months. The books about using the potty. Elmo’s “Potty Time” DVD. Oh, and my sanity and patience, which will hopefully survive this process intact.

Is there anything else I’m missing that you think I need to have? Please let me know.