about The Guy

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I keep thinking about things I should write about, and typically I use this blog as a way to sort of write out what’s going on in my head, because it helps me process things if I can put them into words. But lately, there’s only one subject that keeps coming to mind.

The Guy.

I don’t even know where to start with this.

We’ve been seeing each other since March. For a long time, he was just one of a few different guys that I was dating. He was seeing other people too. We both got separated around the same time last year, so neither of us was ready to jump into any serious relationship “thing” right away.

But we sort of kept gravitating back to each other. He’s sweet and kind and smart and funny and geeky and all of those traits that attract me. He brought me flowers on Mother’s Day. He texts me every day without fail (typically many times a day). I can be nerdy or goofy or sarcastic or whatever, and he “gets” me. His kids are a little older than mine (they’re 8 and 5), but they’re close enough that he has a pretty good idea of what my life is like.

He calls me Sweetie.

A couple of months ago, I said something to my mom about how I really liked him. She started getting upset, telling me that I shouldn’t be getting serious about anyone yet, what about the kids, yadda yadda…

Then she said, “I mean, go ahead and have your fun, just don’t fall in love with the guy.”

*blink… blink-blink*

After taking a minute to process that, I said, “Uhhh… Mom? Did you just tell me to go get laid?”

She said, “I can’t believe I said that. Forget that. And don’t you dare blog about it!”

(Sorry, Mom! It was too funny to leave it. I laughed for days about that one.)

[For the record, as far as my mom’s concerns about the kids: he’s met Lucy a couple of times, because she’s so young that I don’t worry about her questioning who this person is or what my connection is to him or how he fits into our lives. He met Catie once for about ten seconds, when he came to the door to pick me up and the girls were with a sitter. He was introduced as “Mommy’s friend,” I didn’t hug or kiss him or even touch him in front of her, and she was so distracted by having the baby-sitter there that I think he barely registered on her radar.]

Anyway, as for me “going and having my fun”… that part? With him? Uh. Well. I try to keep my blog relatively safe in case any family members happen to read it, so let’s just leave it at HOLY FREAKING OMG WOW YOU GUYS.

Ahem. So. Yeah.

I don’t know exactly what it was that triggered it, but it’s starting to sink in that he has become much more than just a guy I’m casually dating. I really, genuinely care about him a lot. This was not supposed to happen, I was not supposed to like somebody this much so soon, but there it is.

And the weird part, is that realizing this – realizing how deep my feelings are for him (and no, I’m not saying the L-word because I just can’t bring myself to go quite there yet) – brought up a whole mess of fears and anxieties that I didn’t even know I had. I was suddenly crying constantly. Which is particularly noteworthy since I normally have a hard time crying. But here I am, closing myself in the bathroom after the kids are asleep so they don’t hear me, and sobbing my eyes out.

I try so hard to live my life with this constant attitude of “no, it’s cool, I’ve got this.” I hate the idea of feeling like a victim. I don’t want to be whiny or needy. So I try to give off this illusion of super competence. Truthfully, I am absolutely terrified of getting hurt again.

And on Monday, when I texted him and said that I was feeling stupidly weepy and emotional? Rather than run for the hills, he texted me back immediately and asked if he could take me to lunch so I could talk. He held my hand across the table while I talked and tried not to cry again.

(I hate crying in public. I find it mortifying. I’d rather fall down, or have a wardrobe malfunction, or accidentally fart or God, just ANYTHING, but don’t make me cry in front of strangers. That’s one level of humiliation I can’t handle.)

After lunch, he walked me to my car and he hugged me and petted my hair for about 5 minutes in the parking lot.

And afterward, I felt so much calmer. I’m not crying anymore. I think I’m almost (dare I say it) happy?

I don’t know what to make of this, y’all. This was so not part of the plan. But I think it’s good.

16 thoughts on “about The Guy”

  6. The good ones are never “part of the plan” it seems. After a string of bad relationships years ago I decided to have my first casual fling. It wasn’t supposed to outlast the night…then it wasn’t supposed to outlast the summer. After six years of dating we are now engaged and planning our wedding for next year.

    Crap…I’m not trying to be all…wow you’ll marry him! Sorry. ANYWAY…I’m happy that you have found someone who is treating you well and gives you something to smile about.

  7. Wow, that’s pretty awesome news. He sounds absolutely wonderful! Did you ever read the blog Uncommon Julia? I feel like you’re on the same trajectory. When you meet somebody who totally gets where you’ve been and where you are, it’s a healing experience. I say feel what you need to feel, and you will be fine.

  8. I am happy for you. I know I found “The Guy” for me at the moment I least expected, right before my divorce was finalized. I didn’t want to have anything serious, and I was very happy with the new skilled I had started to exercise (knowing when boys weren’t worth my time and walking away, instead of hanging on because someone wanted to date me.) He was supposed to one of the ones that I didn’t really connect with and didn’t see after a a date or two. Well, two years later we are engaged and starting to plan the wedding (wish I could skip that and go directly to marriage). These things can’t be planned, and it seems the surest way to guarantee that it will happen is to think it I need time to myself and be perfectly happy with with that plan.

  10. Plans rarely happen. Life tends to get in the way of plans. If he treats you well and makes you happy, that’s all that really matters. The rest will work itself out. Congrats lady. 🙂
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  12. “Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.” Just go with the flow, girl. You spend 99% of your life taking care of people & making plans that involve you & them & everything in between, so just try to let this happen. Easier said than done, yes? Trust your instincts.

    Six years ago, after three years of being a somewhat-happy single mom, I agreed to meet an old friend (read: a guy I went out with a couple of times in high school & hadn’t seen in the 15 years since) for dinner while he was in town visiting his parents. That was Fourth of July weekend, & on Halloween of that same year we bought a house (halfway across the country) together, got engaged the next January & were married by the following July. It was a very busy–and highly unplanned–year! NONE of it made sense, & I couldn’t make it “logical” to the umpteen family & friends that questioned my sanity (& parenting skills). Five years later? Obviously I knew what I was doing…and you do, too. *hugs*

  13. Aww, it makes me so happy to hear that you’ve found someone who treats you like you deserve! All those feelings are sneaky, scary bastards, but dealing with them with him will make a world of difference (I experienced – and dealt with – the same when I met C).
    xoxo

  15. What you wrote reminded me of the “life is what happens while you’re busy making other plans” Lennon quote. Happy that you’re happy. Have all the sailor fun you want haha 😉 & if it keeps progressing, then that’s good…so long as he’s deserving of you & it sounds like he is. OT, watching this show called my life is a lifetime movie, this episode reminds me of what you went through. So happy after all the dark, you’re in a light & cheery place. 🙂

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