So. The fish died. All three of them. I’m a very efficient fish killer. The key appears to be forgetting to pre-treat the water. You’re welcome. (Also, whoops.)
Catie handled it so-so. There were a lot of tears, but then she got excited when I told her we could go to the pet store to pick out new fish. So, you know. We cope, we move on. Such is life.
Rest in peace, Mario, Luigi, and Yoshi.
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I don’t usually go this long between blog posts, and I think that staying in my own head this much is probably not good for me. The issue is that I’m not sure what to share, how much is too much. I’m having trouble deciding exactly where my boundaries are.
At the same time, writing things out usually makes me feel much better. So I should probably be doing more of that.
Where to start…
My mom is insisting that I need to see a therapist. She’s concerned about the dating thing. She thinks that I was so starved for affection in my marriage, that I’m greedy for it now.
[Side note: I know some people in Dave’s family still read this blog, and that previous sentence might upset them. All I can say to that is that the only two people who knows what goes on in a marriage are the two people in it. We each have our perceptions of what things were like, and that perception colors our reality. I’m not going to say anything negative about Dave himself, because I don’t need to. But I’m allowed to talk about my own personal experience. Also – if you don’t like the fact that I’m not going to be all happy & joyous about my failed marriage, perhaps you shouldn’t be reading my blog anymore. And yes, I see when you visit here on my stat counter.]
So, yeah. Apparently I’m greedy for affection, attention, positive reinforcement, etc., from men. Maybe that’s true. I don’t necessarily see the harm. If I want to flirt and have guys tell me that I’m cute, how is that such a bad thing?
I guess I could see it possibly being negative if the kids were being exposed to any of it. But the only difference is that occasionally they have a baby-sitter in the evenings, which is usually a big fun event for them. They aren’t being introduced to some revolving door of men or anything even remotely like that.
There’s really no reason for this picture to be here, except that I’m talking about myself, and good lord, I do love my hairstylist.
The therapy issue is kind of a weird topic for me. I was in therapy for a while last year during most of the really horrible stuff (both before and after the separation). And I’ve been in therapy a couple of other times in my life. In theory, I know it’s a positive thing, I know it helps people. But for me, personally? I’ve never gotten anything out of therapy. I think I have a fair amount of self-awareness already, and I typically leave therapy sessions feeling exactly the same as I did when I walked in the door. That’s not how it’s supposed to work, right?
(And don’t tell me to go to a support group for single/divorced parents, because I’ve heard that suggestion too, and OMG I would rather bash my own forehead into a hard, bumpy surface than endure that.)
I suppose you could make the argument that if it doesn’t work for me, I need a different therapist. And that might be an entirely valid point.
There’s a lot more I’d like to say about the issue of dating, but that’s at least 5 more blog posts right there, and this is probably long enough.
The upshot here is that I probably will give therapy one more shot, mainly to make my mom happy, so she can know that at least I tried. Maybe I’ll even learn something this time around. Who knows.
I’m of the opinion that therapy will work – but only if you want it to. Also, I think that twitter and blogging are a form of therapy, as well as having your own group of friends who are going through the same things as you are.
I think dating is great and I’m glad you’re getting your feet wet. As long as you’re not rushing into anything (which, duh, you’re not), then I think it’s all good.
You’ve come a long way, friend. You deserve some flirting and compliments. 🙂
I love your hairstyle too. So cute.
I tend to overthink stuff. So for me, therapy is just one more place to overthink stuff some more. So I get where you are coming from. Oddly, when I need to work something out, I got a lot more peace after running on the treadmill.
Poor Mario, Luigi and Yoshi…they are missed! 🙂
So glad you are dating and happy and therapy can work, but it also depends on how much you’re willing to share. I’ve learned that I’m not really up to sharing everything with a therapist. So it only 1/2 works and it usually makes me cry! Ha!
Love ya!! Miss ya!
I think your hair looks great!
Recently my brother and my best friend went through divorces and I have a question that I would like to ask them but t don’t have the guts to. So I thought I might ask you and maybe you can help me see their situation better.
Why do you want to date? It seems like, after such a difficult experience, starting another relationship would be quite an ugly prosepect.
Thanks in
okay…mom is being “mom”.
jane asks why you would want to date.
i would think it is a sign that you are moving on…you are young…you want to have fun.
i appears to me you are being responsible about the children aspect.
i was more concerned when you were skyping than this.
everyone has your best interest…but you are an adult (and seemingly a very level headed one)…
go forth…date…party…and live your life.
Cindy reading your tweets and blog I can see you are an amazing mother you are very careful with your kids and that’s great so yes you deserve some “cindy time” or more to the point “cindy I am single I am a woman an I am alive” time!!! You could have caved and gave up after the past couple of years but no you have pulled it together and carried on! You are a strong gorgeous girl and you deserve to go forth and flirt/Skype or whatever else makes you feel happy! Xxxxxxx hugs
I’ll go to the support groups with you. They have free stuff with their group name slapped all over them, right? Like t-shirts and terrycloth wrist bands. Donuts and hazelnut coffee. Pencils and pamphlets.
I’ll even bring an “Eye of the Tiger” cassingle to play in the dirty boom box. I mean, ya never know! It might inspire some positive air punching and footloose-like moves that will Dry! Those! Tears! from Sobby Sally’s face. And she’ll be so grateful… for the dry face and for the cassingle I just loaned her. I mean, I’m not gonna *give* it to her because that shiz is worth money on Ebay.
See Cindy? We save lives. We are The Therapy.
Wait… why was I commenting again?
I think therapy is for when you have nobody to listen to your anguish, or you need help getting unstuck. I don’t see you needing those services. At this point I think all they can do for you is commiserate with all you have to adjust to that is negative.
Regarding your mom’s comments, well, of course she would have an opinion. Show me the mother who would not! I’m not sure how to delineate when exactly things go sour, but it fits that when they do, there’s a love deficit. Especially if you tried to therapy your way back, there was a time of less love. I just think it’s normal circa social person to want to mix with others. I say enjoy this time.
Truthfully I don’t see you really needing therapy. You’ve gone on some dates, okay. You’re getting your feet wet I don’t see a big deal with it. It’s nice to go out to an adult dinner and have a nice conversation.
As for the group divorce therapy I say no to it. Some people may see those groups as awesome but I see them as a big husband (or wife) bashing and you’re not in that situation.
You have a great group of friends that you can lean on and talk to when you need it. You don’t need to talk to your mom about everything. Go to one session of therapy and see if the therapist sees a need for you to continue. I honestly think you’re doing well right now. (And this is coming from someone who goes to therapy.)
I tried therapy once…initially couples therapy, then some individual stuff with the same therapist. I am clearly not cut out for it since I almost blinded myself rolling my eyes every few seconds. Maybe I just didn’t have the right therapist, either…it certainly seems to work for some people. I think blogging is a great form of therapy, though, as long as you’re being honest with yourself. Screw everyone else. 😉
You sound like you have a great mom. And it makes total sense to me that you would want some time when you’re just you.