life, right now

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Dave moved out last week.

Today, I’m meeting with a divorce attorney for the first time.

My heart is broken.

I don’t usually blog about the bad stuff when it happens. Mainly because so many people in my family read this site, but also because I worry about my girls growing up and reading this stuff someday. I worry about what they’ll think of it.

And oh God, y’all. My girls. My heart hurts more for them than it does for myself. I feel like I failed them. My parents have been married for over 40 years, it never even occurred to me when I got married that it might not last forever. That just wasn’t an option in my mind.

I don’t want to get into details or place blame. A lot of things went wrong. And they’ve been going wrong for a while. I don’t want this, but the decision isn’t entirely up to me.

This is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Please keep us in your thoughts, as I imagine that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.

58 thoughts on “life, right now”

  2. Oh, honey. I’m so sorry. Divorce is hard, especially with little kids. You’ll be okay, though. It’ll get better. Promise.

  3. Wow, so sorry to hear that. 🙁 Having been there, I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible. Sorry again.

  4. Love you so much. I’m here if you need anything. ANYTHING at all. You know that.

    I’m so sorry for everything you are going through and will be thinking about you LOTS later today.

    (((hugs))) XOXO

    See you in 2 weeks!

  7. * big big big hugs*

    WOW, I am so sorry about this. I can’t imagine what you are going through. You guys will be in my thoughts.

  8. Oh, I’m so sorry. Sending you lots of virtual hugs and well-wishes for today and the days to come. Hang in there.

  9. I am so so sorry. This without a doubt, sucks. I can’t tell you anything that’s going to make it hurt any less but I can say that you’re in the right community. We won’t key you go through this alone, that I can promise.

  10. I love you so much and I HATE that you’re going through this now. You don’t deserve to hurt. I so hope you can find the strength you need for yourself and your girls.

    Please, WHATEVER you need that I can do for you from afar, I’m here for you. IM me, text me, email me, anything. I’m here and your friends are here for you. Use us.

    Give your girls extra kisses.

  12. You know where to find me. I am SO proud of the strength and class you have shown. Your girls are a fine example of the wonderful heart you have and the wise person you are. Best of luck today. Let me know how it goes. xoxoxo

  14. I’m so sorry, Cindy. My heart is breaking for you. I’ve been there. If you have questions, need to talk, get in touch with me. Love you. Hug those babies.

  15. Oh Cindy! My heart breaks for you. I split with my ex when my daughter was only 10 months old. I never thought I would be whole again. I’ll keep all you of you in my heart and prayers. Please know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. The best gift you can give your girls is to be the very best or friends with their daddy. It may seem impossible right now but in time it will come. Sending you big hugs and lot’s of love from Toronto.

  16. Oh God, Cindy. My heart sank when I saw this. Because I know that feeling. I’m so sorry. Giving you a huge hug from afar. Lots of love and strength to you and your girls. If you need anything, please reach out. xoxo

  17. There aren’t any words that will make right what you’re going through. I’m so sorry. I know that no matter what happens you will reach the other side because you are one of the strongest people I know. We’re here for you, whatever you need.

  18. My heart is breaking for you all. I wish there was something I could do or say to take away some of the pain. Just know that I am here for you if you need anything at all . Thinking of you guys now and for all the days to come.

  19. My heart goes out to you and your girls. I know it is so hard to write about and share, but I am sure it will help you get through this hardest of times. Your community of friends are here to support you, even if it may only be through positive thoughts sent to you with wishes of future happiness for you and your family. ((hug))

  22. I’m so sorry. So very sorry. Let me just say this: You didn’t fail anyone. And I’ll be thinking of you, for sure.

  23. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You will be okay, I just know it. You have so many people holding you up right now. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other, and put all you focus and love into those two precious girls. Remember, always take the high road, no matter how hard it is. xoxo

  24. Oh sweetheart. Sigh. I’m so very, very sorry. I know this feeling and it’s horrible. I wish I could help you in some way. I’m here though if you want to talk.

    Huge, huge hugs friend.

  25. Know that all your Mississippi girls are here for you if you need anything. Hugs and I will be thinking about y’all. If you ever need someone to talk to I will message you my number.

  26. Oh Cindy. I’m sorry you have to go through something so difficult. You have a large and loving network of friends and cheerleaders right here (I’m one of them!) so please lean on us whenever you feel it’s right. We’ll be patiently standing by with hugs and love.

    xoxo

  27. Cindy I am so sorry you are hurting:( I know you have lots of friends, an I hope that you know I am one of them and I am always here if you need to talk, need a distraction, whateves, count on me to be here for you! Sending hugs, love, prayers for you and your girls! Xoxo- @mcsmilemaker

  32. Honey, I’m so very very sorry you are joining this club.

    It is one of the most life changing events you will ever go through.

    It’s hard and scary and sad and terrifying.

    But you have a great support system here. You are not, nor will you ever be alone.

    We’ll pick you up when you fall, we’ll carry the load when you need to put it down. We’ll walk beside you until you see the light again.

  34. Cindy~ I am sorry. You are not alone. Many of the sweet ladies on here have helped me through. I am so sorry. Please DM if you need to talk. You are in my thoughts and prayers. This sucks all the way around. Hugs and love.

  36. I cried when I read this. I’m so sorry Cindy. I know you don’t know me in real life but I can offer this to you, all the support you need over text, email, Facebook, Twitter wherever. And if you really need it I offer my excellent nanny services complete with references. I can fly down for a long weekend. So hit me up I’m here for you! <3

  37. (insert string of expletives here)
    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. xoxo

  40. Just seeing this now. I’m so sorry you have to go through this. If there’s anything a virtual friend like me can do, let me know. Many hugs to you today and the times ahead. You WILL get through this. Even if it’s one breath at a time.

  42. I am so sorry to hear this. I will be thinking and praying for you and your girls. We will support you..

  46. I don’t know that I know what to say, but want to add to the virtual love being sent your way. Thinking of you and your girls.

  47. Dear Cindy,
    I love reading your blog and reading all about your gorgeous girls and how you parent your girls (you are such a great mother). I have never commented before and I am so sorry this is the first comment I have left – I am so very sorry to read your news. Please know that this stranger on the other side of the world is thinking of you and your girls. You are a strong lady and the best Mum to your girls. Look after yourself. Hugs xxxx

  50. Cindy, I am heartbroken for you right now. And even sorrier that I didn’t know when I asked why you were on your own. I only want you to know one thing right now and it’s this. You have not failed your beautiful girls in ANY way, even though it feels like that. I know how it feels, because I have walked this road. My husband left too and I felt that I could have stopped it, I should have done something different, what did I do that caused it, and on and on. But the biggest thing that I did that I would change now, in hindsight is that I thought I had caused this and failed my children in some terrible way. I get that, but you are an amazing mother. I have always admired you on Twitter – you have strength and poise and you love your girls more than anything. So, believe this, your girls know they are loved by you and they always will and nothing that happens in life will change that.

    I am here. Please know that. You may not know me at all, but I know that I can be there just to listen, or advice or just let you vent. It’s a difficult, challenging and confusing time, but you will get through it. You already are getting through it. But you need a safe place for the days when you want to cry, to vent, to grieve. Use the women on Twitter, we are your support. I will DM my phone number and email and you can reach out any time. I will check in with you too.

    Hugs sweet lady. You are an amazing mother and person and don’t forget that in the midst of all this turmoil and pain. Please don’t.

    With love, hugs, and much support,
    Tricia xxx

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