life, right now

Dave moved out last week.

Today, I’m meeting with a divorce attorney for the first time.

My heart is broken.

I don’t usually blog about the bad stuff when it happens. Mainly because so many people in my family read this site, but also because I worry about my girls growing up and reading this stuff someday. I worry about what they’ll think of it.

And oh God, y’all. My girls. My heart hurts more for them than it does for myself. I feel like I failed them. My parents have been married for over 40 years, it never even occurred to me when I got married that it might not last forever. That just wasn’t an option in my mind.

I don’t want to get into details or place blame. A lot of things went wrong. And they’ve been going wrong for a while. I don’t want this, but the decision isn’t entirely up to me.

This is, without a doubt, the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Please keep us in your thoughts, as I imagine that things are going to get a lot worse before they get better.

58 thoughts on “life, right now

  1. Such a difficult thing to go through. Seeing all the comments, love and support here I hope reminds you that you aren’t alone and that we’re all here for you, in spirit and in person if you need it.

  2. I just want to add my voice to all of the support. I think you are amazing and I know you’ll get thought this grief. Wish I was there to take you out for coffee or take your beautiful girls for an afternoon. Many tight hugs.

  3. So sorry to hear this. Even though I don’t know you personally, I’ve enjoyed your site. It sounds as though you’ve got A LOT of support and love from your friends and family. You are a strong individual, and while this may be a challenge, you will get thru this. You are a wonderful mom to two adorable girls. You and the girls are definitely loved. Take care.

  4. I would have never, ever expected this from you two. I am so, so sorry honey. Huge hugs and lots of love xoxoxo

  5. I’ve been back and forth as to commenting – I’m so behind on reading blogs right now. but I’ve just spent a good chunk of time catching up with you, and I wanted you to know that I’m sorry for all of this.

    Divorce sucks. Life after divorce? Well, I’m much happier now than I was in my first marriage. That doesn’t make the divroce part suck less though.

    I just can’t believe he is moving. Those beautiful girls. I don’t understand how he could possibly be away from those beautiful girls.

    Please let me know if there is anything at all I can do for you.

  6. Huge *HUGS*, & another spoonful of virtual love & support on the pile of love you’ve got here.
    I like the quote above, which I’ve seen before & put to good use–It’ll be okay in the end, and if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

  7. I stumbled into your blog searching for solace in my own divorce. This divorce is the most difficult and painful experience of my life. My wife left me. We have children too. The pain I felt for them was destroying me. My parents and paternal grandparents only married once, and never divorced. I feared (and still do) what this divorce would do to them throughout their lives.

    All that said, you did not fail your children. You won’t fail them unless you disappear from their lives. This divorce is not something you wanted for them or you, and you did not “do this” to them.

    I haven’t read your blog yet, just this entry. So I don’t know how old your kids are. Get them a counselor. I regret that it took so long for my stbx and I to get our kids to a counselor. They have one now, and knowing they have a learned adult who is outside of this mess to help them, and them only, gives me a lot of peace.

    I wish you the best. I don’t have any advice or guidance to give you, other than to take care of yourself with as much love as you give to your kids. I hope you recover well, and that your life is filled with joy and beauty again very soon.

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