For the last few months, I’ve had this really embarrassing issue: I cry at all of my OB appointments.
I guess it’s no big secret that I’ve been dealing with some pretty heavy-duty anxiety issues lately. My doctor’s office is aware of that too. So now, every time one of the doctors walks in and asks how I’m doing, I just lose it. And I hate, hate, HATE crying in front of people. But I can never seem to hold it together.
I think it’s the waiting room that gets to me the most. I sign in for my appointment, and then I have to sit there, surrounded by a bunch of glowing, happy pregnant women, and I feel like I’m… failing. Badly. Like I’m the worst pregnant lady who ever lived, and I don’t deserve this baby, and blah-blah-negative-thoughts-spinning-in-my-head-blah.
Logically, I know that’s bullshit. I know that I’m not the first (or even the millionth) woman to deal with anxiety during pregnancy. But logic is not my strong suit these days. I’m a walking ball of hormones and overactive tear ducts, apparently.
Sometimes I wonder what on earth my doctors have written down about me in my chart. But I think I’m probably better off not knowing.