a whole month

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Yesterday was Cate’s one-month birthday, and today was her one-month doctor’s appointment. She now weighs 8 pounds, 8 1/2 ounces. That’s almost three pounds in a month! I knew she had gained quite a bit, because she has a little bit of a tummy, and she’s starting to get some adorable little fat rolls on her thighs. I think she now looks more like a normal, healthy baby, as opposed to the frighteningly tiny creature that I gave birth to last month. She’s also a couple of inches taller. At her one week appointment, she was in the 5th-10th percentile for height and weight, and now she’s in the 25th-50th percentile for both. Which is just about perfect, if you ask me.

The rest of the visit was all good: she has excellent muscle tone, reflexes, she’s just generally fantastic. As for getting her to sleep longer, the pediatrician nixed the rice cereal idea, which didn’t surprise me. She said what some of y’all said, that it’s an old wives’ tale. She gave me a couple of ideas of things to try, like more white noise – we leave the fan in the bathroom running, and the Pack n’ Play is right outside our bathroom door, but that may not be enough. She also said that there’s nothing wrong with letting her fall asleep in the swing at this point (although after she’s two months old, we’ll need to rethink that). She also suggested giving her more formula at bedtime; as long as she doesn’t spit up, we don’t need to worry that we’re over-feeding her.

But for the most part, it sounds like this lack of sleep is just something I’m going to have to suffer through for the next couple of months, which sucks. I know everyone means well when they tell me that Cate will sleep through the night eventually, but it makes me crazy. Of course I know that she will, but that doesn’t help me right now. For the past week or so, I really have felt like I’m losing my mind. I cry over nothing, and I seem to have this little Black Cloud of Doom hanging over my head all the time. I honestly have no idea if it’s solely sleep deprivation or if maybe I’m developing some degree of post-partum depression, so I don’t know how to deal with it. Do I see a doctor about it now, or wait until I’m a little more rested to see if I feel more like my old self again? I can’t figure it out.

Oh, and I’m officially done with breastfeeding. I was starting to hate it – Cate was barely getting anything from me, and it felt like a waste of time. I’d nurse her whenever she seemed hungry (every 3 hours, usually), and by the time we finished, she’d be starving and screaming her head off. I talked about it with the pediatrician, who’s as much an advocate of breastfeeding as anyone, and even she agreed that it was probably time for me to stop. If my milk supply was ever going to increase, it would’ve happened weeks ago. I gave it my best shot for a month, and that’s got to be enough. I don’t feel guilty and sad about it like I did last time, so I think I’ve made my peace with the whole thing. I’m actually kind of proud of myself for hanging in there as long as I did. 

6 thoughts on “a whole month”

  1. You should be going for your own post partum check in the next few weeks, right? (I can’t remember if it’s 6 or 8 weeks) The night before my appointment, the nurse practitioner called with a questionare the doctor has every patient answer, and when I went in the next day, we talked about PPD and he put me on some meds.
    If you think you can hold out for another couple of weeks, ask your doctor then. If it’s already to the point where you’re having trouble functioning, call the doctor now.
    And since you’re solely bottlefeeding now, is it possible for Dave to take Cate one night (on a weekend, if he’s working), so you can get some uninterrupted sleep?

  2. Good job on making it a whole month! I’m proud of you, too. Now you can relax and take any kind of medicine you want!

    Which, BTW, might not be a bad way to combat the clouds-of-doom. Whether it’s lack of sleep or hormones (I bet it’s both), it still feels like crap. “They” say you should see someone if the sadness is overwhelming. I had that kind of sadness and I didn’t see anyone. I probably should have, but most of it has passed by now.

    Another sleeping tip to add to your collection: Elizabeth slept substantially longer as soon as we moved her out of our bedroom. Apparently, our breathing and moving around in our bed was enough to wake her up on the other side of the room. I don’t know whether you feel ready to move Cate out yet, but when you are ready, it might help.

    I’m sorry I added to your frustration telling you she’ll eventually sleep throught the night- that’s cold comfort right now and I should have known better than to say it. Foot–>>mouth. 🙂

  3. It sounds like Cate is doing wonderfully. My humble opinion from my experience is that you should call your doctor if you’re feeling blue. Hang in there; I promise it gets easier.

  4. My 6-week checkup is on March 13th. I’ll talk to my OB about it then, but the whole thing makes me very nervous. My checkered past with anti-depressants is a whole blog post of its own, believe me.

    Shannon: We tried your idea a few days ago. Dave napped most of the afternoon, so he worked all night and kept Cate in the swing next to his desk so I could sleep. And that was great, although I still woke up every time she made the slightest little noise (the walls in our house are too thin). The problem is, it totally screwed up Cate’s sleep cycles, so the next night she woke up every hour & a half instead of every 3 hours. Ugh.

    We probably do need to try moving her to the nursery, that was another thing that both the pediatrician and my mom suggested.

    Oh, and Cat: you were one of maybe a dozen people who said that, so don’t feel bad. It didn’t start to bug me until the 7th or 8th time I heard it. 🙂

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