nervous tummy

I start the new job tomorrow. I feel scared, unprepared, underqualified…. It’s weird, I can’t remember the last time I felt this way about starting a new job. I’m usually excited and looking forward to it, but this job just seems way too good for me. Like halfway through the first day, they’re going to figure out that I’m not smart enough and fire me. I have never questioned my own intelligence before, it’s one of the few things that I’ve always been confident about, so I don’t know why I suddenly feel shaky now. Maybe it’s because I’ve never done this type of work before, and I’ll be working with hundreds of other engineers who have been doing this for years, and I’m worried that they’re going to think I’m a moron because I’m not walking in the door knowing all of the stuff that they know. What if they think I’m dumb? (For some reason, the mother from Carrie, saying “they’re all going to laugh at you!” keeps looping through my mind.)

Oh, screw this. I’m going to Ikea to buy a medicine cabinet for my bathroom.

Unrelated: I had a date on Friday night. This was the 2nd date with this particular guy. The first date, I was 5-10 minutes early, and he was 5-10 minutes late. No biggie. This time, I was 5 minutes late, and he was TWENTY MINUTES late. I made a comment about how I was going to give him 10 more minutes before I left, and his response was “oh, am I late?” Are you kidding me? You know you’re late, just grow some balls & apologize and be done with it. He’s a nice enough guy, I guess, but he’s sort of boring, and there’s no click or spark or attraction or whatever. Oh, and I think he’s a Republican. Which I find amusing, since he’s a Canadian. So, that will be the last date for him.

However, the place where we had our date was about 2 blocks from my apartment, and I was worried he was going to try to walk me home, so as we were passing Safeway, I made a comment that I needed to just dash in & grab myself some breakfast for tomorrow. So we said goodnight (quick, awkward hug) and went our separate ways. Only I didn’t go to Safeway — I went to the bar across the street, which had been recommended to me earlier in the week by Cute Mover Boy. This bar was a pretty fun place, I got hit on at least 10 times in the first 15 minutes. Many drinks were purchased for me (always a plus). An hour or so later, I had met a very cute guy, given him my phone number AND kissed him goodnight. I seriously doubt he’ll call, and I’m not sure I even want him to because it seems kind of sleazy to pick someone up in a bar like that. But the attention was nice, and I thought it was funny that I had a date and ended up kissing someone who was not my date. Yep, living downtown is going to be fun.