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Lucy turned two months old yesterday. We dressed up a little for the occasion.

(Tutu’ed onesie courtesy of Greis. It’s one of my favorite baby outfits ever.)

She had her two-month pediatrician visit today. Her current stats are:
Height: 22 1/2″
Head circumference: I don’t know, but it’s big. Like 96th percentile. We all have freakishly large heads in this family.
Weight: 12 pounds, 14 ounces

Considering that she was only 7 pounds, 1 ounce at birth, that means she’s almost doubled her weight in two months. I knew that she’d gotten a lot bigger, but DAMN.

“It just means there’s more of me to love.”

She got a few vaccines, which was awful, but overall the visit went well. She’s right on target developmentally.

As for other non-medical stuff, Lucy’s current likes include:
* Ceiling fans.
* Her big sister.
* Baths.
* Mommy’s singing (she might be alone on that one).
* Bottles, boobs, pacifiers… basically anything she can shove in her mouth.

Exhibit A.

And her current dislikes:
* When people break eye contact with her. She wants face-time, all the time.
* Diaper changes.
* Pretty much all baby toys. She doesn’t care yet.
* Being set down anywhere (baby swing, bouncer, baby gym, etc.). She prefers to be held, and it’s just too damn bad if it inconveniences anyone.

Really, for the most part, she’s an incredibly good baby. She’s very smiley and sweet, and yes all newborns are difficult, but she’s just lovely to have around.

I mean, y’all. This girl.

I am just so in love with her.

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The past few days have been a little on the rough side. It’s all temporary stuff, I know, I’ve just been ridiculously insane a little hormonal, and it’s been hard. I’m calling my doctor to talk about changing my meds (or increasing the dosage) because I don’t feel like myself at all, so I’m being proactive and trying to fix it. Objectively, I know that my life is pretty awesome: great family and friends, two beautiful kids, everybody’s healthy, Dave & I both have good jobs, we have a nice house, etc. We’re the freaking American Dream over here. There’s no logical reason for me to feel so mopey, and I know that, so I’m going to get help for it.

And I also know that once I start getting a little more sleep on a consistent basis, and feeling a little more stable on the whole work/mom/wife front, things will get easier. Or they should.

But in the meantime, I thought I’d write down a few things that have cracked me up lately, because (a) y’all probably don’t want to read a bunch of depressing crap about my moodiness, and (b) I need to be reminded that The Funny is still here.

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1. A few nights ago, Lucy was being really fussy for no discernible reason (babies are like that sometimes, you know), and Dave was trying to calm her down while I took care of Catie’s bedtime routine. After she screamed her head off for a good long while, she finally collapsed from exhaustion. On Dave’s face.

Ok, mostly on his jaw, but still. That picture cracks me up.

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2. While changing Lucy’s diaper, she peed on the changing table, so while I was holding her in the air trying to clean it up (and she was diaper-less, of course), she peed again. And it got all over Catie’s backpack.

Catie’s reaction was to cry, “Lucy just PEES on everything and this is why we should send her to live with somebody else!”

I told her that I only have two babies and I plan on keeping both of them. Also, maybe she should stop leaving her stuff in her baby sister’s room, particularly right next to the changing table.

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3. The way Catie says “ridiculous.” She keeps telling me that stuff is “ri-dick-lee-ous.” Love it.

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4. I got this adorable monogrammed onesie as a baby gift from my aunt and uncle.

I called my mom and described it to her over the phone.

My mom: “Oh, I don’t like that.”

Me: “What? It’s cute! What do you mean?”

Mom: “I don’t think it’s safe for kids to have their names printed on their clothes like that.”

Me: “Mom, she’s 7 weeks old. You think someone’s going to call her name and she’s going to go running to them?”

Mom: “Huh. Good point.”

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5. A few nights ago, “Independence Day” was on TV and I was watching it while Catie played upstairs in her room. She came downstairs, I was about to change the channel (because, you know, it’s not exactly a kid-friendly movie), but before I could, she asked me what I was watching.

Me: “Oh, it’s just a movie about bad aliens that come to Earth. But it’s all silly make-believe stuff.” (I try to be very nonchalant about potentially scary stuff so she doesn’t get freaked out.)

Catie: [sees the shot of Air Force One in mid-flight] “Is that the aliens’ spaceship?”

Me: “No, that’s the President’s airplane. But see, in this pretend movie, they say that he [pointing at Bill Pullman] is the President. And you know that our President is Obama, right? And he doesn’t look anything like that, does he?”

Catie: “No, that’s silly! That’s not Obama! Obama has short hair just like Baby Sister!”

Yeah. I can totally see that. Lucy and Barack Obama are basically twins, aren’t they?

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Baby starts crying.

Baby #1: Immediately pick up and console.

Baby #2: “Sorry, kid, but your mama has to pee so you’re just going to have to scream for about 90 seconds. I promise you won’t be scarred for life.”

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Baby spits up all over you.

Baby #1: “OMG! Bathe the baby and change her clothes! Take a shower and change my clothes! Clean everything! AAACCKKK!!!”

Baby #2: Don’t worry about it. Later, ask your spouse if he minds holding the baby so you can rinse the dried baby puke out of your hair. In the sink. You know, all classy-like.

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Baby has a massive blow-out poo-splosion diaper.

Baby #1: Run around like a headless chicken trying to figure out how you are going to clean all of this poop, because holy hell you need a gas mask and a haz-mat suit. Scream things at your spouse, like, “Hold her hands! Don’t let her put her hands in the OHMYGOD EWWW THAT IS SO NASTY!!”

Baby #2: Pretty much the same reaction. Poop is gross, man.

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Grocery shopping.

Baby #1: Take her out with you at every possible moment, both because you can’t stand the idea of being away from her for more than 5 minutes, but also because you kind of want to show her off.

Baby #2: You will be willing to pay someone hard-earned cash to come watch your kid so you don’t have to take her to the store with you. Grocery shopping alone becomes your “me time.”

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You need to shower.

Baby #1: Carefully arrange your hygiene schedule around the time that your spouse is available to take care of the baby.

Baby #2: Drag the bouncy seat into the bathroom, plop the baby down, and take your damn shower already.

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The baby sleeps for five (5!!) consecutive, uninterrupted hours.

Baby #1: Call everyone you know and alert them to this new development because, haaa! You will be well-rested and less crazy from this day forward! Hooray!!

Baby #2: Don’t tell a soul for fear of jinxing it the way you did last time, dumbass.**

**Note that the previous statement is NOT an admission that she slept for 5 hours, ok? And I certainly didn’t admit that she slept for 5 hours the last two nights in a row. Now everyone throw some salt over their shoulder or cross their fingers or say a prayer or something because OMG no jinxes pleeeeeeease!

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Things that happened this week that I totally forgot to blog about because, hot damn, y’all, I am TIRED.

1. My brother and sister came over from Charlotte last weekend to hang out. That was fun, even though I completely forgot to take any pictures whatsoever.

2. Everyone (my brother, my sister, and my mom) went back to their respective homes on Sunday. We were very sad about that. Or at least, Catie and I were sad; Lucy honestly didn’t seem to notice much.

3. I survived 48 hours on solo parent duty with a four year-old and a newborn.

That probably seems like nothing to some people, but for me, it felt like a pretty major accomplishment.

4. Dave got back from England on Tuesday evening. Thank God.

5. Also on Tuesday: I started back to work. And Lucy turned 6 weeks old.

Whaaa? Where does the time go?

6. I moved Lucy to her crib, because she’s such a light sleeper that she wakes up if I so much as roll over or clear my throat. I thought maybe we might all get some more sleep that way. She’s spent the last 2 nights in her crib, and it’s been semi-successful. She’s gone from sleeping 2.5 hours at a time to sleeping 3 hours at a time, so… yay? I guess? I’ll celebrate once she’s consistently sleeping 4+ hours at a time. (Soon. Please, God, let it be soon.)

7. I’m finally starting to feel the post-partum crazies set in. I know that it’s just the accumulation of several weeks’ worth of exhaustion, and it’s all stuff that will pass as soon as I get some rest. But this has not been my best week, to put it mildly.

8. We have no plans this weekend, and I am so looking forward to that. I might not get out of my pajamas until Monday.

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