treading water

Last week, a friend told me that I seem to be handling all of my recent life events in an unusually calm manner.

I laughed. I told her that she should take a look inside my head sometime. Apparently I’m pretty good at faking like I’m ok when I’m an absolute mess on the inside.

The truth is, I’m completely overwhelmed. I’m trying to juggle two kids, a full-time job, as well as the process of selling our house, all by myself. It would be panic-inducing on its own. Top it off with the fact that Lucy currently wakes up at least two times per night? The exhaustion factor means that I spend a lot of time feeling like I’m about to lose it.

Oh, and there’s the whole post-partum depression thing too. Let’s not even get into that. The timing of all of this could be a lot better.

I spend a lot of time wishing that I could crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and stay there for at least a couple of weeks.

For better or worse, these two seem to make that impossible.

Catie (& alligator) snuggle on Lucy.

Freaking kids, man. They have all these needs.

So, yeah, I’m functioning because I don’t really have any other choice. Falling apart isn’t an option right now.

I’m incredibly grateful for all of the people who check in on me to see how I’m doing. Honestly, I’m so, so thankful for my support system.

Speaking of my support system, my brother came up this past weekend to help me rearrange furniture and start getting the house organized. We also hung out and watched movies, and he bonded with his new niece.

Lucy loves snuggling with her Uncle Chris

That was really nice, I needed that break.

And more of my support system is still on its way. Greis is coming for a visit this weekend. Her trip was planned months ago, and was supposed to be a fun girls’ weekend. Now it’s turned into a “hey, come stay at my house and hold my baby while I pack boxes” sort of visit. Which sucks, but I have a feeling we’ll still manage to sneak in at least one margarita at some point during the weekend.

Next week, my mom is coming up. She’s driving up rather than flying, so she can stay for an indefinite amount of time. She’s basically moving in for at least a couple of months, to help me get everything sorted out. I can’t begin to describe how grateful I am for that. My mom is my anchor, and I really need her right now.

So, I know I’m going to be ok, mainly because so many people around me are there to catch me if I fall. It’s a comforting thought, and it’s what’s keeping me afloat right now.

12 thoughts on “treading water

  1. I’m so glad you have such a great support system. How invaluable during what’s not an easy time. And, oh my, I hope you get that margarita!

    Thinking of you, Cindy.

  2. Ducks. That’s what I likened it to.

    Calm above water, where you can see me.

    Underneath? Paddling like hell.

    I promise you, you’ll get to where you’re lazily enjoying the water and not pushing to stay above it.

  3. You are so strong. Your girls are so lucky to have you.

    I’ll do whatever you need me to do while I’m there this weekend. It’s a fun friend (girl’s) weekend whether we’re packing up boxes or drinking margarita’s!!

    Heck, I’ll keep the girls entertained while you nap, I know you need it.

    Can’t wait to see you! 2 MORE SLEEPS!!

    XOXO

  4. There’s a song that they play on the radio a lot here…part of the chorus goes “I don’t know if I’ll make it, but watch how good I’ll fake it.” This has become my mantra. While I’m not going through your situation, I’m going through my own kind of hell right now and I sing this line over and over in my head all day long.

    I also find myself repeating Dory’s (from Findint Nemo) life motto…Just keep swimming, just keep swimming…

    That’s all you really can do, keep swimming, for yourself and for those gorgeous girls.

  5. I? Think you are an amazing person. I know it seems impossible at times, but you will make it through this storm and will be all the more stronger for it. I mean hell, your gonna be married again in just a couple of years, right?! Lol! I’m teasing! Sending hugs and love from AZ! xoxo
    P.S. Omg that sile on little Lucy’s face?!! ADORBS!!!

  6. I can only imagine how difficult each of these things is individually, never mind all at once. 🙁 So glad you have such supportive people in your life. <3

  7. *waving pom poms and kicking up my leg* Geaux Cindy!

    Okay now that I’ve knocked my hip out of socket… just keep talking. Confiding in that small, tight circle that makes you feel comfortable and safe. You are doing WONDERFULLY! Do you realize that? You are. You really are.

    XO

  8. You are doing so much better than you realize. I think there is a reason that saying, fake it till you make it, was created. Because it’s so true. When you have little kids, I’m not sure there is any other way to do this but fake it.

    I am thrilled to hear that your mom will be staying for a bit. It may give you the chance to grieve a bit.

    Huge, huge hugs to you.

  9. Having a support system can make you so much stronger than you think you are. You are strong and an amazing mama. You’re doing such an amazing job showing your girls what a strong woman looks like.

    So glad your mom is able to stay with you for a while. I can only imagine what her helping hands will mean for you.

    Love you and I think about you every day. Hang in there kiddo, you’ll make it through.

  10. You have an amazing support system, two beautiful and wonderful children (doing good juju dance so Lucy sleeps) and I believe you will get through this in the right amount of time. I’m really glad your brother came up (gah that picture is so cute!) and Greis is coming and then your mom. It’s going to be great to have your mom there.

    Love ya.

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