Comments on: do I sound defensive? Or normal? (And do I even want to know the answer to that?) http://www.poobou.com/2009/11/16/do-i-sound-defensive-or-normal-and-do-i-even-want-to-know-the-answer-to-that/ The blog of a girl and her family, trying to re-adjust to life in the South after spending the past decade north of the Mason-Dixon line. Hilarity is sure to ensue. Sun, 21 Mar 2010 15:51:49 -0400 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.6 hourly 1 By: TracyKM http://www.poobou.com/2009/11/16/do-i-sound-defensive-or-normal-and-do-i-even-want-to-know-the-answer-to-that/comment-page-1/#comment-612285 TracyKM Sun, 31 Jan 2010 03:03:02 +0000 http://www.poobou.com/?p=1702#comment-612285 Potty Training a one year old? FOr most of the world, that is normal. It's only the 'modern' world that teaches babies to pee/poop in diapers and then a few years later try to teach them to do it in a toilet, LOL. Elimination communication is a new 'trend' in parenting, but it's actually historically, the way babies were taught to put their pee/poop in a potty from birth. If I could do it all over again, I'd give EC a try for sure :) Potty Training a one year old? FOr most of the world, that is normal. It’s only the ‘modern’ world that teaches babies to pee/poop in diapers and then a few years later try to teach them to do it in a toilet, LOL. Elimination communication is a new ‘trend’ in parenting, but it’s actually historically, the way babies were taught to put their pee/poop in a potty from birth. If I could do it all over again, I’d give EC a try for sure :)

]]> By: TracyKM http://www.poobou.com/2009/11/16/do-i-sound-defensive-or-normal-and-do-i-even-want-to-know-the-answer-to-that/comment-page-1/#comment-612283 TracyKM Sun, 31 Jan 2010 02:59:16 +0000 http://www.poobou.com/?p=1702#comment-612283 SPD is NOT "on the austim spectrum". What it is, is a PDD (Pervasive Developmental Delay) which is the umbrella that autism is also under. Imaginative play is not an issue of SPD. SPD is NOT a bad thing. Having food texture issues is NOT a bad thing but can make life challenging and nutritionally unbalanced. If she gets freaked out about slides and swings, wouldn't you want to do something to help ease that anxiety and let her have some more enjoyable times at the playground? It's not a bad thing, and no, it doesn't have to be 'fixed' (I get through life just fine without roller coasters!)but it can have lasting impact on her vestibular development. Anxiety and SPD often go hand in hand because these kids sensory systems are often on high alert. You can lessen their anxiety by learning how to accomodate their sensory needs (loving being wrapped up in a blanket but hating swings is SO common! Burrito wrapping is actually therapy for children with poor proprioceptive awareness and/or tactile defensiveness). I highly recommend that all parents should read "The Out-of-Sync Child", even if you just think your child is 'quirky' because their parents are, LOL (I am!), there are ways to help them organize their sensory needs and enjoy much more of life. THere are also some great books on what to do with kids with anxiety--but if you know the cause is sensory... However, a daycare provider should not be diagnosing, especially since she doesn't have all her facts straight. What would be wrong with an OT evaluation? It doesn't hurt and can be very insightful (even with 'normal' kids). I want one for myself :) SPD is NOT “on the austim spectrum”. What it is, is a PDD (Pervasive Developmental Delay) which is the umbrella that autism is also under.
Imaginative play is not an issue of SPD.
SPD is NOT a bad thing. Having food texture issues is NOT a bad thing but can make life challenging and nutritionally unbalanced.
If she gets freaked out about slides and swings, wouldn’t you want to do something to help ease that anxiety and let her have some more enjoyable times at the playground? It’s not a bad thing, and no, it doesn’t have to be ‘fixed’ (I get through life just fine without roller coasters!)but it can have lasting impact on her vestibular development.

Anxiety and SPD often go hand in hand because these kids sensory systems are often on high alert. You can lessen their anxiety by learning how to accomodate their sensory needs (loving being wrapped up in a blanket but hating swings is SO common! Burrito wrapping is actually therapy for children with poor proprioceptive awareness and/or tactile defensiveness).
I highly recommend that all parents should read “The Out-of-Sync Child”, even if you just think your child is ‘quirky’ because their parents are, LOL (I am!), there are ways to help them organize their sensory needs and enjoy much more of life. THere are also some great books on what to do with kids with anxiety–but if you know the cause is sensory…
However, a daycare provider should not be diagnosing, especially since she doesn’t have all her facts straight. What would be wrong with an OT evaluation? It doesn’t hurt and can be very insightful (even with ‘normal’ kids). I want one for myself :)

]]> By: Laura http://www.poobou.com/2009/11/16/do-i-sound-defensive-or-normal-and-do-i-even-want-to-know-the-answer-to-that/comment-page-1/#comment-612099 Laura Fri, 29 Jan 2010 22:20:07 +0000 http://www.poobou.com/?p=1702#comment-612099 I am not trying to be a 'b-word' here, but I think while Nicole may be a nice lady, don't listen to her for one second! I mean, come one! Anyone who is potty training a one-year old is a little neurotic, at least IMO. I think you are doing all the right things with your little girl, and although you should keep an eye on anything that you may think is cause for even a little concern, the best person to talk to is your doctor, not a daycare provider. Does she have any training with kids with SPD? Is she even a credentialed teacher? I really wouldn't worry too much about what someone thinks who probably got her medical degree from Google University. Again, I'm not trying to be mean, and I'm sure this woman is lovely, but as all mommies know, every kid is a little different. It sounds to me like your daughter is completely normal. Also, it might be a little confusing for her to be at an "at-home" daycare situation- it isn't school, so it isn't totally structured; it feels like being at home, or at a friend's house, where kids can do what they please and aren't expected to participate in activities they aren't interested in, and, like you said, she is going early when she is not completely rested. All of those reasons could account for why she is not herself at this woman's daycare. My advice is to not freak out, and take this woman's "diagnosis" with a grain of salt. In the meantime, consider looking into alternate arrangements for daycare. There's my 2 cents! ;) I am not trying to be a ‘b-word’ here, but I think while Nicole may be a nice lady, don’t listen to her for one second! I mean, come one! Anyone who is potty training a one-year old is a little neurotic, at least IMO.

I think you are doing all the right things with your little girl, and although you should keep an eye on anything that you may think is cause for even a little concern, the best person to talk to is your doctor, not a daycare provider. Does she have any training with kids with SPD? Is she even a credentialed teacher? I really wouldn’t worry too much about what someone thinks who probably got her medical degree from Google University.

Again, I’m not trying to be mean, and I’m sure this woman is lovely, but as all mommies know, every kid is a little different. It sounds to me like your daughter is completely normal. Also, it might be a little confusing for her to be at an “at-home” daycare situation- it isn’t school, so it isn’t totally structured; it feels like being at home, or at a friend’s house, where kids can do what they please and aren’t expected to participate in activities they aren’t interested in, and, like you said, she is going early when she is not completely rested. All of those reasons could account for why she is not herself at this woman’s daycare.

My advice is to not freak out, and take this woman’s “diagnosis” with a grain of salt. In the meantime, consider looking into alternate arrangements for daycare.

There’s my 2 cents! ;)

]]> By: Al_Pal http://www.poobou.com/2009/11/16/do-i-sound-defensive-or-normal-and-do-i-even-want-to-know-the-answer-to-that/comment-page-1/#comment-611351 Al_Pal Tue, 26 Jan 2010 22:57:29 +0000 http://www.poobou.com/?p=1702#comment-611351 That outfit is made of complete win. Definitely can't go wrong with fashion sense like that!!! That outfit is made of complete win. Definitely can’t go wrong with fashion sense like that!!!

]]> By: Scatteredmom http://www.poobou.com/2009/11/16/do-i-sound-defensive-or-normal-and-do-i-even-want-to-know-the-answer-to-that/comment-page-1/#comment-611320 Scatteredmom Tue, 26 Jan 2010 21:19:16 +0000 http://www.poobou.com/?p=1702#comment-611320 Omg she's so adorable. :) Love the boots! Omg she’s so adorable. :) Love the boots!

]]> By: Melissa http://www.poobou.com/2009/11/16/do-i-sound-defensive-or-normal-and-do-i-even-want-to-know-the-answer-to-that/comment-page-1/#comment-594540 Melissa Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:34:58 +0000 http://www.poobou.com/?p=1702#comment-594540 Hi, I am an occaisonal lurker on here, and decided to be brave and comment since this is a topic I know a little bit about. I think your plan to contact your doctor is a good one, as that is a good place to start whenever you have a concern about your child. If however you and/or doctor are concerned about your daughter's anxiety, you might consider looking in to some play therapy for her as that can be a very helpful and appropriate tool for a 2-3 year old. You can find a registered play therapist in your area by going to the Association for Play Therapy Website (www.a4pt.org) They have them listed by city and state I believe. Also, know that if your daughter did have SPD, it would not mean necessarily that she was on the Autism Spectrum. A lot of kids on the autism spectrum have SPD, but there are also plenty of kids with SPD issues who are not on the autism spectrum. SPD is diagnosed and treated by an occupational therapist, so if you and/or your doctor have concerns, try to find an OT that is well versed in SPD for an evaluation. That is probably way more information than you want or need, but I just thought I would pass it on, just in case. I really enjoy your blog by the way! Hi, I am an occaisonal lurker on here, and decided to be brave and comment since this is a topic I know a little bit about.

I think your plan to contact your doctor is a good one, as that is a good place to start whenever you have a concern about your child. If however you and/or doctor are concerned about your daughter’s anxiety, you might consider looking in to some play therapy for her as that can be a very helpful and appropriate tool for a 2-3 year old. You can find a registered play therapist in your area by going to the Association for Play Therapy Website (www.a4pt.org) They have them listed by city and state I believe.

Also, know that if your daughter did have SPD, it would not mean necessarily that she was on the Autism Spectrum. A lot of kids on the autism spectrum have SPD, but there are also plenty of kids with SPD issues who are not on the autism spectrum. SPD is diagnosed and treated by an occupational therapist, so if you and/or your doctor have concerns, try to find an OT that is well versed in SPD for an evaluation.

That is probably way more information than you want or need, but I just thought I would pass it on, just in case.

I really enjoy your blog by the way!

]]> By: Cindy W http://www.poobou.com/2009/11/16/do-i-sound-defensive-or-normal-and-do-i-even-want-to-know-the-answer-to-that/comment-page-1/#comment-590088 Cindy W Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:10:48 +0000 http://www.poobou.com/?p=1702#comment-590088 Thanks. The problem is, it's an in-home daycare, so it's just this lady (Nicole) who keeps Catie & 1 other child (a baby) along with her own 2 girls. Of her two girls, one is Catie's age (and Catie *adores* her - she tells me all the time that she loves Kiersten) and the other is a baby, around 1 year old. My understanding is that Catie mostly ignores the 2 babies altogether (except for one instance in which the 1 year-old crawled over & pulled out Catie's barrettes - not to be mean, just "ooh, pretty colors! GRAB!" But Catie still talks about how, "Carissa pulled out my hair clips and it hurt and I CRIED and CRIED, Mommy! I had tears in my eyes!" This is WEEKS later. Child does not believe in forgive-and-forget, clearly.) My suggestion to Nicole is that maybe if Catie seems like she isn't too into whatever the activity is... maybe it's ok to let her play by herself? I mean, god. She's an only child, so that's sort of what she's used to at home. And she knows HOW to interact with kids, so I think it's just that there are some times when she isn't in the mood. Honestly, I think there are 2 main things going on here: 1) Catie is probably a bit more tear-prone on daycare days because we have to get up earlier to get here there in time, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, bedtime is a problem and I need to start getting her to bed at a reasonable time so she'll be all rested up for daycare. And, 2) As much as I like Nicole, and I think she's really kind and sweet and lovely, she also strikes me as just a tiny bit rigid with her SuperMom tendencies (case in point: she's currently potty-training the 1 year-old), so I think she overreacts a little bit about kids like mine, who have a boatload of their own little quirks and don't necessarily fit into some parenting book model. So, there's that. We'll see how things go from here. Thanks. The problem is, it’s an in-home daycare, so it’s just this lady (Nicole) who keeps Catie & 1 other child (a baby) along with her own 2 girls. Of her two girls, one is Catie’s age (and Catie *adores* her – she tells me all the time that she loves Kiersten) and the other is a baby, around 1 year old. My understanding is that Catie mostly ignores the 2 babies altogether (except for one instance in which the 1 year-old crawled over & pulled out Catie’s barrettes – not to be mean, just “ooh, pretty colors! GRAB!” But Catie still talks about how, “Carissa pulled out my hair clips and it hurt and I CRIED and CRIED, Mommy! I had tears in my eyes!” This is WEEKS later. Child does not believe in forgive-and-forget, clearly.)

My suggestion to Nicole is that maybe if Catie seems like she isn’t too into whatever the activity is… maybe it’s ok to let her play by herself? I mean, god. She’s an only child, so that’s sort of what she’s used to at home. And she knows HOW to interact with kids, so I think it’s just that there are some times when she isn’t in the mood.

Honestly, I think there are 2 main things going on here:
1) Catie is probably a bit more tear-prone on daycare days because we have to get up earlier to get here there in time, and as I mentioned in an earlier post, bedtime is a problem and I need to start getting her to bed at a reasonable time so she’ll be all rested up for daycare.
And, 2) As much as I like Nicole, and I think she’s really kind and sweet and lovely, she also strikes me as just a tiny bit rigid with her SuperMom tendencies (case in point: she’s currently potty-training the 1 year-old), so I think she overreacts a little bit about kids like mine, who have a boatload of their own little quirks and don’t necessarily fit into some parenting book model.

So, there’s that. We’ll see how things go from here.

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