weighty issues

I had a doctor’s appointment yesterday. I went to my OB/GYN and had my IUD taken out. So, yes, this means that technically we’re going to start trying for baby #2 – or at least, we’re no longer preventing the occurrence of baby #2. And I know that’s exciting, and yay! Squee! Baybeees!! But there’s something else about this doctor’s appointment that really bothered me, so we’ll leave the baby talk for another time (like, I don’t know, maybe after I get a positive pregnancy test, which could be a year from now, given my previous track record).

The thing that upset me? My weight.

I knew I’d have to step on the scale at the doctor’s office. You always do, right? I hate the scale. I avoid the scale at home. I’m almost never happy with whatever the number may be. But I thought I was mentally prepared. I had done a little calculation in my head on the way there – sure, most of my clothes are feeling a little tighter lately, but I can still button my size 12 jeans, so it’s not that bad, right? I had an idea of what the number on the scale would probably be.


I’m not brave enough to type the number here, but let’s just say that I have a mental block around a certain number – a weight that I haven’t been since my gastric bypass surgery. It’s a number that for the past 7 years, I have refused to ever see on the scale again. And now I’m dangerously close to that number. Like, I’m less than 10 pounds away from it. I can smell that number from where I am. And I don’t like it one bit.

And I know – I KNOW! – that it’s just a number and it’s all about how you feel and how your clothes fit and blah-blah-blah, but the thing is? I feel like crap most of the time. I feel comfortable in very few of the clothes that I own. So it’s not good, and I need to do something about it. I started a diet back in January, but I think it was too radical – I cut out ALL refined sugar and white flour, which is insanely hard to stick with when you have a 2 year-old in the house. But I did it faithfully for a month and lost a whopping zero pounds. That’s when I got frustrated and quit.

Since January, I’ve gained about 10 pounds, and I think I know why: I snack too much at night. I have always “grazed” in the evenings, but lately it’s gotten out of control. I would estimate that probably half of my day’s calories are consumed between 8 p.m. and midnight. Pretty much the worst possible time to eat, right? So that’s the biggest change I’m going to work on for now. I’m definitely going to be adding in healthier food choices and snacks during the day (plus drinking more water & less Diet Coke), but I also know that it’s pretty likely that I won’t be able to stay away from the occasional cookie. So for now, the main thing I’m going to do is stop eating at night.

I started last night. After I put Catie to bed, I had a cup of chamomile tea – because hot liquids trick your tummy into feeling full, plus it helped me start to feel sleepy. And you know? I didn’t die. In fact, it was fine.

I also need to work on getting in shape. I couldn’t do the 30-Day Shred because it hurt my knees too much, and I love the Wii Fit, but it’s more for fun & doesn’t feel like it’s giving me a really solid workout. So I’m thinking about trying Cool Running’s Couch-to-5K program. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to jog/run a 5K; I have wonky knees, and I doubt they’ll hold up for something like that. But I can try. The program only takes up 3 days a week, which seems do-able. Throw in one or two yoga/pilates workouts too, and I should be doing fine in no time.

Wish me luck. I’m going to need it.

14 thoughts on “weighty issues

  1. I totally understand and am in the same boat. I love food and I’m lazy and those 2 factors never equal good news.

    Every week I say this is going to be the week that I change, and it does for a few days or a few weeks, and then I fall back into my bad habits. I think I’ve finally come to terms with the fact that I may be fat forever, but what I really need to focus on is being happy.

    Good luck with the Couch to 5K, I think you’ll do great at it.


  2. Oh dude, good luck. Truly.

    I think snacking at night is a hard thing to give up. Plus it tends to go hand and hand with watching TV at night. Blech.

    On the first thing, the one we are not talking about…good luck. 🙂

  3. I am exactly the same way… I can go all day and eat like a normal person, but once I get the girls to bed I end up snacking all night. First something sweet, then salty, then sweet… ugh.
    I know I could lose weight if I had the willpower to stop snacking at night but … just ugh.
    I am going to walk a couple days a week once I get the big girls in school. I am going to check out that link you added.
    Good luck! keep us posted.

  4. I stand by doctors’ scales being horribly mean and much crueler than any other scale, I DON’T CARE HOW ACCURATE THEY ARE.

    But, I hear ya. I feel ya.

    I’m right there with ya.

  5. Good luck. I have avoided my doc because of the scale. I’ve been promising myself that once the kids start school I will start taking better care of myself and watching what I eat.

    Congrats though, on the big decision for #2.

  6. I’m on my own journey right now and have a long way to go – but I’m just trying to stay positive about it. If I fall off I get back up and start trying again. The one thing I have done that helped was start exercising – nothing major since I am way out of shape, but enough that I feel a lot better! Good luck to you!

  7. I hear you. I have a magic number, too, that I’m backing away from as quickly as possible. I’ve found that blogging about my progress helps a lot — people have been super supportive.

  8. Sorry I haven’t been commenting much lately (or blogging, for that matter, long story re: newspaper industry, email or call me) but I wanted to chime in on this one, albeit a little late. I don’t have much to say except I’m thinking of you and wishing you well on this. It’s such a mindfuck, the scale.

    But hey, you’re not in denial about the situation, and you’re taking positive steps for yourself. Five years out, I hope I’m where you’re at mentally. You’re my role model, and I’m backing you all the way.

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