And I know you know. Like I said, I was putting out there for other people.

I don’t know what they’re doing about last names, or how they’ll deal with the Mama/Mommy issue if and when they decide to have kids. I’m treating that sort of like I do with my hetero friends: I don’t ask my female friends if they’re changing their last name (I typically just assume they’re keeping their name unless they state otherwise), and I don’t do the pushy grandmother “so when are you going to have bay-beees?!” thing. I figure it’s not really my business, and it bugs the crap out of me when people ask me when we’re having another baby (answer: not anytime soon!), so I try to never do that to anyone else.

The commitment ceremony (per the invitation’s wording) is at a restaurant at 1:30 in the afternoon. So I’m thinking my black skirt/cute top combo is probably fine.

As for the legality issue, same-sex ceremonies in Massachusetts are pretty much always called weddings and marriages, whereas the one I was at in West Virginia was interchangeably called a commitment ceremony and a wedding, sometimes in the same sentence.

When in doubt, follow the couple’s lead. One of the most beautiful things about the advent of gay marriage and the public recognition of same-sex relationships is that people are making up their own rules according to what feels right to them.

My college roommate and her wife both decided to take Jill’s mom’s maiden name as their surname instead of hyphenating Doe-Eod and Eod-Doe. Two women in love raising a family might be called “Mama and Mommy” or “Mommy Joanie and Mommy Sue” or “Mama and Baba” by their kids.

Baba- a word that means Dad or Daddy in a several languages around the world- tends to be favored by female parents whose gender expression leans more to the masculine side of the continuum. LD, who writes the blog Lesbian Dad, is a Baba; her writing is so beautiful it will make you cry.

You kind of can’t get it wrong as long as you’re there with best wishes and loving acceptance. Cindy, you probably know this, but for anyone else who’s not sure, the only thing you SHOULDN’T say is, “So which one of you is the man in the relationship?” to a lesbian couple, or “Which one of you is the woman?” to two gay men. The answer is “Uh, neither, that’s what makes us a GAY couple.”

Regarding attire, take the same cues from the style of the invitation, time of day, and location of ceremony (church is different from beach, etc) that you would at a hetero wedding. Have fun!