bad day

(A) I flunked my test. This is really not that big a deal, as it has happened with well over half of the certification exams that I have taken in my life. I usually get nervous & choke the first time, then I pass it on the re-take. So, it’s annoying that I have to continue studying and take the exam again (probably next week), but it’s not exactly the end of the world. And my company pays for the re-take exam, so all the better.

(B) My cousin Teresa, who has cystic fibrosis, is very, very sick. Obviously, CF is a terminal illness so she’s been sick all of her life, but it’s looking like this might be close to the end for her. Her lung capacity is only about 20% of what normal person’s should be, she’s on morphine every 4 hours, taking tylenol with codeine in between the morphine doses, plus some other painkiller. My uncle is thinking of calling in hospice to take care of her at home so she doesn’t have to stay in the hospital. It’s a shit deal. She’s 19 years old, she’s the youngest of my generation, and she’s (most likely) going to be the first to go. It sucks. I wish I could say that more eloquently, but it just flat-out sucks.

So today, right before I went in to take my exam, I got a call from my other cousin Catherine, because she wants to organize a weekend in the near future where we all (meaning all 10 of my first cousins) meet up in Atlanta to say good-bye to Teresa. I think it’s a great idea – probably more meaningful than going to her funeral, whenever that may be – but I can’t afford it. I talked to my mom about it, and she offered me frequent flyer miles, so maybe I’ll be able to go after all. It’s just a grim situation, and thinking about it has left me utterly depressed. I’ve had a lump in my throat for the past 3 hours, but I can’t seem to cry.

Sorry for this bummer of a post, but that’s the story.